This guy just doesn't make the grade

I honestly don't have words for this ad - this guy posts this identical ad, word for word, probably every month or so... it's OBVIOUSLY not working for him, so why is he still posting it?  Seriously dude... try another tactic - this one isn't cutting it.

See you all on Tuesday!

??? THE ULTIMATE GIRLFRIEND CHALLENGE ??? - m4w - 24

Hold On Right There! 

Before you read this... 

If you are flaky, boring or you're a psychotic stalker chick, then please stop reading this now and find someone else to terrorize! :P 

Otherwise, if you are fun & cute, then read every word on this page very carefully cuz you might win 1000 CAS.H!!! 

Yes! 1000 big mahoneys!! 

So my best friend, she suggested that I post this here as a sort of experiment... 

Maybe you are that special girl and you are reading this right now! 

Maybe not. 

But one thing is for sure, unlike all those lovable losers out there that are desperate for just any kind of girl 

I'm extremely specific about the type of girl I want. 

Actually, it's a very stringent screening process. 

And guess what? 

I made a little quiz, so that it would save your time and well as mine! 

By answering these simple, yet revealing questions, you will tell me everything I need to know about you in order to see if you are THAT special girl (or at least close to it) 

Amazing isn't it? 

This took many years of study and research to develop! 

Don't believe me? 

Why don't you give it a shot: 

Ready? 

Here's goes:. 


******************************************** 
THE ULTIMATE GIRLFRIEND CHALLENGE!! 

******************************************** 

IQ QUIZ: 

What do cows drink? 

Your answer: _________________ 

TALENT QUIZ: 

can you rub your tummy in a circle and stomp your head with your 
fist at the same time? 

Your answer: _________________ 

DATING QUIZ: 
. 
what is your best pickup line? 

Your answer: _________________ 

ROMANCE QUIZ: 

If you were to take me on a surprise vacation anywhere in the world, 
where would you take me, and what would we do? 

Your answer: _________________ 

SEX QUIZ: 

what would you rather have? 1 year of amazing, toe-curling, 
neighbor-calling-911 sex and the next year of no sex, OR would you 
rather have 2 years of so-so sex? 

Your answer: _________________ 

MONEY QUIZ: 

If you win this challenge, and if you had to choose, would you 

a)take the 1000 dollar prize OR 
b)trade it for a date with me? 

Your answer: _________________ 


Your name __________________ 


*optional - attach your photo. 

*************************************************** 

Am I being too strict? 

Well good, because I like a girl who is confident enough for a challenge. 

Just a word of caution, be honest. 

Because if you lied, I can tell... and that would get you automatically disqualified (unless you're flirting) ;) 

Anyway... 

So I'll be leaving this posting up for a few days to see what happens... 

Oh yeah, almost forgot: 

Some logistics: 

"You must be 18-26 to participate, female, attractive, single, drug-free and healthy" 

Looking forward to your answers! 

Good luck! 

P.S. So go ahead and send me your answers now! Who knows. Maybe we'll click and maybe we won't. But, at the very least, you won't be replying to someone boring, typical guy and maybe, just maybe, it will all turn out great. 

Men are like bank accounts...

... Unless they've got a lot of money, they generate very little interest.

I'm a lousy Gold Digger

So after yesterday's post I decided to try a different type of Craigslist ad... specifically one looking for a "Splenda Daddy" or "Mentor with Benefits".

I got flagged and removed 3 times.

What gives?!

Why can this guy keep his posts up when I can't?

Looking to make some ca$h today? - m4w - 33 (downtown

Are you in need of money and have some free time later on this afternoon or evening? 

Do you look good in pantyhose, stockings, nylons, or tights? 

Do you also like to wear heels? 

If you are interested in making $750 for something that does not include sex, feel free to e-mail me. 

Despite my inability to craft a suitably subtle ad (apparently), I did get a number of replies... one of them from a marketing recruiter who has looked over my resume and it willing to try and place me.  Sweet!

As well, I got an offer for a 6-figure salary if I suck my bosses cock twice a week.

Let me tell you... that was tempting for a while.  However, it's one thing to practice unorthodox networking methods, and another to sleep with your boss.  One of those is colossally stupid.  So, apparently I make a shitty gold digger...  I totally could have slept my way to the top, and instead have elected to continue working on my resume (with the help of LD and my marketing recruiter) and will probably regret not making a 6 figure salary for many months to come.

Even if I were 4" taller and 30lbs lighter, I couldn't make it as a gold digger - I just don't seem to have the disposition to part men from their (or their company's) money when they're thinking with their dicks.  I'm too altruistic for my own good.

I lied

I promised you all something interesting today, didn't I?

I have decided that I need a new place to troll for partners, and I had an interesting conversation with my theater date this past weekend about this very situation.

First though, let's delve a little more in to my demographics:

• I am poor (ok, I'm not, but I also can't afford the 'nicer things in life' that the petty vain part of me desires)
• I am stuck in a dead end job with no hope of career advancement
• I am very liberal in my affections

Then it hit me... what I need is a Sugar Daddy!  Some high powered executive mentor who will introduce me to his network, help me jump start my career, and pay for me to look the part and get used to the lifestyle in which I will soon become accustomed to, all in exchange for some of mind blowing head.  Sounds ideal, right?

So where do I find a Sugar Daddy?

And how do I integrate him in to life with DH and LD?  And my as-yet-named boytoy... perhaps I need an elderly Sugar Daddy with memory problems ("Don't you remember my visit last week, when I did that thing with my tongue that you love so much?")

Honestly though, I'm not sure if I could do it...  It seems too much like mixing business with pleasure.  I have no qualms with sex work - I've done porn, I've worked as a pro-sub and pro-Domme, and I'm looking to get in to escorting... but it's just business...  money in exchange for services.  No artificial emotion thrown in.

and on the other hand, I'm sure that if I sucked the brains out of LD I could clean His bank account dry without much protest... when we first started going out He confessed that He enjoyed lavishing gifts on His girlfriends and I specifically asked Him not to because it made me uncomfortable.  Like he was buying my love or affections.  

The whole concept of a Sugar Daddy seems to blend these two together too much... it's like hiring an escort to love you... and I'm just not sure I can do that.

So for the time being, LD is helping me with my resume and the contacts that He has in the city, and I continue to suck Him dry on a regular basis... I guess that sort of makes Him my.. Splenda Daddy?

The vain petty pretty princess in me though thinks it might be fun to find one of these guys and let him buy me a new wardrobe, or shoes, or hair extensions, or jewelry, or.. or.. or...

I an a naughty girl

I am so sorry for abandoning you yesterday, Dear Readers.  I must confess, it completely slipped my mind and I didn't even realize I hadn't posted until my dear stalker informed me of this egregious error on my part.

I will blame my shitty mood over the weekend which led to not a whole lot of interesting happenings to talk about on Monday morning.

As well, I am now back with DH for the week, which means less in the way of kinky shenanigans.

I promise to have something interesting to say tomorrow.

Reason #11

I forgot my painkillers at home.

hrmph

TGIF?

Normally I would be filled with the same amount of jubilation and lassaiz-fair as the next person on a Friday, however I have a wicked wicked case of IPS (Irritable Piggy Syndrome), for the following reasons:

1) I'm hormonal, and while the bleeding has stopped and i had a reprieve from the cramps yesterday, they are back in full force along with back pain and my headache

2) My shirt does not back up with my bra - it is a deeper 'V' neck and so you can see my bra unless I tug my shirt to cover it every 3 seconds.

3) I feel fat, and the breakfast of bagel and donut did not help any

4) I was running late this morning, which is why I ended up with a bagel and donut for breakfast, and why I have no lunch except for a package of 'emergency' rice cakes at my desk

5) my middle finger hurts, because I have had to file it down as far as it will go.  I don't think that I want to get in to the misery and rage and all over temper-tantrumnyness of this situation.  We'll leave it at my typing is fucked up and the finger hurts.. it is however a large part of my foul mood at the moment

6) I was running late and couldn't find any of the panties that I packed, so I'm wearing jeans without panties and every time my christina rubs against the seam I have a flash of fear that it's going to catch and there will be a big bloody wreck between my legs

7) Things aren't going as smoothly with greedy as I'd like

8) My job sucks, and my coworker has come back from her honeymoon even more full of hatred for her place in this company and is being quite vociferous about it

9) My car is making a funny noise which I suspect is spelling doom to any savings I've managed to accumulate

10) My acne is out of control

Is it time to go home yet and just knock myself out?  At least while comatose I can't be this cranky.

A Rant...

When did polyamory fall out of favour?

"Back in the day" it was perfectly normal for people to date a number of people concurrently - teens didn't rush in to 'exclusive' relationships.  Look at the Archie/Betty/Veronica love triangle.  A good commentary on how society is changing is the simple fact that just recently they made Archie choose one over the other.  None of this 'loving two girls' crap anymore.

These days, a girl who chooses to date more than one person at a time is viewed as somehow dishonest, or a tramp.  I'm not talking about single girls who have strings of first dates, with the occasional second date thrown in.  It seems that if a person is interested in someone past a second date, you've immediately entered in to an unspoken exclusive relationship... it's not kosher to be casually dating more than one guy at a time.  This isn't Free Love Movement stuff either - it was far more mainstream... much as it was common to refer to your girlfriend as your 'baby' or 'little girl' or other terms that are now considered patronizing and condescending and not-at-all-PC.

Mind you, once you made a commitment and got married you were stuck in monogamy... so it's not like there was ever a time where I wouldn't have had to be careful around other people about mentioning DH when I'm with LD and LD when I'm with DH...

but wouldn't it be nice?

I suppose if we were all hippies and lived on one big commune people wouldn't look twice at my many lovers...  but sadly I will never live in a world where I can be free and open about my relationships.

It's a good thing I've gotten very good at censoring my references to having a husband, or a lover...

Meet greedy

Dear Readers... do you ever think to yourself "my life is not nearly complicated enough" or "I don't have enough sexual partners in my life"?

Have you ever tried to collect a harem?

...

...

no?

...

really? I'm the only one?

...

honestly?!

When I started this blog, I was searching for a permanent secondary partner... though really I was doing a lot of casual, random fucking around.  Then fate deigned to bring LD in to my life and all was well.

Mostly.

Content in my life as a wife to DH and a slave to LD, the third little part of my psyche started to nag at me... the Domina in me wanted to come out and play.

So what was a girl to do, but find another man?!

(wait, that's not what a girl's to do?)

You've read along as I've made my attempts at finding that unicorn of the poly world - a bisexual partner (male in our case, though female would do).  You've read as I've told you that we've finally stopped actively looking.  And of course, when you give up, Fate comes along to make you feel like a fool.

We may have found an alternative.  I'd like everyone to meet greedy.

greedy is a sexy little thing of a submissive boy, who likes to be dressed up and locked up in chastity.  He's bisexual but prefers young twinks, and is only really comfortable with LD watching, not participating.  He is currently practicing some chastity for me, in preparation for our date Sunday afternoon.  Poor thing will be ready to burst by the time he gets here.  Good thing I'll have lots of ice on hand.

We'll see if we can make this work - a million things could go wrong so I'm not holding my breath yet.  Everyone please cross their fingers and send positive thoughts our way - I'll have all the salacious details for you on Monday!

The Internets have failed me...

It's all the usual idiots on CL right now Dear Readers...  no one stands out enough to make a post out...

There's the lady looking for a man to impregnate her...

The guy who wants someone to enter his unlocked house, fuck him and then leave without saying a word... completely anonymously...

The usual gang of "I'm straight but I want a MMF threesome, as long as the other guy doesn't touch me" posts...

The M4M ads alternately looking for sugar daddies or trying to find a twink to take with them on vacation (does anyone do that? it seems rather unsafe to embark on a trip with someone you've never really met)

Have I just become blase Dear Readers?

In other news, LD and I have given up actively searching for a bisexual boytoy... I have found one who is bisexual but his preference leans towards twinks and is kind of new...  I have a date with him on Sunday, and I shan't say any more until he's given me the ok to blather on about him here.

what can I say? I'm a saint.

Congratulations are in order!

So about 7 million years ago, LD and I bought a Big Red Buttplug. I would say that at its widest point, it is slightly larger than the diameter of the average wrist. Those of you who are petite women, this butt plug is probably about the size of your fist at its widest point (I'm thinking of one of you in particular ;)

This thing is ... big

We purchased this plug because we had to replace my old plug. It's a very sad story.

Back in the paleolithic era (or, my first year of university), I was overcome with joy - living on my own meant that I could finally own sex toys! It's not that I had an insane fear of them being discovered... I just lived in a small town and had nowhere to purchase them. One of my very first purchases was a butt plug. Not just any butt plug... as an avid anal whore even from a young and tender age, I bypassed 'small' and 'medium' and purchased what was described as a 'large' butt plug off of the Come As You Are website.

That's right Dear Readers - I purchased a 'large' buttplug, sight unseen, as my very first anal toy.

I must be a fucking prodigy, because that baby slipped right in no problem and we were faithful friends for ever more. Until recently.

Sadly, My First Buttplug was made of latex, and was constructed as a hollow form which was then filled with more latex, and through years and years of use, the inner part had come undone from the outer shell.... this meant that lube and santorum and all sorts of unsanitary things were getting in to the inside of the plug and it really couldn't be cleaned properly. My baby had to be thrown out.

So fast forward to 7 million years ago when Sir decided it was time to upgrade. Let's just say that the Big Red Buttplug is probably twice the size of my old 'large' one. It does not slide in easily. In fact, it does not 'slide' in at all.

Until last night.

After a number of play sessions where we have attempted to coax my derrière in to accommodating this behemoth, my ass has finally succumb to my Master's will.

Strangely enough, I am less sore today - after having gotten this huge thing all the way in to my ass... and then out again - than I have been after previous play sessions where we weren't able to get it in. I suppose it won't be too long now before I can give the goatse man a run for his money.

The man with a thousand faces...

Posted July 15th...

Have Tits, Want Cock? - m4t - 26 (Downtown)

Im in town for a couple days. Looking to get into some trouble. I am strictly top. 
If you are hot bottom and not a CD get back to me with a picture, and lets have some fun. 
burning blade 98 on ya hoo (delete the spaces) 

Posted July 14th...

Hot Rocker seeks Kinky Playmate - m4w - 26 (Downtown)

I am in town for tonight only and I'm looking to have some fun. 
Ideally you would be able to come to my hotel downtown tonight and are easy going. 
If you are a cute young girl or couple with a hot body and want to fool around get back to me with your picture and lets go from there 
I am 100% DD free so you be too. 
I am 5'10 with a 9" cock, blonde hair, blue eyes, and around 150lbs 
ya hoo at burning blade 98 (delete the spaces)

Hot Italian guy seeks sexy Mistress - m4w - 26 (Downtown)

I am a part italian, part german, part spanish and part french, so you know I took all the best traits from each of them :P My marriage is not what I would like it to be right now in the bedroom. My wife is not meeting my needs, and its leaving me stressed and irritable. I have blonde hair, cool blue eyes, and a 9" cock! If you like what you see, and want to hang out sometime and see what happens. get back to me soon M4mw M4w Burning blade 98 at ya hoo delete the space 

Looking for Adventure - m4w - 26 (Downtown)

If you are a cute young girl or couple with a hot body and want to fool around while I'm in town this week get back to me with your picture and lets go from there 
I am 5'10 with a 9" cock, blonde hair, blue eyes, and around 150lbs 
I am 26 years young, educated enough to have an intelligent conversation with, yet wild enough to toss you on the bed and fuck you silly. 
I am 100% DD free so you be too. ya hoo at burning blade 98 (delete the spaces) burning b1ade 98 on (a im) 

Posted July 13th...

Hot 9" Cock for Kinky Playmates - m4w - 26 (Downtown)

I'm in Toronto for 3 days and I would love to have some fun while in town. 
I am 5'10 150lbs with a very nice 9" uncut cock. 
I am 100% std free and don't use drugs. 
If you are a sexy girl or a hot couple and would like to have some fun with me in my hotel room tonight or tomorrow message me 
at ya hoo at burning blade 98 (delete the spaces) or a im at burning b1ade 98 and lets have some fun! 

Posted July 9th...

Looking for adventure... - m4w - 26 (Downtown)

I am bored with my current sexlife, and want to spice it up a bit. I am very open minded and always up for kinky ideas. I especially love playing in public! 

I will be up in Toronto on business tues-Thursday next week and would love to have some fun with a hot girl or sexy couple. 

I'm 5'10 9in uncut and 100%STD free. 
Message me in ya hoo at burning blade 98 or a im at burning b1ade 98 (delete the spaces) 

Posted... ok I'm bored.. this dude has 18 ads going all the way back to June 20, all basically saying the same thing, rotating through the same 3 cockshots... I guess if at first you don't succeed...

I want to splatter your face with cum - m4w 25yr

I have a huge load of cum boiling in my balls that I would hate to let go to waste. 

Isn't that painful? I mean.. boiling? If your body temperature is high enough that your semen is boiling then you should get yourself to the ER ASAP, not try and find a chick... and I mean... if you gave her a facial with boiling cum, you'd end up burning her too, yeah? So he's basically looking for a willing burn victim?

I would love to watch this huge load of jizz splatter all over a chicks pretty face. 

Well now, who wouldn't?  Is there really enough to splatter though? Do you need a drop cloth when giving girls facials?  

If there are any ladies out there who are in the mood for a nice facial cumbath please hit me up before I explode. 

This guy sounds kind of desperate eh?  He's going to explode?!  Guys... hear me out here... if you're at the point of feeling like you're going to explode, do you really post an ad on craigslist and spend all of the time trying to hook up with someone who's not a pro or a flake, or do you jerk one (or two) off to take the edge off... or, you know, anticipate that you're a generally horny man and start looking before you get this far gone?

We can meet up wherever and I can pop wad after wad of cum on to your face and then part ways. 

Your refractory period must be astonishingly low.  Or are you just trying to sell a premature ejaculation problem as a benefit?  It's all about marketing you know...

I am a chill, disease free straight guy who also happens to be a nasty pervert. I would love to make this happen tonight. 

I'm sorry dear, this does not make you a nasty pervert...

Wednesday Again...

So obviously bribes only go so far in generating comments, but that's ok!  I talk to myself plenty.

Probably too much actually...

It's probably best for my pocketbook that you all don't comment so much too...

So really, thanks everyone for staying silent!

I posted an ad on Craigslist this week looking for a photographer to take some photos for me... some good shots to put in my portfolio for adult work.  As would be expected, the first wave of responses were all from 'hobby' photographers (by which I mean, horny guys who have dug out their ancient point and shoot camera), but surprisingly I've got 4 serious responses that look like they might pan out.  Two of them are actual hobby photographers but are quite talented and looking to expand their personal portfolio and work on their skills, and 2 are actual professional photographers looking to expand their portfolios.  I've replied to all of them and will take photos with any/all of them that pan out... you can never have too many photos in different styles, etc.  

This means, of course, that my dear LD needs to get started on my website.  Once it is up and running I will be linking it here for all of you lovelies to gander at and give feedback.  The purpose of this site will be to entice the boys and girls in to purchasing my goods and services... either escorting or adult modelling/video.  This leads me to a couple of questions for you to start things going:

Do I post photos that show my face clearly?  This would be a bonus in getting video/modelling work, but of course risks revealing my secret identity to the world should my day job employer find my site.  That said, I do have porn floating around out there, and have just been informed by my old producer that they're re-editing everything to high-bandwidth and relaunching material, mine among it, and that my videos do still get quite a few hits.  So while my old stuff is somewhat 'buried' in the digital pile of naked bodies, it's certainly not obscure or hidden.  For those of you who'd like to go out and find me, check out Amateur Canada and look for Francis...  I think that was the name I was using at the time.

What sort of information should I post?  If you were going to hire an escort and/or adult entertainer, what info would you want other than contact info/price/physical measurements?  Anything? Do you not need any further information?

Where would you advertise? Should I shell out some cash to get some Google AdWords or something similar to give me a spike in hits to the site and get a good client base built up?  I've got the start of a profile going at Adult Staffing, but of course I need photos... does anyone know of any other similar sites or escorting sites I can post the link to my website on?

Any other thoughts or advice?

Walking Contradiction

Found on Craiglist last night...

HOME ALONE TODAY AND NEED A CLEAN, MATURE (NONE PRO) LADY TO TEACH THE ARE OF MAKING LOVE. 
OR JUST A GOOD POUNDING. 
YOU MUST BE DISCREET, VERY CLEAN, SANE AND RESPECTFUL. 
NOT LOOKING FOR SOMEONE WHO SLEEP AROUND. 
THIS COULD BE ONE TIME OR *ON GOING. 
I AM VERY CLEAN, MATURE, DISCREET AND ROMANTIC. 

soooo... he's looking for a woman on craigslist who doesn't sleep around, for a "one time" thing?  This man clearly has "looking for a virgin who act like a whore" syndrome.

However seems really confused about what he wants... to be taught how to make love? to pound away (what is he looking for, meat to tenderize)? Something ongoing? A one night stand?  Some of these combinations don't even make sense! What happens if he ends up with an ongoing thing with a lady wanting to each him the art of making love?  Is it a full semester course? A curriculum?  Though I would guess upon reading this ad that it would probably take more than one lesson... so that combination might actually work out well come to think of it...

plus that all caps thing IS really romantic...

Kinky Camping... Not My Thing

Because I'm just as important and famous in the Real World as I am online, I was given 2 free daypasses to my local communities kinky camping event.  This is a long-weekend (set up Thurs evening, leave Sunday) set up in the middle of nowhere on some private property where people can run around naked, having sex and flogging each other in the great outdoors.  There are workshops during the day, play parties at night, and a few vendors selling their wares.

LD and I drove down on Saturday to see what things are all about.

We'll skip over the part where getting LD out of bed is almost impossible... it finally took the ultimatum of "if You don't get out of bed now, we won't get to see any of the workshops and then we might as well just stay home".

Finally in the car only 15 minutes late, Sir's GPS informs us that the drive is an hour longer than we had estimated last night.  Taking a deep 'zen' breath, I just let things go and decided I was going to enjoy a day out with my Sir no matter what happened.

Good thing too.

3 hours (and some stop and go traffic) later, we arrived.  Wandering in to some of the in-progress workshops, we quickly realized that the '201 and 301' level workshops that were promised were definitely closer to 101 level... maybe slightly higher but not much.  It was apparent that these workshops were merely a way for the people who weren't sleeping until 3pm to stay occupied, and weren't *really* meant for education.  There were a lot of 'round table' discussions, or 'mutual admiration society meetings'...  Neither of us learned anything new at the workshops we stood in on.  It also appeared that many of the original presenters were... hungover? skipping out?  I think we only saw one workshop being hosted by the person advertised to be hosting.  

The highlights of the day included:

Walking around the entire day on the end of Sir's leash

Buying a wonderfully thuddy toy with which I'm certain LD can beat me as long and hard as he likes and I would not have to call a safeword

I think that kinky camping would be enjoyable if you *liked* camping and went with a group of friends for the social aspect...  I'm not sure I'd want to play too much, just because of the heat... and the workshops are definitely not worth it.

Saturday continued to be wonderful after we got home... I made dinner, got plastered on margaritas, and woke up the next morning feeling black and blue from pubic bone to tail bone.  Later found out that Sir had kicked me in the cunt 3 times while I was crawling on the floor, and we then did a session with the Very Large Buttplug (still can't get it in, still sore from our attempt).

Sunday ended up being a lovely day of staying in, lazing about and having sex... I sucked Sir for about 2 hours before we got out of bed, He fisted me again and just in general spent the day fucking and sucking.  

Overall a truly excellent weekend, though today I am sore and achy all over.

How was your weekend Dear Readers?

Oh Em Gee!

I have been so run off of my feet today Dear Readers, I'm so sorry I haven't posted.

I'm afraid that there won't be much substance today either, my brain is fried and all I want is a good long hard fuck and a massage...

and maybe a million dollars...

and a chocolate cake.

Wonderful Wednesday... a day late...

So I actually got some comments this week... squee!  This means of course that I should revive my bribe.. er... comment contest...

Through my purely scientific process of writing down names and crumpling up paper, this week's winner is...

Famous Amazing Guy

You've won a $25 Cara gift card... please email me at rubenesquebrunette@gmail.com with details on where I can mail you your prize :)

Remember Dear Readers... you get an entry for every comment you make, so comment early and comment often!

Another Illiterate Candidate

Let's play a game Dear Readers.... Take a look at this reply I received and see if you can spot the stupidity.  Do you all remember my latest craigslist ad?

 male 40 5'6 155 here, bicurious but willing to start with the oral and take it from there, no it will not take a year of wooing ! Not into pain or humiliation but willling to try other things quite open

...

... ...

..

This has got to be a joke, right?  We're looking for a fully bi submissive for hardcore edge play... the ad is very clear...  surely this guy is putting me on, right?

So I replied with a standard Thank you for the e-mail, but you're not what we're looking for.

Case closed, right?

..

HAH! You don't know me very well, do you? I wouldn't be posting about this poster-boy for illiteracy if that was it, yeah?

Shortly after my brush off, I received this reply

curious without being pushy, as to why I am not not what you are looking for ? Or better yet what are you looking for ?

I... I just... omg why do they NOT READ THE AD?!  THAT'S WHAT THE AD IS THERE FOR! TO TELL YOU WHAT I'M LOOKING FOR! 

I must have been drugged at the time, because I actually replied (ok, I was actually thinking "this will make a decent blog post")

Well, my add specifically stated that I was looking for someone who was fully bi (which you've said you're not), and in to pain and humiliation (which you've said you're not) among other things.

"Now, surely this will be the end of it", I thought... "He'll apologize and be on his way" ..

but no.  That would be too easy... that would preserve my sanity.  See what I do for you people in order to keep you entertained?

as for being fully bi, i would probably (99%) be okay with that in the second meet, as for pain and humiliation, what are you think of ?

Has he still not read the ad?  After I've referred back to it?  

My patience finally worn out, I made a final reply...

why don't you re-read the ad - we're looking for someone in to risky and edgy play.  We want to be able to degrade you and humiliate you, crop you, flog you, cane you, spank you, tie you up... violent scenes involving breathplay... use you as an object and hurt you until you cry.

 I haven't heard back from him so I suppose I've scared him off finally...  

Some Smut

Sorry for the tardy post Dear Readers, but I got a little... tied up...

To keep you entertained, here is the link for one of my favourite smut authors - Merri Oddities.  Just ignore that she writes fan fiction, and pretend that she's writing about people/characters you don't know... or don't if fanfic is your sort of thing ;)

Piss Whore

I have been really obsessed with piss lately Dear Readers - it's really been getting me off lately... Not sure why, 'cause it's never been a really super big kink of mine, but something about it is just doing it for me.

This weekend, LD and I were fucking, and I guess he was putting just the right amount of pressure on my bladder because I felt like I was about to burst.  He dragged me to the bathroom and stuck me in the bathtub and told me to piss myself.  Between performance anxiety and the sudden lack of pressure on my bladder (plus non-gravitationally-advantageous positioning) I barely managed to piss anything, but LD was most helpful and bathed me in his own from head to toe.  Even thinking about it now gets me hot.

Continuing with this sudden obsession was a dream that I had last night, that was so hot I woke up and had to jerk off afterwards.

Sir and I were at one of the many street festivals going on in the city...  soon after arriving, He takes me to the closest drug store and grabs a package of adult diapers.  While at the checkout, He asks the cashier if there's a washroom that can be used.  The cashier obviously thinks that He is asking for Himself and gives Him directions.  Sir picks up the package, hands them to me and informs me, in front of the cashier, that I heard where the washrooms were and to go and put one on.  Red faced, I do as He asks, barely managing to pull my short skirt down low enough that I'm not flashing the world my new diaper.

The rest of the package stowed in my shoulder bag, we wander the street festival.  Sir knows how easily I'm dehydrated and keeps plying me with liquids until I am absolutely ready to burst.  I ask if we can sit down for a minute.  Sir asks if I'm tired and why I want to sit down, and I inform him quietly that it's because I need to pee.  He pulls me in to a hug, surreptitiously grabbing my cunt through my diaper and speaks directly in to my ear "if you need to pee, you can do so standing right here in this crowd of strangers"  He starts massaging my cunt and I start to pee a little.  I ask if I may cum "only if you're quiet, piggy"

I orgasm while pissing myself; standing in a crowd of strangers.  

Now wet and soggy, Sir makes me continue to walk around in a wet diaper until we find washroom facilities where I can change.  I am informed that I will be diapered the entire weekend, and that He has big plans for me.  We continue enjoying the festival - I have to piss myself once more and Sir makes me travel home in the wet diaper.

At home and changed in to a clean diaper once more, Sir informs me that we will be going out for dinner the next evening.  Fast forward (as dreams are only capable of doing) and we are sitting in a *very* nice restaurant.  I don't recognize it as being something that actually exists, it's just a generic "fancy" restaurant.  I am sitting across from Sir all dressed up, including a diaper.  Prior to going for dinner, Sir had made me drink a litre of water, and has ordered me not to pee until He's ordered me to.  Dinner is a long, drawn out affair with multiple courses, wine, and lots of water.  I'm fidgeting and feeling like I'm about to burst.  Sir seems to be enjoying the show, and reminds me quietly that I am absolutely not allowed to pee until He says so.

Partway through the main course, He tells me that I may pee, but only enough that I do not feel painful urgency - I should still feel uncomfortable though.  Only peeing a little bit when you *really* have to go is one of the most difficult things in the world, and leaves you feeling even more uncomfortable than if you'd just held it.  Sir can see that on my face and chuckles at my expression, then offers me another glass of water. During dessert He allows me to pee a little bit more, and plys me with more liquids.

After dinner, me feeling very soggy, Sir takes me home.  While I am kneeling with my forehead pressed to the floor, I can hear Sir moving around the apartment and making preparations.  Finally, he comes and gets me, brings me in to the bedroom and lays me down on the bed... which I notice is decked out in a plastic drop cloth.  Sir grabs the lube and before I know it, His cock is in my ass.  At this point I urgently need to pee, and I wait for the thrusting to begin.  However.. it doesn't... instead, I feel this intense warmth... He is pissing in my ass, emptying His own *very full* bladder.  He looks at me as He finishes and says "I'm pulling out, and I don't want you to spill a drop".  I nod my assent.  Pulling out, He replaces His cock with our very large buttplug.  Ass full of piss, bladder full of piss, Sir then starts fucking me in earnest, pounding in and out of my cunt, making me moan with the need to piss.  After what seems like an eternity of fucking, Sir cums inside of me.  He pulls out and tells me that He's going to remove the buttplug, but I still musn't spill any.  Lying on my back with my legs over my head, He pulls out the buttplug.  He spends some time touching and caressing me, and then tells me that I  may empty myself.  Looking at Him in humiliation, I let myself go - piss pouring out of my ass and bladder, running down my body and soaking me in our mixed fluids (and yes, I realize that in real life a piss enema wouldn't be nearly as clean as it was in my dream, though I suppose if I'd been given a regular enema before hand...).  Finally, after what seems like forever, I'm empty and lying in a puddle of piss.  Sir smiles and leaves.  

At this point I woke up extremely hot and horny... I can only assume that there was cleaning up and whatnot afterwards, but regardless I am incredibly turned on by this "new" fetish of mine... I hope You took notes Sir!

Ten Reasons...

not to be poly...

1) You have to look at the anguish in your secondary partner's eyes when he discusses how you can never be His primary partner

2) Each of your partners may get alternating weeks of alone time, but you are never 'single'

3) You have twice as many people to please

4) You have to juggle 3 schedules

5) You have to work through the jealousy of your secondary wanting to find a 'primary' to present to the rest of the world as His girlfriend because there's always the possibility of my primary relationship becoming known

6) You have to work through the guilt of even momentarily wanting to deny your secondary a primary partner

7) You live in constant fear of your two partners talking and collaborating to find new and terrifying ways to molest and torture you (wait.. is this on the right list?)

8) You risk the judgement of others, and strange looks from who can not grasp the idea that the heart is capable of loving more than one person romantically at the same time

9) Twice the partners, twice the opportunity for heartbreak and misunderstanding

10) You can never keep both of their photos on your desk at work without all sorts of questions you can't answer.

An Ode to LD

I figure fair is fair... I mean, I'm MARRIED to DH, but I CHOOSE to be with LD, because...

... He puts me in my place in the most delicious ways

... He takes such excellent care of me

... He's endearingly funny when He's talking in His sleep

... He's got this pair of jeans that make my mouth water

... He plays my body like the musician He is, and makes me sing

... He's a musician ;)

... When he goes in to teacher mode, He gets me all hot and bothered, AND I end up learning something new

... He puts up with my idiosyncrasies with fond exasperation

... I make Him laugh... though I often think He's laughing AT me...

... I know that I can trust Him with my very life

... He's one of those helpless men that I seem to attract (I'm still not sure how He survived before I came in to His life)

... The sex is phenomenal

... He takes my breath away

... He is my Sir and Master 

A Very Special Favour

Hi Everyone!

I was hoping that maybe y'all could do me a really big favour... I don't THINK it's too much to ask... I mean, I know that I haven't known some of you for very long.. but others.. we go way back, yeah?

See the 7 million icons along the right side of my blog?  Those are all to refer the site to different social networking pages.

Could y'all start clicking on them?  If you recommend my page to some place like stumbled upon or digg, it really increases my exposure, and we all know how much I enjoy being exposed!

It seriously helps me get new readers, and you have no idea how excited I get when I find out that people I DON'T ACTUALLY KNOW IN PERSON are reading the blog.

I think that I may have had a very small orgasm the other day when a *stranger* commented...

When I am internet famous, I will be sure to look kindly upon you all and credit you for helping to spread the word of RB.

Amen.

10 Things...

... that are stressing me out

1. DH and I may need to sell our house because it's making me sick (see previous posts about migraines)... I see my neurologist tonight for one last brainstorming session for other causes
2. Another one of my medical conditions, mostly dormant for the last 3 years, has come back in full force, adding a new level of hell to my daily life
3. My health is a lot like dominos... when one thing flares up it often puts enough stress on my body for other things to flare up... which have.
4. Because of this, I've taken quite a few sick days recently.  My boss has insinuated that I haven't actually been sick and have just been avoiding him because of a critical comment he made.  He has now taken away my accommodations and I have to have a very unpleasant conversation with him about all of this
5. In an effort to try and be the "voice of reason", LD decided to point out my boss' side of things, very much sounding like he was defending my boss.  This is/was greatly upsetting
6. I have 2 outstanding traffic tickets I need to deal with - I'm currently waiting for court dates and trying to decide if $600 to have someone fight both of them is worth it
7. money, Money, MONEY... where is it?
8. Where the hell are the non-creepy bisexual submissive men?  Would we have better luck trying to bed a unicorn?
9. I am still living with DH in an effort to continue to give LD some time to himself.  My head hurts.  I'm nauseous.  Maybe I can make it down to 165 and get my hair extensions.
10. Both of my boys feel frustrated and powerless to make me feel any better

One of the conditions that is starting to give me some minor trouble (minor being relative) requires me to use a cane.  This is the first time I've had to use my cane at this job and I'm torn over inquiries about it.

I hate talking about my conditions - it's no ones business at work what's wrong with me, so on the one hand, I appreciate the people who haven't said a word and act as if nothing is unusual.  On the other hand -what the hell? Do they not care?  If I saw a coworker *relatively* fine one day and shuffling along with a cane the next, I'd inquire about how they're feeling at the very least.

The people who do ask - Are they asking because they're genuinely concerned about how I'm doing, or are they just nosy?  Looking for gossip?  How long before they go to my boss and he spills the beans despite me telling him my disclosure is confidential... he certainly hasn't held back with other details about my health (our entire sales force knows that my house is making me sick).