Friday, October 30, 2009

Trying to get in shape...

So I've been trying to find a Personal Trainer willing to barter his services...  I figure.. hey.. it's another way to meet guys and I'll get in shape at the same time...

After I've weeded out all of the guys who have never worked out a day in their lives, and the ones who ignored the part of my ad that said I was out of shape and were then shocked that I'm not slim... I've ended up with two candidates thus far who seem reasonable....

Candidate 1 - A 49 years old man, canfit pro certified, apparently almost died 2 years ago and hasn't gotten back into working out since, seems to know his shit in terms of getting fit, has partial custody of a 15 year old son, has the 3rd floor of a "shared" house about 20 - 30 min from me (not sure if it's an actual apartment, or like.. a "shared house) ... is VERY kinky and seems pretty nice...

Candidate 2 - He is around my age, not a certified trainer but has done it in the past, has a 6-pack, runs his own company, also seems to know his shit in terms of eating and working out... got me to start keeping a food journal and has been commenting, claims not to have a face pic, has been a little flaky in terms of being able to get together, lives about a similar distance from me as Candidate 1 does, and we haven't really discussed kink...


The age of Candidate 1 concerns me a little, though when I brought it up he made some promising comments about "other methods" of pleasing me...  I'm also concerned about the accident and that he's not actually gotten back to working out much himself....

Candidate 2 seems a little odd that he doesn't have a face photo, and we've had some troubles getting our schedules to mesh which might make it difficult to actually work out as well...

Well dear readers... your opinions are appreciated...  I have no problems "testing the waters" with both of them...  and it's possible that one will come across as the clear winner over the other... but based on this info alone, who would you choose?

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Some of the prospects this week who didn't make it to Date #1...

Sktechy dude with no photograph who sent me his phone number and asked me out to dinner...

Over-Eager air traffic controller who ended every other sentence with an excamation point and keeps telling me how! much! he's! looking! forward! to! hooking! up!!!!!1

"Lawyer" who claims to be Canadian born and raised but has very little command of the english language

Dude who "only" blew a .008, lost his license for a year, and just "couldn't believe it" that he'd have to have a breathalyzer installed in his car and retake his driving lessons when he finally got it back


and it's only Wednesday...

Monday, October 26, 2009

... EXCUSE ME?!

When I tell you that you're not my type, and I tell you what my type is, do not reply with "oh i see    and  even with your body??  these  guys   are all into that .,...come on  sweetie  who are you kiding"

This will NOT get you in to my pants.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

A Good Date...

My scalp is sore, I think my throat is bruised, and I feel like I spent all weekend doing hard labour... all in all it was a wonderful date and I hope I can see him again soon... Not going to kiss and tell any further than that without his permission to post anything (yes, it was THAT good of a date)...

Friday, October 23, 2009

A bit of advice...

Don't tell me you're single and then send me a photo taken with the bathroom mirror that clearly shows all of your wifes beauty products on the counter

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Then why are you trolling Craigslist?

I've got tickets to see Toxic Avenger this weekend, and all of my regular theatre partners are busy.  So, I did what anyone else would do... I posted an ad to Craigslist looking for a theatre date and essentially promising to put out afterwards.  I got a few guys who seemed interested and made a date with one of them.

We were chatting today and he suggested we meet up tonight as well.  Boy am I glad we did - saved me a disappointing Saturday night!

Now let me preface this by saying: I am not a size queen.  In fact, I find it easier to deep throat guys who are a little smaller in stature.

When your nose is pressed into his pubes as he's coming down your throat and you don't even feel the slightest tickle of your gag reflex though.... 

Even then, that's still ok!  Boys have tongues (which this one apparently doesn't use other than in my mouth, quite aggressively and sloppily)... and fingers...   which would be great, except the dear boy needs a bit of an anatomy lesson...  even WITH the piercing to act as "x marks the spot" ... so from our conversation earlier in the day I knew I had to cum before we were going to fuck, so I quickly took care of that little problem... 

condom goes on, I start riding him... except.. I think I'm riding him... I'm sure he's in there... he seems to be enjoying himself... hrmm... my legs are getting a little tired...  what the hell, why does he keep staring at my tits like he's allowed to look but not touch... hrmm.. putting his hands on them doesn't really help.... ok then...

suggest that we flip over and he do me from behind...  a few minutes later and he's done.  He goes off to the washroom to dispose of the evidence and I lie back on the bed.

As we lay on the bed cooling down I ask "so... what's the deal for Saturday" ... silence... then... "I have a confession to make"

uhoh

"I've never had casual sex before, only ever in a relationship... I thought I'd be ok with it but I'm not... I'm sorry"

My first thought: "Bullshit... man up and say that the sex was as bad for you as it was for me, or you think I'm too fat, or whatever the real reason is"  I know for a fact that he posts to the casual encounters section... now, maybe he's never hooked up with anyone and he's telling the truth... but my second thought was "fuck, now I need to find another date for Saturday"

so... anyone want to go see Toxic Avenger on Saturday?  I'm almost guaranteed to put out...

Worst Non-Date Ever...

Ok, well maybe not... but still pretty frustrating...  I got STOOD UP!

Poly Dude (PD) answers my ad, we hit it off and chat all day...  things get pretty heated and he tells me about his girl (Poly Girl - PG) who'd love to join in as well...   there are a few wrinkles to work out, but all in all it seems like an excellent situation to explore.  We make plans for Tuesday night without confirming a location... PD says he'll e-mail/text me on Tuesday to let me know where and if PG would be joining us as well... We wish each other a good night and all is well with the world...

Tuesday morning... he's not online... I send off a quick text to say goodmorning to him and PG...

Tuesday afternoon... still no contact...  decide to wait until 3 before officially pronouncing myself 'stood up' ...

3 o'clock comes and goes...

5:30 in my car on the way home, I give him a call... goes to voicemail...

...

poop.

A Plea to the Kind-Hearted...

If you are reading this, please take one small moment to copy and paste this URL to everyone you know who had ever enjoyed a moment of schadenfreude... anyone you know who is single... or poly... or knows someone who is single or poly... Surely, somewhere in my vast social network of friends and acquaintances, there is a warm body out there for me... Surely there must be someone out there who won't compel me to write about them afterwards... a date good enough that it won't make my list of shame? 

Surely through the power of social networking, we can remove the need for this blog?

...

Please?

Friday, October 16, 2009

Funnyman

Just got home from a date, which in the grand scheme of things compared to some of these previous losers was fucking fantastic...  no "fireworks" but pretty consistent overall.  We met through the platonic section of CL (because even the platonic people are looking for sex, obviously) and started off with all sorts of nonsensical stuff... we get alone pretty well (in my opinion) and he's hilarious...  so I'll keep him around for now (Hi Funnyman! You owe me my rap!) ... not much more to say about this one...  I guess I need to date more losers if I want more blog material...

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Another one... poof....

Well... another two actually...

LD just e-mailed me to say that his father had a stroke over the weekend and that any thoughts of finding 'fun' are out the window for the time being.  Absolutely horrible if it actually happened.  

NJB still hasn't e-mailed or MSN'd me despite being so eager after the date...  oh well....

Are you kidding me?

If you're going to pretend to be a neurosurgeon... please at least be able to spell the word "neurosurgeon"...

Monday, October 12, 2009

My jaw...

Saturday Schmoopy was off working so I posted another ad to CL... found an "older" gentleman (42) who lived 5 minutes away and wanted to play... good stuff...

So he comes over and I start sucking him off... nice and slow and teasing... he seems to be enjoying it and encourages me to continue... and then he starts asking me questions... how many men have I slept with? How many from CL? How many uncut? How many each ethnicity? How many have I had anal with? the questions go on and on and he seems to be getting off on "interrogating" me on my sex life...

3 hours and 3 orgasms later for him, I'm laying there unfulfilled so I take matters into my own hands... he... does not participate...

Ok, whatever, some guys are into that from time to time... I enjoyed myself for the most part (and my jaw actually DIDN'T hurt afterwards)

He messaged me yesterday asking me when we can meet again... seems eager... I ask him if he's planning on reciprocating this time.. his answer? "Quite honestly, no"

I politely told him that I wasn't interested in another date. Good Grief!

Not-Cute Alternative Boy...

I've been replying to a lot of ads recently because my posts keep getting flagged... (seriously gayboys, get a life... I'm not diminishing the dating pool for you!)

One of these was from a guy who lives about 10 minutes away... his photos are hot in that "alternative" sort of way... says that he's looking for a friend first and "who knows what might happen". His ad seems mostly intelligent so I send him an e-mail.

We've talked back and forth a little and decided to meet for coffee this morning.

If he hadn't come up to me I wouldn't have recognized him... strike 1

So first thing I notice is that he's a smoker. I stood up to hug him in greeting and my clothes still smell slightly like smoke. Now, I know a lot of smokers and most of them take care to not smell like a dirty ashtray... strike 2

He grabs a coffee and sits down and we start chatting... he's around my age, just went back to school for journalism and believes that he's going to be a video game reviewer or game tester... uhhhh ok, sure... those are jobs you get right out of school!

Spent the rest of the time asking me questions about my situation with Schmoopy... not out of curiosity, but comparing to his previous sexual conquests and assuming that we'd be playing.

I make an excuse and get out of there. Once I got home I sent him a polite e-mail letting him know I didn't feel any chemistry.

Sadly, on his bus ride home he started sending me dirty text messages. I assume he's got home and read his e-mail because they've stopped.

*sighs* Definitely NOT the one...

Friday, October 9, 2009

Have I mentioned I'm an idiot?

I just offered to help drive BR and CG when they move....

yeah.. apparently I'm a sucker for punishment (well, we KNEW I'm a masochist, but apparently more of one than I'd originally thought)...

The Neverending Story Part VIII...

So I saw BR briefly last night... just a quick visit to drop something off - he came down to meet me in the parking lot...

wanted to apologize to me in person and tell me he knows he's got a lot to make up for...

and then says that CG is coming around and has started encouraging him to spend time with me...

W T F?

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Wait... there are RULES?!

What do you mean I wasn't supposed to e-mail him last night... I look to eager? What's wrong with showing I'm interested? .... ... make him chase me? Why does the man have to chase the woman? ... well what about in a D/s dynamic? Does the Dom or the sub do the chasing?

What do you mean you don't know? ... These rules are stupid, and it doesn't matter because I already sent him an e-mail last night...

oh! he's replied! so there *sticks out tongue* ... He says that we'll talk again next week.. ... hrm... that sorta sounds like "I'll call you" doesn't it? .... but he thinks that I'm an intelligent and articulate woman... that's good, right? He mentions wanting to see my ass... that's even better... right? Right? RIGHT?!

awwww crap, does this mean he's just not that in to me?

Vanilla Dates...

I don't think I like "Traditional" dates... they cause too much anxiety after the fact.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Rubenesque Brunette and the Local Dom...

Well ladies and germs, I am as amazed as you surely will be... My date tonight with LD was...  promising...

The good...
He showed up
He was more attractive than his photos
He was intelligent
He was attracted to me
He wants to meet again
He wasn't creepy
He lives 5 minutes from my house...

The not so good...
He's got a relative living with him while they go to school, so private time may be somewhat limited and on short notice
He's not the most experienced

The indifferent...
He's not into "the community" (I can't check him out with my network)

All in all, we spent a pleasant hour together, learned some more about each other and spoke the intention to see each other again perhaps next week...

I can't wait! This.. .. MAY be the one...

The Non-Prospect, Part II... Emphasis on the NON

NP (non-prospect) just asked me if I want to call him... I very politely informed him "sorry, I'm at work"

his reply?

"That's ok, you can call with the number blocked"

....

....

....

really?  Do people call other people for the purposes of dating/hookingup/phonesex from work? Is the proper etiquette these days to just block your phone number?  That makes it ok?

As it is I feel a little funny replying to e-mails and ensure that they stay PG while I'm at work... I would NEVER call someone unless I was in a relationship with them or just making a quick "so I'll see you after work" type confirmation call...

The very fact that non-prospect didn't immediately see the concern with me being at work tells me that I don't want to waste any more time on him... definitely NOT the one...

The Neverending Story, Part VIII...

After the fiasco with the non-get together on Monday, I decided that I was done chasing BR... I wasn't going to contact him unless he contacted me, and decided that he just wasn't worth it...

Lo and behold, he e-mails me today and then pops on MSN... we chat for a bit and I make it clear how displeased I am for him wasting so much of my time...  The short version of the story is that I told him that he needed to grow a pair and stand up for himself (especially to CG) ... and that from an outside perspective it seriously looks like he's in an abusive relationship.

He denied that she's abusive (big surprise) and admits that he needs to stick up for himself more...  claims that he wants me in his life.... then a short time later had to get going but asked if I'd be online later to talk more...

I think that this has fully resigned myself intellectually and emotionally that he is NOT the one... I do NOT need to be with someone with these sorts of issues... even if he resolves his own personal problems, there would still always be CG to deal with. I am POSITIVE there must be SOMEONE out there who wants a (possibly) LTR with a sweet girl who he can degrade, humiliate, hurt and fuck through the mattress (and who possibly in return wants to be teased and humiliated and forced to worship my feet)... it's just not BR - I need to click in more than just the bedroom. 

As I told him, if he wants me in his life, he can make the effort to have me in his life.  I'm done - no more invitations (other than the usual standing offers to all of my friends) and no more special effort to prove to CG that I'm not a threat.

Somehow I doubt that this ends the neverending story, but it has certainly resolved itself further in my mind.

I'm sure this won't create unrealistic expectations for tonight's date...



A Non-Prospect and a "Real" Date

So one of the gentlemen who replied to my Farmer's Market post has been exchanging e-mails with me on and off this past week... we haven't spoken of anything substantial - I don't know his name, where he lives, what he does for work, what he looks like, or anything remotely important, however we keep chatting back and forth...  I'm tempted to ask him for some details and see if he'd mesh, but on the other hand, he hasn't really said anything to make me think that we'd get along in the "real world"...

In other news, I've got a date with Bachelor #1 this evening (I will then have a "real" nickname for him)... a real honest to goodness date! We're meeting at a pub for a drink... no expectations of hopping in to bed right away...

Not sure what to think of that.  We seem to click well online and he lives so close to me that I fear I'm developing unrealistic expectations of how this date will go.

Stay tuned dear listeners for the post-mortem later tonight...

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Another One Bites the Dust...

aaaaand Bachelor #3 is out of the running...  although he works near me, he refused to give a general location as to where he lived, and completely blew off/ignored any suggestion of him hosting... methinks there might be a girlfriend/wife at home... or hell... a boyfriend/husband... who knows.

So we're down to 2... and hopefully once everyone gets home from work I get another hit or two off of the ad...

More Prospects...

I'm seriously doubting if ID and I will ever get together... and the commute to him is far enough that I'm ready to discount him entirely... PB (PickleBarrel) has been automatically put out of the running, and none of the others I've been chatting with have really jumped out at me as worth my time...

So I've revampped my Fetlife profile, and posted another ad on CL... It was supposed to be another down and dirty "first 5 who don't suck" sort of thing... and then it turned in to this long, eloquent, in depth ad... so I moved it to "Misc Romance" instead of "Casual Encounters" ... because that really IS what I'm looking for... something more than just a one night stand...

I've received 5 replies so far... one was an abomination of grammatical and spelling errors, another turned out to have never actually done anything kinky before in his life, and so I'm left with 3 at this point...

Bachelor #1 is a Dom who lives in my neighbourhood.  Our basic kinks seems to match up well, he seems intelligent in his e-mails, and open to exploring further.  Only drawback is that his neice is living with him right now while she goes to school so scheduling time together might be a bit of a challenge.  However we're literally only a minute or two away, so short notice won't be much of a problem...

Bachelor #2 is apparently in to kink (I only spoke with him very briefly before he left for work, so I don't have TOO many details), just finished med school and has a list of accomplishments a mile long.  Drawback: he lives in Toronto.  Not sure what neighbourood yet

Bachelor #3 is a switch, our kinks match up fairly well... not sure what area he lives in, but he works not to far from where I do... he says he's only looking for friends at the moment but is flirting pretty heavily...

A Quick Tip...

For all of you people who may or may not be searching for your one (or second) true love and are posting/answering personal ads...

Spellcheck is your friend. So are full sentences.

If I put together a well thought out, eloquent post on what I am looking for, please put in more effort than:

"mature Domiannt male loves yur ad and would lvoe to know more about you
Im not attached but do to the fact i run my own business and referee Monir Hockry Im very busy but always make time for a lovely lady"

At the very least, have some self respect. Your response is your first impression of you, and blatant misspellings and net speak tell me that you just don't care.

Yonge/Lawrence...

So I suggested that my Yonge/Lawrence prospect pick the restaurant that we go to for our date... I mean - he lives in the area and there are a LOT of great little restaurants and pubs in the area.

He's chosen Pickle Barrel...

Of all of the choices in that area, he chooses one of the most mediocre chains in existence... even after we'd discussed my love of food and cooking

Pair that up with the commute and he is NOT the one...

Monday, October 5, 2009

The Neverending Story Part VII...

So I text BR prior to my doctor's appointment... I text him after my doctor's appointment... I call and leave a message.. .. after about 15 minutes I give up and go home.

Lo and behold, about an hour later I get a phone call from him with some excuse I didn't quite catch about why he didn't reply right away and tells me that his phone is dying (perhaps it was off earlier? I'm not sure) ... I tell him that I'm already most of the way home and he says that he'll make it up to me. I comment that at this point he needs to make it up to me 3 times over... his reply "shit, you're right" ... he says his phone is dying so we disconnect...

an additional 30 min later I get the following text message:

"I feel like shit. I'm so sorry. Phone's going off. I just wanted to let you know that I feel bad and I'm sorry"

now... I've got a fairly low tolerance for bullshit and I have to say that at this point I've pretty much written BR off as ever being a partner of any sort. He may be great in bed, but he's just too unreliable otherwise...

Perhaps I'll make him clean my car to "make it up to me" ...

The Neverending Story, Part VI

Didn't i just say I was going to hold off with BR until he contacted me first?

I just got an e-mail, comments on my facebook and him logging in to MSN to chat... that's sort of spooky...

He wants to reschedule dinner... he and CG may stop by to say hello before thanksgiving dinner... and will probably come to dinner the Sunday afterwards....

They're going to be downtown tonight (though apparently apart) and we may hang out after work...

confusion reigns....

In CG news, I have conflicting information which is tipping the scales closer to the "unhealthy/abusive psycho CG" scale... I got the impression that she had come to my city for school, but some people I know in "the scene" think they remember her from yeeeaaaaaars ago... sigh... I guess if we hang out tonight I'll try to get the full story of the two of them... maybe I just got my info wrong or misunderstood... and if she did lie to him about how long she's been in town and her involvement in the scene... well I'll be sure to let him know.

Current Prospects...

So I've received a few e-mails that seem promising... here's what I've got going on (potentially)...

Need to reschedule with ID

Have a date on Wednesday... may or may not cancel he lives at Yonge/Lawrence which would be a bitch commute on the weekends

Might have multiple guys seeking me out on Sunday at the Farmer's Market.. might be fun...

Having MSN conversations with a number of guys... none of them particularly *click* but you never know...

PW wants to bring a friend over next time to worship my feet... despite the fact that he's not bi and other than the impromptu fisting seems to be pretty vanilla... also.. dunno how a secondary relationship will work without kissing... I LIKE kissing...

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Farmer's Market @#(%

Wake up bright and early (ok, 8am) and I've got a text message waiting... BR and CG were out late and they want to sleep in, they're cancelling dim sum... well ^%$#@*$

Ok then, I post a quick ad to CL with a description of what I'm wearing and inviting guys to come find me at the Farmer's Market...

Off I go, have a great time (as usual) and found food at WAY too good of a deal (as usual)... no one found me, but when I got home my e-mail box was full of dick pics... big surprise.

Text with BR some more... filled him in on my latest disasters and lamented that so far no one could compare to him, then invited him and CG to Sunday dinner... he points out that not being with him was my choice, so I point out that I promised I'd call him on his shit and that the moment he breaks up with CG or tell her, I'm all over him like white on rice. He tells me that he jerked off 3 times Saturday night while thinking of me, while CG was taking a bath... I just don't get it...

He texts back later that he and CG aren't going to come to dinner... just spend the evening in together...

See... this is my problem with BR... he's so fucking fantastic in bed and our kinks match up so perfectly and even after only 3 "dates" by the 3rd it was as if we'd been together forever in terms of anticipating wants/desires...

Now i know that I'm romanticising this a bit, considering the string of disasters I've just had... but he really honestly was the best I've had recently.

But how do I know how much about CG is the truth, now that I know that he'd be willing to lie to her about me? How much of what he's told me is a lie? How much can I trust him? Was there really a boyfriend that she was visiting? Why do they keep cancelling? Is he trying to prevent me from meeting her? Or on the flip side, is he stuck in an abusive situation? Does he need my help? I'd feel like such as ass to think the worst of him when he needs my help.

That said, even if he IS in an abusive relationship, that doesn't really justify cheating... If/when he does dump/tell her, I don't care if he "cheats" or sleeps around because we wouldn't have anything more than a casual relationship... but it's still something he needs to work through and I need to be strong and not give in to the temptation for just one "farewell" kiss/fuck/whatever...

Saturday, October 3, 2009

Pretty Woman

Well that was disappointing... Let's continue the search... pull up my e-mail and find a promising subject... photos are hot, he seems nice enough... we get on MSN and start chatting...

He seems... *very* enthusiastic and in to my body type. Not sure how kinky he is, but at this point I've had such an unsatisfying weekend I'm ready for vanilla if it means I get to climax. A little *extra* paranoid about STD's etc, but hey... I can understand...

We meet at Starbucks (I wonder what the barista's think is going on) and he follows me home. We start touching and then he breaks out his condition...

I'm not to kiss him anywhere or touch him with my lips... because once, many years ago, I had a cold sore.

*crickets*

uhhh... ok... I can do that... I guess...

Apparently it's not just my lips that are tainted, because the only thing that touches me are his hands... or rather.. his hand.. in a fist... zomg!hot! Talk about impromptu scene... I was NOT expecting that...

But then.. the talk... "tell me you love me" "tell me I'm better than your husband" "tell me this is the best you've ever had"

Now... I'm all for dirty talk and boosting egos... but... "I love you"? PW has some issue methinks...

We end with him decorating my chest (WHAT IS IT WITH GUYS AND DOING THIS?! This will be #3 this weekend!) and he heads off... e-mails me later saying he had a great time and wants to do it again...

perhaps... he's certainly not "the one" (or "the second" as the case may be) ... but he might be worth exploring...

It's not Gay if there's a Woman in the Room... Right?

After my disappointing Friday night, things got worse... I got a text message from ID saying he had to reschedule 'cause his Saturday had filled up with some unexpected meetings.

Also got a text message from BR and we chatted back and forth a bit... I invited him and CG out to dim sum on Sunday so that we could all meet and she'd realize I'm not some crazy threat trying to steal her man... she agreed and we made plans for Sunday.

With my Saturday suddenly free I decided to try and hook up with this guy I'd been playing e-mail tag with for a while.. he and his buddy were looking for a girl to join them (yum!) He asks if I'm D&D free and I tell him that I am... I pack lots of condoms and some lube and away I go! Asked BR to be my safe call, which he agreed to (I'm not trying to make him jealous, he just knows about my search and was free)

I get there and am pleasantly surprised.. both guys are attractive and look like their photos... we make our way to the bedroom and get things going...

and realize that apparently "it's not gay if there's a woman in the room" ... after some per functionary fucking (I did get DP'd though, so it's not a total loss) they sort of lost interest in the female component of the party... and then the poppers broke out... as I lay there and boggled, I watched the guy on guy action go down (which was hot to watch, just not as satisfying as it could be) as they jerked off on to each other.

One hour after arriving, I was back in my car letting BR know that everything was fine... fucking hell, they were NOT the ones...

Friday, October 2, 2009

Mr. Multiples...

So my head has been killing me all week... I ended up cancelling on my friend's birthday outing and another house party afterwards with the intention of just going to bed early and trying to sleep it off...

I was talking to one of the Dom's that I'd been chatting with from my ad and he offered to come over and give me a massage to try and help my migraine. I agreed, and we met by the Starbucks near my house... dude.. telling me stories about your kids is NOT the way to impress me... but I digress.

First of all... dude's not that good an giving massages, but I figure "oh well, free massage"

Then he starts rubbing himself against me... ever so subtly... I figure "sure, why not... my head is feeling a little better and we hit it off online... let's see if he's the one"

I had warned him that I enjoy struggling, and sadly I almost won the fight for Dominance... he managed to pin me down though (yum) and flipped me over onto my knees... started bragging that he was going to give me multiple orgasms before he'd cum. Grabs the condom and away we go.

Long story short, I had to fake 4 orgasms before he pulled out, turned me over and decorated my chest.

I still can't tell you if he was cut or not... but I CAN tell you he wasn't the one...