They Say I've Got a Face Made for Radio...

Ok, that's not entirely true... I've been told I've got a voice for radio "but it'd have to be late night radio, cause it's too sexy for daytime"

I'm not sure what to think.

This enlightening comment came from my dear younger sister when we were skyping last week.  When I repeated the comment to LD, His reaction was along the lines of "It's perfect! Piggy Radio! You can do daily 5 minute recordings and sell them off to whoever will buy them.  That's how Perez Hilton started off and it's not like you're lacking in free time at the moment"

So I discovered something deeply disturbing about my psyche, Dear Readers.

You can ask me to piss myself in front of you... you can call me a dirty nasty whore... make me crawl through garbage in a dirty construction site and shout out my depravity for all to hear...  all without blinking.

Ask me to listen to the playback of a recording I've made, and all of a sudden I'm a blushing virgin.

I recorded a demo for Sir the other day - the 1st part of my swingers party story from the blog, for lack of better material.  After 5 seconds of Him listening, I had to lock myself in the bathroom with the fan on, and busy myself plucking my eyebrows and cleaning the toilet until He was finished.  I honestly could not listen to it without feeling complete and utter humiliation.

I have no clue why.

I have no problem recording it! I know how to use my voice to sound sultry and sexy.  If you asked me to talk dirty for you in person, I'd be fine with that - and in fact DO often use my voice to good effect in bed.

I am a strange, strange girl.

The other bump in this road, of course, is if anyone would listen and/or pick up my little podcast/radio show.  Would you listen to these stories and other rambling thoughts from my brain, if they were available?

Babies and Puppies

I find them to be pretty interchangeable.  Every now and then I see a cute one that I want to crouch down and play with (puppies more than babies), always with the understanding that I can hand it back whenever I get sick/bored/disgusted, and when I'm finished I always feel the need to scrub myself down quite thoroughly (babies more than puppies).

In other news, LD and I are getting along quite splendidly... I had a private concert with LD on His keyboard which led to an uncounted (on my part) number of orgasms.  I knew that Him playing turned me on, but I didn't realize quite now much.  I nearly slid off of the couch - thank god it's leather.  

Who knew - I really AM a perv...

Closure

I love all of you, Dear Readers, I really honestly do.

But please for fucks sake stop telling me I'm being physically abused.  Not once, not even in my original emotionally charged post, did I accuse Sir of physical abuse.  Him slapping me across the face is NOT an unusual occurrence. In fact, it is generally an activity that is enjoyed by both of us immensely.  As I outlined in the last of my posts from yesterday, the main issue was the physical response to Sunday's slaps, and my perceived and remembered happenings of the evening.

Sir and I had a long talk last night, and as they say, there are always 3 sides to every story - Her side, His side, and the Truth.  I believe that what happened on Sunday lies somewhere between our individual memories.

Sir says that He did not slap me any harder than He usually does - in fact He hit me less hard than He normally does.  Searching my memories of the evening, the slapping in particular, I do not see Him in my minds eye raising His hand to slap me, or pulling back His arm in any way.  This leads me to believe that He is telling the truth about His intentions and force to the blow.  My physical reaction to this was entirely unexpected by both of us, and based on previous play could not have been foreseen.

Sir also says that He did in fact lay with me for a while afterwards, and then checked in on me again later.  I have a vague memory of Him telling me to put my arm around Him afterwards, but no memory of Him actually laying with me, or checking on me.  Considering the pain in my head and level of drugs in my system, and what I know of His character, I am inclined to believe that at the very least He did make sure I wasn't in need of an ER visit before leaving.

This of course does not change the fact that yesterday I was exceedingly emotionally distraught over my memory and how I had perceived the event taking place.  I should not have written the original post prior to being fully awake and medicated, because I think that I unintentionally took a tone that I would not have otherwise.  For this I have apologized to my Master, but would like to do so again in this public setting.  I did not handle this situation with the grace and poise that I would like to think I am capable of, nor did I remember my place as Your slave and act appropriately.

I sought the advice of a trusted friend yesterday, one who knows us both, and she had this advice to offer:

he isn't perfect. but you aren't either. you are both human. You both care for each other and have something special going on. i wouldn't put all my upsetness over this one issue. you talked, you wrote it out. he apologized. i think its something to let go of.

again, i may not be getting the full picture, but what i am getting...seems like it was one of those human moments for you both. doesn't feel like abuse or someone who has zero regard for your well being. sounds like just one of those humanoid moments that you both felt something different about. you saw green, he saw blue. honestly, it sounds ok.

For those of you who remain concerned, you'll be glad to hear that Sir and I have decided to suspend all face slapping and breath play until Alastair is completely resolved.  Obviously my physical reaction to these types of stimulus have become unpredictable and quite serious, and we are both concerned about my health and safety.  The look on His face when He discussed how He felt, knowing He had caused that type of pain and disability is indescribable.  As you'll recall, we have had an incident early in our relationship involving honesty, and I can tell you all that His emotion and apology are 100% sincere.

If you still think that I'm being abused, I invite you to continue to read this blog and remain my friend.  If you honestly see any red flags or warning signals, I welcome you to bring your concerns to me.  The upshot to all of this is that it has really made me think about consensual slavery versus abuse, and I think that I will be discussing some of these thoughts over the rest of the week.

Some More Thoughts...

I appreciate everyone's personal input to me about abuse and inappropriate reactions.  I have a lot of thinking to do, and re-reading my post from earlier I certainly was very emotional still when I wrote it.  Some more factual information about the incident:

1) I was in fact disobeying His long-standing request to not cling to Him so hard

2) Face slapping IS a common occurrence between us, so it's not unusual for that to have been His reaction

3) He is human, and humans make mistakes.

Did He over-react? Yes, even He has admitted that.

Will He do it again? Only time will tell.

Could He have chosen a better place to hit me as a reprimand? HELL YES!

Did he purposefully physically abuse me? No.

As Dear Husband has pointed out - discipline isn't supposed to be sexy, and only I can decide if it was abuse or not, and if it's something I can live with, and if so in what way.  The migraine issue is what complicates things.  If it weren't for the migraine I'd have had nothing to write about.  Do I expect a higher standard of attention and care for my safety by putting myself in the position I do with Him? Yes, of course.  But He is still human.

My plans for tonight have fallen through, so He and I will have a long discussion tonight.  I promise all of you, Dear Readers, that I will not just lie down and take it, or accept an apology or situation I'm not comfortable with, just because I carry the label 'slave'.

Time for a Debate...

Which would be better/worse?

He had done it on purpose, deliberately... meaning He had been thinking about my head/health and just chose to disregard it

OR...

It was a honest mistake, done without any malice or notice of my head/health?

On the one hand... if it was deliberate at least He was thinking of my health and could make a conscious choice not to do the same thing again... but it means that this was done out of deliberate anger...

On the other hand... if it was an honest mistake, He remains a good person who just did a bad thing without thinking... but what's to stop further mistakes if He's not keeping my health and wellbeing in the forefront of His mind?

...

Discuss...

Amazing

Apparently after being specifically told to be quiet in the morning, my silence is deafening and I was told to talk.  I told Him exactly how I felt and everything from my previous post, and He agreed that I had a right to feel angry and betrayed, that it wasn't a deliberate and malicious act, that it was an overreaction and that He regrets it and apologizes, and that apparently He did lie with me for a few minutes (not that I noticed through the crying and the pain).

I'm still not sure how to feel.  I'm still angry and feeling betrayed, and I made sure He knew that I was not ready to forgive Him.  I still feel like this was a horrible abuse of my trust, despite it not being a deliberately cruel act.  

Of course, every time I think about or discuss or write about this I start crying, which isn't helping the intense pain in my head.

Luckily, I have a date with a friend tonight, so once He leaves for work I will not see Him until I get home just before bedtime.  I think that the distance may do me good, and perhaps it will give Him some time to think about things from my perspective and how He can make things right.

My Weekend

My Dear Readers, I don't know what to do and I am turning to you for advice.  I had a... troublesome weekend.  Let me weave for you my tale of woe...

I had trouble sleeping Saturday night because of Alastair, so I woke up on Sunday in a foul mood.  Spent part of Sunday trying to sleep, and when that failed, threw myself in to errands and little projects around the apartment to try and wear myself out enough to sleep. As I'm scrubbing the bathtub with alcohol to fix my botched "attach a hook with caulking to the bathtub wall" project, LD comes in and tells me that I am living with him to relax and heal, and that I shouldn't be wearing myself out - I should go lie down, or sit and read a book, or something similar.  Now, this was actually pretty good advice because my head was so bad I was having random dizzy spells, so I went and started to read, but was pretty restless.

I made a comment about feeling like a caged tiger, so He decided we should go for a walk, which we did, and it was actually quite enjoyable.  Sir plied me with weed as we sat on the rocks overlooking the lake, and managed to make me crack a smile.  When we returned, I had another dizzy spell and he put me to bed.  Now, before I continue my story, have I mentioned that he's got this pet peeve over when I've got my arms around his neck and I don't let go right away when he pulls back?  No?  It's something He's only mentioned recently and I've been trying to be better about it, but I don't always notice right away when He's pulling away.

So here we are Sunday afternoon, I'm having a dizzy spell, I'm slightly high, and He's leading me to bed.  I'm clinging on to Him for all I'm worth, He's got me tucked in and we're kissing.  Suddenly I feel Him pulling away rather hard - I must have not noticed him doing it earlier.  I let go and He asks me "What have I told you about not letting go?" I mutter an apology and am starting to explain that I hadn't noticed 'cause I was dizzy and high and kissing Him when he asks me again louder "What have I told you about not letting go?" I dutifully reply "don't do it".  "That's right" He says, "don't do it" ... while He's saying that He slaps me and then backhands me across the face.  Hard.  The vision in my left eye goes dim and blurry (happens sometimes with my migraines when they're bad), the pain explodes in my head, my ears start ringing and I start crying.  I curl in to a ball and the only words I'm able to get out are "why the hell couldn't you have hit me anywhere else?"  He pulls the covers over me and leaves without a word.

Now, even when I've done something wrong and I'm actually being punished, He gives me aftercare and/or first aid... a cool towel for my forehead, some ice for the back of my neck, some cuddles and words of reassurance... something.  This time... nothing.  This happened around 4:30.  I came out of the bedroom at 5, told Him I was taking a sleeping pill and going to bed and He could fend for himself for dinner.  His response "that's too bad".  I tell Him that my vision is still blurry in my left eye.  His response "We should talk about this"  I told him I needed some time to cool down or else I'd say things I regretted.  Going to bed He comes in for a good night kiss and says "I know that you're angry, but if I were to drop dead of a heart attack tonight, you'd regret not kissing me good night" Which is true, so we kiss.  I managed to sleep in 4 hour stretches of time, having to get up for more painkillers every 4 hours.  I'm lucky I don't bruise easily, because I've got a job interview today at 11.

Reading this over it sounds like he's a horrible wife beater, which really isn't the case. He did however, abuse my trust.  He talks about how he wants to keep me safe and would never harm me (different from hurting me) and how He wants above all else for me to heal.  And then he goes and ignores all three of those - how hypocritical.  My head didn't even hurt this bad when I first came here 2 weeks ago.  Though I had an MRI almost a year ago that didn't find any physical signs for the pain, what if whatever it is was too small to see then? What if His lack of care while slapping me, and lack of aftercare caused an aneurysm to burst or something else serious?  Obviously the risk of that is low, but the risk is still there with what and the way He did it, and the lack of care afterwards.

What hurts the worst His reaction directly afterwards... even more than the slaps.  He just left the room and walked away.  There are hundreds of other ways He could have punished me - why He chose to slap me there when He knew how badly I was hurting just seems deliberately cruel in a non-sexy way, not to mention an overreaction for my misdeed.

I'm glad He and I didn't talk last night because I definitely would have said things I didn't mean, but even typing it all out now is making me cry.  I don't know if I'm over-reacting, or under-reacting, or what.  Your input is appreciated Dear Readers.

Update

The interview that was supposed to be at 3pm has been rescheduled to Monday at 11.

sooo... barring any last minute interviews, our final tally for this week is: 2

Frustration

On Monday I had 3 Interviews, with Company X, Company Y and Company Z, on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday.

On Tuesday I went to my interview with Company X.  When I got home, there was an e-mail from Company Z telling me they had hired a candidate from Monday's interviews and no longer wished to see me on Thursday.

An hour later, the recruiter for Company Y told me that the client (Company Y) wasn't doing interviews on Wednesday for my position, they were interviewing for other positions that day and she would keep me posted about the rescheduling of my interview.

Tuesday night I had gone from 3 interviews to 1.

Wednesday I got a call from Company A and did a preliminary screening  Wednesday afternoon I got a call back from Company A asking me to come and interview on Friday.

Thursday I was messing around on LinkedIn and sent some e-mails to a few people I'd recently added on a whim, asking if they'd consider taking a look at my profile.  This morning I had an e-mail from one of them asking for my resume.  Half an hour later (at 7am) he asked me to come and interview.  Today. This afternoon.

As of Friday afternoon, I will have gone from 1 interview to 3.

As Charlie Brown would say... "good grief"

Today I have...

Baked 120 cookies - Chocolate Chip, Butter Pecan Toffee, Swiss Chocolate with Dark Chocolate Chips & Swiss Chocolate Toffee

Made the Bed

Did a load of dishes

Dusted all surfaces

Windexed all glass and mirrors

Swiffered the floor

Mopped the floor

Changed the lightbulbs in the bathroom and windexed the bulbs

Wiped down all counters and tables

Folded and put away the laundry

Sectioned and Froze 20 chicken breasts

Cleaned the Toilet and Bathtub

Removed and Cleaned the failed attempt at caulking hooks to the bathtub wall

Organized and Tidied up my shoes and purses

Took out the garbage and recycling

Made a gift for my Sir

... It's 3:30... is it time for bed yet?!

Today I have...

Woken up at 4am because of Alastair and been unable to fall back asleep

Had a shower organizer fall on my head when the hook I had attached to the shower wall gave way.

Let the recalcitrant LD get to me as I attempted to get Him awake and out of bed, making me cranky and angry and frustrated at His cruel words (which I know He doesn't mean because He's asleep and doesn't remember saying them)

Cried because of the first three items on this list

Made LD late for work due to the cheering-up sex that ensued

Burnt my index finger on BOTH SIDES while baking cookies

Broke a wineglass while washing it, nicking the back of my hand

It's only 2pm...  the day can only get better, right?

My Fun Weekend

Friday Sir messages me that He's having a bad day.  Luckily, He does this early enough in the day that I can prepare... I hop in the shower, come out and tidy the apartment.  I roll a joint and put a glass in the freezer to chill.  I put on stockings, over-the-knee boots and a red satin corset.  I do my makeup and lay out clothing for Sir to change in to from His work clothing.  Dinner goes in the oven and all of the prep work gets done so that I can provide for Sir without delay.

As His key enters the lock, I prostrate myself in the living room.  Ass in the air, forehead to the floor.  A chuckle.  A sign that already the week's stresses are fading away.  

Whiskey is poured.  The joint is smoked.  The rope comes out.  Sir confesses that He has no plan, which is fine by me.  I love these spontaneous moments where the focus is on each other, and not a specific 'tie'.  My wrists are secured behind my back, and the rope winds around my body, between my legs, between my teeth, immobilizing my head.  While my legs are free, I am essentially trapped - a pretty piece of living sculpture.  

While I have been living with Alastair, my sex drive has been lacking.  OK, I lie... my sex drive hasn't, but my ability to orgasm has decreased as Alastair has romped through my head like an ill-behaved toddler at a playground.  Since I have been living with LD, this ability and desire has returned. As I sit with my legs spread, trussed up like a Thanksgiving Turkey, Sir turns on the vibrator.

At this point, Dear Readers, I can't really describe more... I'm told there were 6 orgasms, and I went to bed with a sore throat, feeling rather hoarse.  Somewhere in there I managed to feed Sir dinner.  

Most importantly though, I improved His mood.

Alastair and Interviews

I'm sorry to do this to you, Dear Readers, but today is going to be a 'dog ate my homework' post... I've got an interview today and have been busy all day getting ready, and won't be able to post anything of substance.  Tomorrow though, and Thursday, the interviews I was supposed to have have been cancelled or delayed *sighs* and so I will have plenty of time to tell you all about the interesting things I got up to this weekend!

My Missing Education

Sir and I were out running errands on Saturday and we decided to get some lunch.  Sitting outside on the patio, enjoying the beautiful day, Sir makes a comment about all of the men staring at me.

"what men? staring? at what?"

Apparently my tight sweater was gathering a number of appreciative glances, much to my oblivious delight.  I challenged Him to prove to me that this was happening, and mention it when it happened again.  For the rest of the afternoon, ever couple of minutes Sir would point out someone He felt was ogling me.  I'm not sure that many of these glances was anything more than general people watching and "seeing" people as opposed to "looking" at them, but it made me think...

I have never picked up a person without the assistance of the internet.  Am I that ruined by digital matchmaking that I can not recognize more subtle in-person clues?

In high-school, I dated two guys from my personal group of friends... but after that I've met and/or negotiated every relationship and hookup over the internet.  I've never picked someone up in person, never gotten a one night stand at a club, and obviously can't even tell when people are flirting/staring/trying to pick me up in person.  It's like I'm social retarded... a Digital Native trying to navigate a foreign culture.  What is this "real life" you're telling me about?  People find sex out there too?

I'm so confused.

ZOMG WHY ARE PEOPLE SO DUMB?!

Hottest toy of the summer! - m4w (Toronto) 36yr

from craigslist | miscellaneous romance in toronto

Greetings and salutations Ms. Customers, 

Welcome to slaves'R'us. As Your personal shopper, allow me to guide You through our various departments and products. On the left there is the electronics section, full of electro-play and other fine torture devices. On the right is our leather section, with a wide variety of the finest whips, hoods, and boots among other things. Over there…… 

Pardon me? *pause* Oh! The hottest toy of the summer? Well, *looking both ways before leaning in and quietly whispering*, we just received this fine slave toy. he's a beta unit. Well it's funny, because he appears to be an 'alpha unit' by all conventional standards. *wide grin* But i mean he's a beta unit, in that, he has had basic testing and training, but nobody has ever really taken a good run at him. You know, taken him to the absolute limits and test him out thoroughly. 

What sort of experience you ask? It's a wide variety from the basic obedience training, pet training, domestic servitude, humiliation, degradation, various types of pain play and worship. Really the beauty of this unit is that he's quite adaptable, and will quickly understand Your specific needs and grow to suit You. 

Yes we do expect a mad rush for this unit, as he is a unique one of a kind model. In addition to the basic training, he's finely educated, cultured, ambitious, has solid family values and continually seeks the approval of his Owner. 

Check out? Of course, let's get You to the check out counter, and i will have him wrapped up and ready to go. 

Teasing and Denial

So I promised you some more insight in to my psyche (though I can't imagine any of you really want to know MORE about the deviant thoughts running through my head)...

One of my favourite activities as a Domina, is teasing and denial.

The whinging...

The whimpering...

The groans of frustration...

Such a power rush! Having complete control over a person sexually, from arousal to climax... being able to play them like an instrument.  Bring them to a resounding, earth shattering, wake-the-neighbours-up orgasm... or leave them whimpering.

Sadly, I kind of hate it from the other side of the coin... so frustrating!

Well, it's official

I am now LD's full-time bitch.  Everything is moved in.  Dear Husband who? Did I have a home elsewhere? 

Oh yes... it's where all of those forgotten things are...

Will update more tomorrow... I *promise*

I'm back!

Thank you all for your outpouring of gifts and concern over my trip to see my family.  I have indeed survived, and am in fact a gorgeous purse and two sweaters richer, so all in all it wasn't the worst visit in the world.

Except for the crying...

Which was only marginally worse than the hostile silence...

Which was actually better than listening to my mother complain about: my father, her mother, the drivers, my sister, my father, the small town they live in, her workplace, and my father...

I think what I'm trying to say, Dear Readers, is I'm glad to be home.

Today I need to run around and finish packing and moving in to LDs.  How is there still so much stuff to pack?!

Advice for traveling by plane with a migraine

Don't.

Time Off

Hi Guys,

Sorry - I was going to post earlier but as I type this I am waiting for a flight back to the boonies to visit my family.  I got caught up in packing and getting stuff ready and didn't have time to put anything together.  I will try to post tomorrow and Monday, but if you don't hear from me, look forward to some content on Tuesday.

Whenever I manage to post again, we'll talk about Chastity, Teasing and Denial... one of my favourite activities as a Domme!

Sorry Folkes, More Filler

I promise some original content later today.  In the mean time, please enjoy this stupid craigslist ad.

younger looking for a mommy and daddy - w4mw

from craigslist toronto | casual encounters search "w4mw"

Hey I'm a young female 18 turning 19 this month looking for my first 3some, I am a very shy girl so I love for a couple to get out my naughty side and looking for girl on girl. I'm looking for now asap. I want to get action tognite so older couples email me I don't have pics using cell so must not care about me sending u piocs cuz I can't looking to play now for hopur or so I don't drive and don't have own place. I'm white 38d tits and nice body I do weigh 140 and I'm by sq1

Delving in to my Psyche, Part III

I spent last week talking a lot about my desires, quirks and fetishes as a submissive... I thought I'd let my Domina out to play a bit today...

So what do I enjoy as a Domme?

I love control. But really, who doesn't? Even the vanillas enjoy control, why else would society place such importance on getting ahead and advancing your career? Having control over others professionally is almost as good as having control over them sexually. I like having *complete* control however. I will tie you up in whatever position pleases me, for the length of time I desire. I will molest you wherever, whenever and however I like. I will make you worship my feet while I watch TV, lick my ass while I read a book, massage me until I fall asleep. It's all about me, ya?

I've spent many years trumpeting that I am a unique and special flower - a Masochistic Dominant. That is true - I much prefer to be beaten than to beat someone. But over time I have realized that there is a strong sadistic streak in me... it's just very subtle.

I'll leave the crops and canes and floggers to others... I may use them from time to time for effect, or because my submissive enjoys them... but for my own pleasure, I much prefer psychological pain. Humiliation. Mind Fucks. Emotion.

Making my submissive fuck a ziploc bag full of lube that's stuck between the mattress and box spring, while I sit back and munch on a bowl of popcorn. If I'm feeling especially cruel, I'll throw some uncooked rice under his knees before making him kneel.

Taking him to a sex toy shop and loudly helping him purchase a masturbatory aid, speculating on his preference for fake pussy, fake ass, or fake mouth.

Blindfolding and gagging him, putting in ear plugs and then watching him squirm as he holds his position... waiting... and waiting... and waiting... for something... anything... to happen. Or securing a vibrator to the length of his cock, commanding him not to come, and then just sitting back and watching the show.

I go through a lot of popcorn when I'm Domming someone on a regular basis. They're just there for my amusement, yeah?

*Puts on her Hard Hat*

For those of you who read me on your RSS feed (or get my posts delivered right to your inbox), check out the following:

1) Remember when I said that BR is back? He's been a regular commenter on the blog since then and I highly encourage you to read through my latest posts and their comments!

2) I've done some updates to the design of the blog - I'd love your input on what works for you and what doesn't.

3) Along with updating the design, I've gone back and updated all of my tags, so all posts should be tagged. If you're looking for a specific post, scroll down to the bottom of the page to the tag cloud to see if that helps. As well, if any posts seem to be missing tags, are miss-tagged, or need additional tags, please let me know!

Now go back to enjoying your long weekend - I'll see you all back here Tuesday.

Delving in to my Psyche, Part II

I enjoy feeling helpless... the more helpless the better.  Tie me up and expose me to the world, experiment and examine me, take me 'against my will' and I'm happy as a clam.  Being molested in my sleep? HAWT... being woken up with sex is the best... in those sleepy moments before you really quite realize what's going on and you haven't fully consented yet... being used as a living sex doll... 

...mmmmmm...

where was I?

Oh yes.. being helpless.  I'm not sure WHY this is such a great turn on... perhaps it's that feeling of surrender and vulnerability... perhaps it's just because I get off on 'non-con' play and even when you're consenting to be helpless, you're not consenting to individual activities... It involves quite a bit of trust to allow yourself to be helpless. 

That said, there's something deliciously yummy about hardcore gang-bang take-down rough rape play.  Gets me wet just thinking about it... I love to fight back and struggle and LOSE.  Forced Helplessness FTW.

I love to know that I'm not helpless and exposed because of my own perverse desires and submissive feelings... that I am truly helpless and not just 'pretending'.

If I had more of a death wish, I'd go wandering through the bad parts of town in a short skirt.

Delving in to my Psyche, Part I

I've mentioned here before that I love piss play... I just find it so wonderfully degrading and dirty.

What I've recently discovered though, is that I'm crap at it.  Apparently I either have a shy bladder, or all of my narcotics are fucking me up.  Either way it makes for a very dry play session.

For those of you who do not know (and I won't blame you if you don't, it's a little-known side effect), habitual use of narcotics can cause urinary hesitancy, which in laymens terms is kind of like constipation for pee.... you NEED to pee (quite badly even) and your brain is saying "go on then, pee" and your bladder is giving it the good ol' college try, but nothing comes out... nothing but patience and a *very full* bladder is gonna open the flood gates.

Now because of dear Alastair, I've been on a variety of narcotics for quite some time now... enough that even when I haven't taken any painkiller recently, it can take a while to get the flow started..

...everyone talks about their bladder online, right?  

I'm not over sharing, am I?

oh well, if you didn't want to know the minute details of the goings on between my legs, you wouldn't be reading this blog.

So a few weeks ago... the weekend of the huge enema vs orgasm battle... Sir decided I was going to piss in a bowl for him, on the floor, like the dirty degraded slut that I am.

Let's just say that, while a nice fantasy, this didn't happen.  Despite my best efforts, and that horrible cramping of Bladderzilla trying to conquer nearby internal organs, there was no pee to be had.  

I certainly didn't feel shy or embarrassed to be peeing in front of Master...  so maybe it's not a shy bladder... maybe I just honestly need to be full to the point of literally pissing myself... or maybe Master just needs to settle Himself down in a chair with some music playing and some snacks and just enjoy the show as I kneel on the floor for approximately 2 hours just to be able to produce some piss...

My Master...

... is never any crueler than He knows I can handle

... can see through my doubts and fears and push me further than I think I can go

... tucks me in to bed and holds me until I fall asleep

Greedy Greedy

Masturbate while giving me head - m4w 25yr

from craigslist | miscellaneous romance in toronto

Hey, any women like to masturbate while giving a guy head? I think it is so hot when a woman is pleasuring herself while giving me a mind blowing BJ. I'd love to meet a woman and make that happen one day, but no pressure. I am white, skinny built, D&D free. So, what do ya think?

I think that you're a selfish prick who wants to find a fantasy girl who will do all the work pleasuring both you and herself.  Do you get to fall asleep directly afterwards, or does she have the pleasure of getting you a sandwich and a beer first?