ZOMG WHY ARE PEOPLE SO DUMB?!

Hottest toy of the summer! - m4w (Toronto) 36yr

from craigslist | miscellaneous romance in toronto

Greetings and salutations Ms. Customers, 

Welcome to slaves'R'us. As Your personal shopper, allow me to guide You through our various departments and products. On the left there is the electronics section, full of electro-play and other fine torture devices. On the right is our leather section, with a wide variety of the finest whips, hoods, and boots among other things. Over there…… 

Pardon me? *pause* Oh! The hottest toy of the summer? Well, *looking both ways before leaning in and quietly whispering*, we just received this fine slave toy. he's a beta unit. Well it's funny, because he appears to be an 'alpha unit' by all conventional standards. *wide grin* But i mean he's a beta unit, in that, he has had basic testing and training, but nobody has ever really taken a good run at him. You know, taken him to the absolute limits and test him out thoroughly. 

What sort of experience you ask? It's a wide variety from the basic obedience training, pet training, domestic servitude, humiliation, degradation, various types of pain play and worship. Really the beauty of this unit is that he's quite adaptable, and will quickly understand Your specific needs and grow to suit You. 

Yes we do expect a mad rush for this unit, as he is a unique one of a kind model. In addition to the basic training, he's finely educated, cultured, ambitious, has solid family values and continually seeks the approval of his Owner. 

Check out? Of course, let's get You to the check out counter, and i will have him wrapped up and ready to go. 

Sorry Folkes, More Filler

I promise some original content later today.  In the mean time, please enjoy this stupid craigslist ad.

younger looking for a mommy and daddy - w4mw

from craigslist toronto | casual encounters search "w4mw"

Hey I'm a young female 18 turning 19 this month looking for my first 3some, I am a very shy girl so I love for a couple to get out my naughty side and looking for girl on girl. I'm looking for now asap. I want to get action tognite so older couples email me I don't have pics using cell so must not care about me sending u piocs cuz I can't looking to play now for hopur or so I don't drive and don't have own place. I'm white 38d tits and nice body I do weigh 140 and I'm by sq1

Greedy Greedy

Masturbate while giving me head - m4w 25yr

from craigslist | miscellaneous romance in toronto

Hey, any women like to masturbate while giving a guy head? I think it is so hot when a woman is pleasuring herself while giving me a mind blowing BJ. I'd love to meet a woman and make that happen one day, but no pressure. I am white, skinny built, D&D free. So, what do ya think?

I think that you're a selfish prick who wants to find a fantasy girl who will do all the work pleasuring both you and herself.  Do you get to fall asleep directly afterwards, or does she have the pleasure of getting you a sandwich and a beer first?

You know what I love?

There's never any shortage of idiots and weirdos on Craigslist to cover for me when my migraine is bad and nothing exciting is happening to me...

Seeking a porn host - m4mw (Scarborough) 23yr

from craigslist toronto | casual encounters search "m4mw"

hello there, 

I am looking for a porn host who is single or can host. I need a place to watch porn freely. At home, I got roommates. 
I wanna come by at your place to watch porn. I got my own DVDs. 
If you want, you can watch with me. I like big fat tits and bbw porn. 
So, anyone who has a place and is willing to give me a spare room to watch it, I'd highly appreciate that. 
Guy or girl, doesn't matter. So, let me know if you can host. 

thanks

I'm confused

Re: party last saturday night - m4m - 24 (church st.) (you're nuts)

So, let me get this straight, you got raped by not one, not two, but, three people, and you desperately want it to happen again? 

Dude, you're fucked.

except... there's no original message.  I read CL through my RSS feed, so I see flagged and removed messages even after they've been taken down off of the CL site, and I can not find any reference to a party or rape anywhere.

So dear readers - what do YOU think the original message said?

They do say that men never really grow up...

Submissive, and sleep with teddybear every night....curious? - m4w (M4L3B4) 46yr

from craigslist | miscellaneous romance in toronto

I've tried this in the past, and was not successful...I hope that this ad will be different. I've had 2 "unusual" interests in my life, and haven't had the chance to properly involve both of them in a relationship. They are: 
1) Finding a woman that is dominant, and is maternal...which plays into my second which is... 
2) Being cared for as a "little" (an adult treated like a child...bathed, talked to as a child..being called baby, lil monkey...like that..told what to eat, made to potty before going out..) 

Certainly this borders on "edge play" and perhaps even infantilism. I'm good with it, and hope to find someone that is nurturing, healthy, comfortable with themself..and is open to this type of play. You should be honest, a bit zany (like me....no doubt), and enjoy life to the maximum. If you reply, naturally a picture will get mine. I will pose for the picture that you get, just let me know what you want to see...and i'll be more than happy to model. :) 
Not exactly looking for this to be something that is 24/7...but certainly a part of a developing relationship, which I would like to see evolve into a long term relationship...if things click. 

About me: 
5'10" 
185lbs 
hazel/green eyes 
short brown hair (losing it, and a bit of grey mixed in where there still is some) 
goatee 
fit, and in shape 
employed 
willing to have body hair/etc. shaved to suit 
wear/wet diapers at night (for nocturnal incontinence..as a result of an inguinal hernia surgery..that went sideways) 
and.....well....i sleep with a teddybear every night.....that's my comfort thing. :) 

Feel free to email, and lets see where this new journey can take us. I'm willing to give it 100%, and help you to find your inner sexuality, and explore any kinks, areas of exploration that may want to check out. I'm open minded, and likely am dying to try most things that you've wanted to do. Let's see where this can go. I am interested in a real life meeting, not to cyber. Although, for comfort and safety, I can understand if you want to email prior to talking on phone/meeting in person. Again, a picture would show good intentions..and I will reply with same. 

Thank You for reading.....bye bye 

More Weirdness

Hi, I am looking for a girl with a flat stomach - m4w 25yr

from craigslist | miscellaneous romance in toronto

But I can't seem to find her. I have a flat tummy myself. I am looking for a girl to hang out with. If sex happens, then that's great but we don't have to force it. I am D&D free, and I have plenty of condoms, in case you were worried. I don't care if you smoke or drink alcohol, just please be disease free. Let's start by chatting and go from there. I have photos to share, other than what you see below. 

It's always important to have things in common.... like flat stomachs... before you start hanging out with your condoms "just in case" sex happens...

Ew... and... WTF?

Son...your woman wants me - m4mw (Downtown)

from craigslist toronto | casual encounters search "m4mw"

Hey son, you probably suspect by now that your woman and me have 
have a bit of connection. She's been coming on to me. 
I warned you that she was a flirt and a little slutty. 

She is too embarassed to ask you but she would love to suck my cock 
whle you watch, then suck a daddy / son combo. 

You know she always get what's she wants. 
So we may aswell make this happen and keep her happy. 
Let me know when you want to come by.

... ... ew

A Forward Thinking Couple

Hey everyone... what are you all doing in December? No plans yet?  Need to take things nice and slow with someone before you get involved?

Looking for a couple in December - mw4mw

from craigslist toronto | casual encounters search "mw4mw"

Mature couple looking to get together at a hotel near the airport for the first Saturday in December. Looking for someone who may be a little new to this as well. Would like to get to know each other through emails and pics as well. Just a night of fun for everyone. Hope to hear from you soon.

Must be a Lady Gaga Fan...

Is a 'fuckmonster' a subspecies of Lady Gaga's 'little monster's?  What is a pillow queen?  Who uses the word 'schlong' these days?  These questions and more will sadly remain unanswered, because you can be sure I'm not contacting him... despite his plea for literate partners...

Cum 4 the cock, stay 4 the tongue, return 4 the really good hands. - m4w 45yr

from craigslist | miscellaneous romance in toronto

Insatiable, healthy, careful fuckmonster seeks pretty pillow queen with really big knockers for excessive penetration and endless oral. Brn hair, brn eyes, handsome face, solid bod, thick schlong, unapologetically oversexed. 
Very literate responses move to the top of the pile. 

U kno thr srs

I present this without comment... my head is still hurting from the 1337 speak

YOUNG DOM COUPLE 4 A SUBMISSIVE 1 - mw4mw (downtown) 27yr

from craigslist toronto | casual encounters search "mw4mw"

We will be in Toronto the August 12th-24th visting family 

WE'RE BRINGING 2 SUITCASES FULL OF TOYS (Erotic Electro Stimulation (E.E.S.) Tens Unit, Violet wand, blindfolds, handcuffs etc....) 

We Prefer a RESPECTFUL SUBMISSIVE single female – but the RIGHT submissive male or couple may also be welcome? 

I'm a hot bi Asian (Korean/Japanese) 27 years old, 5'7 tall and 115lbs perfect body, nice perky tits and amazing ass tiny waist, great legs, beautiful pedicure toes size7, long hair 

He's is a HANDSOME Italian 29 years old, six foot 205lbs Very masculine 8" thick & circumcised muscular body 

We're in to many fetishes - forced sissification, forced bi, body worship, stocking fantasy, fetish, golden showers, smothering, spanking & Strap on play, Humiliation, 
Trampling, Cuckolding, CBT, Domination - just plain old bdsm fun (no scat or hardcore pain) 

Maybe some vanilla bi 3some or 4some action if you're really submissive & hot 


Please send us a face pic, stats, and tell us what your boundaries are. 


We are all clean, shaved & disease free and only plays SAFE!!! 

YOU MUST answer all 3 of the following questions in your first email 2 be considered 

1) R u disease free 
2) R u willing 2 split the costs of a nice hotel or host in downtown? (super hot female need nothing ) 
3) R u willing 2 pleasures BOTH of us? 


(U WIIL NOT GET A RESPONSE IF DO NOT ANSWER ALL THE?'s!!!) 

DON'T WASTE OUR/YOUR TIME!!! Commit 2 a time and make it? As we don't like flakes and don't plan on wasting R whole day in a room. Waiting around! 
Phone # will speed things up!!! 

We R considering a few fetish people (single girls, guys & a few couples) who ever seem the most respectful, serious & sincere we will meet - we have been stood up a few times b4 - wasted r time - money & sexual energy!!! So this time we would like 2 have at least a few backups 

please no endless e mails-or 1 liners 

Only email us if your TRULY serious!! 



mw4w mw4m mw4t mw4mw 



YOU MUST answer all 3 of the following questions in your first email 2 be considered 
YOU MUST answer all 3 of the following questions in your first email 2 be considered 
YOU MUST answer all 3 of the following questions in your first email 2 be considered 
YOU MUST answer all 3 of the following questions in your first email 2 be considered 
YOU MUST answer all 3 of the following questions in your first email 2 be considered 
YOU MUST answer all 3 of the following questions in your first email 2 be considered 
YOU MUST answer all 3 of the following questions in your first email 2 be considere 

Apparently this is ok...

but my "mentor for sex" ad is not...

BEAUTIFUL WOMEN looking for friendship for allowance (no sex) - w4m

from craigslist | miscellaneous romance in toronto

Looking to do fun activities, travel, and have fun in exchange for allowance. Ask for my photos

If you can't say it...

... you probably shouldn't be doing it... and since when is "down" a word that should be censored?!

Seeking fun, org*smic female who LUVS receiving Or*l ;) - m4w (Dowtown Toronto)

from craigslist | miscellaneous romance in toronto

Fun easy to talk to guy here with varied interests. But really, what I enjoy doing most and have been complimented on the most, is going d*wn on a woman. I enjoy that more than anything in the world. More than traveling which I love. More than dining out which I also love. I really like cuddling too by the way. Anyway, if you're serious, clean and disease free, give me a shout and we'll see what happens. We'll exchange emails and pics and meet at a bar first and take it from there. Bonus points if you're multi-orgasmic as I have lots of stamina. And you can even be greedy and not return the favour if you'd like. Lol ;) Hope to hear from you soon!

Hi Wednesday

So I got laid off yesterday my dear friends... while this means in the long run that I will have more time to devote to coming up with amusing anecdotes for you all, today I am justifiable distracted.  So here's a confusing craigslist ad:

 First time Guy Want female SEX 16 -50 yrs Any race (Toronto & near)

from craigslist | miscellaneous romance in toronto

Prefer Asian - Other type females welcome (Any age or colour) Am Easygoing friendly, polite guy. I`m white Canadian , I have pic I can`t wait to experience exciting thrills (IN & Out) "FUCK Fuck Fuck and lot`s MORE *SEX* *Together Alright ** I love tits * Want to make your Vagina throb:" with pleasure - You can Have my COCK It want you to Play OK Message me ~ I will check Mail every 3 hours ------ To Reply to you I can give you my PHONE NUMBER# We will chose where to go Place * I have apartment I can cum to your place We will Talk about it with you OK Your girl friends welcome Sextime I like Girfriend

Creep Alert

I know I said I was taking today off, but I couldn't resist sharing this with you... it just got my spidy senses tingling...

My little girl where are you?? - m4w (GTA)

Daddy is looking for his special little girl and so far has not found her.
You should be bewtween 5' to 5' 8" thin build petite body weight around
140 pds max and have small tits and be ready to grow with Daddy.

This is not for everyone however if I find you then it will
be your growth and developement that will prosper together
while we explore our roles in this lifestyle.

Daddy is waiting for you.

This guy just doesn't make the grade

I honestly don't have words for this ad - this guy posts this identical ad, word for word, probably every month or so... it's OBVIOUSLY not working for him, so why is he still posting it?  Seriously dude... try another tactic - this one isn't cutting it.

See you all on Tuesday!

??? THE ULTIMATE GIRLFRIEND CHALLENGE ??? - m4w - 24

Hold On Right There! 

Before you read this... 

If you are flaky, boring or you're a psychotic stalker chick, then please stop reading this now and find someone else to terrorize! :P 

Otherwise, if you are fun & cute, then read every word on this page very carefully cuz you might win 1000 CAS.H!!! 

Yes! 1000 big mahoneys!! 

So my best friend, she suggested that I post this here as a sort of experiment... 

Maybe you are that special girl and you are reading this right now! 

Maybe not. 

But one thing is for sure, unlike all those lovable losers out there that are desperate for just any kind of girl 

I'm extremely specific about the type of girl I want. 

Actually, it's a very stringent screening process. 

And guess what? 

I made a little quiz, so that it would save your time and well as mine! 

By answering these simple, yet revealing questions, you will tell me everything I need to know about you in order to see if you are THAT special girl (or at least close to it) 

Amazing isn't it? 

This took many years of study and research to develop! 

Don't believe me? 

Why don't you give it a shot: 

Ready? 

Here's goes:. 


******************************************** 
THE ULTIMATE GIRLFRIEND CHALLENGE!! 

******************************************** 

IQ QUIZ: 

What do cows drink? 

Your answer: _________________ 

TALENT QUIZ: 

can you rub your tummy in a circle and stomp your head with your 
fist at the same time? 

Your answer: _________________ 

DATING QUIZ: 
. 
what is your best pickup line? 

Your answer: _________________ 

ROMANCE QUIZ: 

If you were to take me on a surprise vacation anywhere in the world, 
where would you take me, and what would we do? 

Your answer: _________________ 

SEX QUIZ: 

what would you rather have? 1 year of amazing, toe-curling, 
neighbor-calling-911 sex and the next year of no sex, OR would you 
rather have 2 years of so-so sex? 

Your answer: _________________ 

MONEY QUIZ: 

If you win this challenge, and if you had to choose, would you 

a)take the 1000 dollar prize OR 
b)trade it for a date with me? 

Your answer: _________________ 


Your name __________________ 


*optional - attach your photo. 

*************************************************** 

Am I being too strict? 

Well good, because I like a girl who is confident enough for a challenge. 

Just a word of caution, be honest. 

Because if you lied, I can tell... and that would get you automatically disqualified (unless you're flirting) ;) 

Anyway... 

So I'll be leaving this posting up for a few days to see what happens... 

Oh yeah, almost forgot: 

Some logistics: 

"You must be 18-26 to participate, female, attractive, single, drug-free and healthy" 

Looking forward to your answers! 

Good luck! 

P.S. So go ahead and send me your answers now! Who knows. Maybe we'll click and maybe we won't. But, at the very least, you won't be replying to someone boring, typical guy and maybe, just maybe, it will all turn out great. 

I'm a lousy Gold Digger

So after yesterday's post I decided to try a different type of Craigslist ad... specifically one looking for a "Splenda Daddy" or "Mentor with Benefits".

I got flagged and removed 3 times.

What gives?!

Why can this guy keep his posts up when I can't?

Looking to make some ca$h today? - m4w - 33 (downtown

Are you in need of money and have some free time later on this afternoon or evening? 

Do you look good in pantyhose, stockings, nylons, or tights? 

Do you also like to wear heels? 

If you are interested in making $750 for something that does not include sex, feel free to e-mail me. 

Despite my inability to craft a suitably subtle ad (apparently), I did get a number of replies... one of them from a marketing recruiter who has looked over my resume and it willing to try and place me.  Sweet!

As well, I got an offer for a 6-figure salary if I suck my bosses cock twice a week.

Let me tell you... that was tempting for a while.  However, it's one thing to practice unorthodox networking methods, and another to sleep with your boss.  One of those is colossally stupid.  So, apparently I make a shitty gold digger...  I totally could have slept my way to the top, and instead have elected to continue working on my resume (with the help of LD and my marketing recruiter) and will probably regret not making a 6 figure salary for many months to come.

Even if I were 4" taller and 30lbs lighter, I couldn't make it as a gold digger - I just don't seem to have the disposition to part men from their (or their company's) money when they're thinking with their dicks.  I'm too altruistic for my own good.

The Internets have failed me...

It's all the usual idiots on CL right now Dear Readers...  no one stands out enough to make a post out...

There's the lady looking for a man to impregnate her...

The guy who wants someone to enter his unlocked house, fuck him and then leave without saying a word... completely anonymously...

The usual gang of "I'm straight but I want a MMF threesome, as long as the other guy doesn't touch me" posts...

The M4M ads alternately looking for sugar daddies or trying to find a twink to take with them on vacation (does anyone do that? it seems rather unsafe to embark on a trip with someone you've never really met)

Have I just become blase Dear Readers?

In other news, LD and I have given up actively searching for a bisexual boytoy... I have found one who is bisexual but his preference leans towards twinks and is kind of new...  I have a date with him on Sunday, and I shan't say any more until he's given me the ok to blather on about him here.

what can I say? I'm a saint.

The man with a thousand faces...

Posted July 15th...

Have Tits, Want Cock? - m4t - 26 (Downtown)

Im in town for a couple days. Looking to get into some trouble. I am strictly top. 
If you are hot bottom and not a CD get back to me with a picture, and lets have some fun. 
burning blade 98 on ya hoo (delete the spaces) 

Posted July 14th...

Hot Rocker seeks Kinky Playmate - m4w - 26 (Downtown)

I am in town for tonight only and I'm looking to have some fun. 
Ideally you would be able to come to my hotel downtown tonight and are easy going. 
If you are a cute young girl or couple with a hot body and want to fool around get back to me with your picture and lets go from there 
I am 100% DD free so you be too. 
I am 5'10 with a 9" cock, blonde hair, blue eyes, and around 150lbs 
ya hoo at burning blade 98 (delete the spaces)

Hot Italian guy seeks sexy Mistress - m4w - 26 (Downtown)

I am a part italian, part german, part spanish and part french, so you know I took all the best traits from each of them :P My marriage is not what I would like it to be right now in the bedroom. My wife is not meeting my needs, and its leaving me stressed and irritable. I have blonde hair, cool blue eyes, and a 9" cock! If you like what you see, and want to hang out sometime and see what happens. get back to me soon M4mw M4w Burning blade 98 at ya hoo delete the space 

Looking for Adventure - m4w - 26 (Downtown)

If you are a cute young girl or couple with a hot body and want to fool around while I'm in town this week get back to me with your picture and lets go from there 
I am 5'10 with a 9" cock, blonde hair, blue eyes, and around 150lbs 
I am 26 years young, educated enough to have an intelligent conversation with, yet wild enough to toss you on the bed and fuck you silly. 
I am 100% DD free so you be too. ya hoo at burning blade 98 (delete the spaces) burning b1ade 98 on (a im) 

Posted July 13th...

Hot 9" Cock for Kinky Playmates - m4w - 26 (Downtown)

I'm in Toronto for 3 days and I would love to have some fun while in town. 
I am 5'10 150lbs with a very nice 9" uncut cock. 
I am 100% std free and don't use drugs. 
If you are a sexy girl or a hot couple and would like to have some fun with me in my hotel room tonight or tomorrow message me 
at ya hoo at burning blade 98 (delete the spaces) or a im at burning b1ade 98 and lets have some fun! 

Posted July 9th...

Looking for adventure... - m4w - 26 (Downtown)

I am bored with my current sexlife, and want to spice it up a bit. I am very open minded and always up for kinky ideas. I especially love playing in public! 

I will be up in Toronto on business tues-Thursday next week and would love to have some fun with a hot girl or sexy couple. 

I'm 5'10 9in uncut and 100%STD free. 
Message me in ya hoo at burning blade 98 or a im at burning b1ade 98 (delete the spaces) 

Posted... ok I'm bored.. this dude has 18 ads going all the way back to June 20, all basically saying the same thing, rotating through the same 3 cockshots... I guess if at first you don't succeed...

I want to splatter your face with cum - m4w 25yr

I have a huge load of cum boiling in my balls that I would hate to let go to waste. 

Isn't that painful? I mean.. boiling? If your body temperature is high enough that your semen is boiling then you should get yourself to the ER ASAP, not try and find a chick... and I mean... if you gave her a facial with boiling cum, you'd end up burning her too, yeah? So he's basically looking for a willing burn victim?

I would love to watch this huge load of jizz splatter all over a chicks pretty face. 

Well now, who wouldn't?  Is there really enough to splatter though? Do you need a drop cloth when giving girls facials?  

If there are any ladies out there who are in the mood for a nice facial cumbath please hit me up before I explode. 

This guy sounds kind of desperate eh?  He's going to explode?!  Guys... hear me out here... if you're at the point of feeling like you're going to explode, do you really post an ad on craigslist and spend all of the time trying to hook up with someone who's not a pro or a flake, or do you jerk one (or two) off to take the edge off... or, you know, anticipate that you're a generally horny man and start looking before you get this far gone?

We can meet up wherever and I can pop wad after wad of cum on to your face and then part ways. 

Your refractory period must be astonishingly low.  Or are you just trying to sell a premature ejaculation problem as a benefit?  It's all about marketing you know...

I am a chill, disease free straight guy who also happens to be a nasty pervert. I would love to make this happen tonight. 

I'm sorry dear, this does not make you a nasty pervert...