The Swinger's Party: Part III

After everyone had had enough time to 'get to know each other'... I suppose to make them feel less like they'd be fucking strangers...  SwingerWoman suggested we all adjourn to the play room.

Now, don't ask me what they do with this room when they have family over - it's a bedroom that's got a king and twin bed pushed together, and a rack of baskets for people's clothing, and a huge TV and that's about it.  LD and I were the first ones undressed so we got on to the bed with SwingerWoman and that's when the 'fun' started... my memories are jumbled and non-linear, not to mention I wasn't wearing my glasses, but let me just relate a few of the more memorable moments of our 'wild orgy'...

During

• Being proven right that SwingerWoman likes to talk the talk but isn't actually bi - I couldn't get any further than some light petting...
• Alternative Girl being exceedingly fascinated with my Christina piercing
• Watching Porn 'Stache and Asian Lady only fuck each other, and wondering what the hell they're doing at a swingers party, after SwingerMan and SwingerWoman specifically commented about people like that during our screening (remember, these are people who had been invited back).
• Kissing Alternative Guy and finding out that he's not a very good kisser.
• Having Alternative Guy go down on me and fearing that his tongue stud would get caught in my VCH ring.  It didn't, but between my two piercings, his tongue ring, and his ineptitude, there was an awful lot of metal down there and wasn't very fulfilling.
• Alternative girl and guy taking turns going down on me... she was marginally better.
• Alternative girl hurting her shoulder while being fucked on the floor by Geeky
• Faking 2 (or was it 3?) orgasms with Alternative Guy and wondering if he was ever going to fuck me, or just camp out between my legs all night.  Resist from asking him if he's planning on doing anything interesting down there.
• Looking around and realizing that NO ONE was fucking... maybe 4 or 5 people fucked the entire time, the rest was all petting and oral.
• Erik the Viking camping out on Perky Tits and sending her to rapturous joy repeatedly with his (apparently) astounding oral skills (can you blame him? the guys got to compensate somehow)
• Erik the Viking's Wench making a comment about wanting a turn with Perky Tits, and then SHE camped out eating her out.
• Erik the Viking moving on to SwingerWoman, eating her out for forever, climbing on top of her and reaching his 'edge' in about 15 seconds. In retrospect I wonder how he managed a condom (yes, when flaccid it COMPLETELY DISAPPEARED)
• SwingerMan being the first to start fucking - fucking Alternative Girl who is apparently the one who wanted the DP (which did not happen, as I predicted), and then finding out afterwards that the two women that SwingerMan fucked, he did without condoms.
• Laying on the bed, watching the fuzzy room full of flesh, when Boris comes over and starts eating me out (what is it with this party and oral?!)... finally he fucks me and I spend the time biting my tongue so as not to tell him to put his back in to it.  Fake 2 more orgasms with him.
• Watching Alternative Girl give bad sloppy oral to LD
• Watching all of the men be *very* *very* careful not to accidentally touch

Afterwards

• Erik the Viking giving me the once over and expressing regret that he "never got over" to me
• Multiple oohs and aahs over my tattoo.  Have to fudge it when I start talking about my next tattoo (a similar piece but with a kinky theme) saying that I "wasn't sure of a design yet"
• The entire time, trying not to reveal that LD wasn't my husband/primary through comments referring to DH (for example, talking about some movie, LD expressed no knowledge of it, and I almost blurted out "oh hey, we own that - I'll bring it over some time")
• All of the women, save myself, getting dressed immediately in either a robe/towel of their clothing before joining the group in the living room.  The men remain naked.  Uh guys - we were ALL JUST TOUCHING IN THE OTHER ROOM.  WE'VE ALL SEEN WHAT YOU HAVE TO OFFER.

All in all, this was the most boring group sex that I'd ever had - the party was done by 11, and the 'sex' in total only lasted a little over an hour I guess (by my rough time estimates... I could be wrong).  

LD and I spent the entire commute home (did I mention that this party was in SCARBOROUGH?) talking about what a waste of an evening that had been.  Seriously, I take my assessment of Swingers being cookies and cream back... they're just as vanilla as the vanillas... maybe with a tiny bit of caramel swirl or something...  but still pretty damn vanilla...

and now I want ice cream again.

Damn.