Finding the Edge...

A Note from RB: So today is the close of Rubenesque Brunette's Big Bad Boost Readership Contest(tm) and the winner is... no one... I didn't get a single entry... I am going to sink in to a deep pit of despair and turn in to emo-RB...  or I can just announce a new contest tomorrow!

LD and I are both very much in to edge play...  rape play, breath play, degredation, blood, hard S&M, etc...  Normally none of this stuff phases me - I love it all.  what is "going too far" to some people is "just enough" for us. 

Except that we found a new edge for me this weekend.

As I mentioned last week, there were some turbulent waters for the SS Le Dom, and Friday night was 'punishment night'...  After being tied to the wall, blindfolded and gagged, LD informed me that He was going to cut me and leave me with a scar that would remind me for years of the lesson I had learned.  As He had been tying me up, I had watched Him take a wicked knife out of His toolbox and go about sharpening it and sterilizing it, so I had an idea that there would be some cutting involved, but I didn't think He would cut me so deep as to scar me.

I completely fell apart.

Tied to the wall, unable to even hold my own weight up, I clung to Him and shrieked in terror as I waited for Him to mark me.  I won't lie - there were a few moments when I was very tempted to call red, but I put my trust in LD a while ago, and I vowed that I would "walk the walk" so to speak.

In the end, LD didn't scar me... didn't even draw blood... 

I am still sore from the beating I took while up on the wall - spending the weekend packing for todays' move didn't exactly help with my recovery...  I went to bed shivering from shock and completely mindless... still lightheaded and dizzy from the breathplay that followed after being taken down off of the wall...  and trust me, Dear Readers, I have learned my lesson.

Here are a few of these important lessons that I learned this weekend. LD is always telling me to look for the joy in life, so I suppose these are a few small bits of 'joy'...

• I can truly trust this man with my very life and body.  Saturday morning I asked Him if He had actually meant to scar me - His response was "yes, but in the end the thought of being cut and scarred seemed to terrify you enough, so I didn't"  
• This man can find my edges, and even when I am completely falling apart and unable to articulate, He keeps me from falling over that edge and keeps me safe.
• I will never, ever disrespect Him or our relationship again
• Knife play, while theoretically hot, actually terrifies me for some reason.  This is odd because I play with knives in the kitchen all of the time, I cut myself all of the time, and honestly Him cutting me as He has planned wouldn't have hurt worse than my tattoo or piercings... yet for some reason I completely fell apart.
• I will *always* associate that wicked knife with punishment.  It is so difficult to find something to 'punish' someone with when they like everything.  We've found something that I decidedly don't like (more than I don't like the dragon tail)

I promise to post something more funny tomorrow, honest!