You are feeling sleepy...

Back when I was a wee young pervert, and the Internet was in its infancy - before my parents clued in that they should be watching what I was doing - I stumbled across my first porn.  This wasn't porn in the heteronormative male-centric visual cornucopia of tits and cunts sense, but a website of erotic stories... some of it fan fiction, 99% of it not.  What caught my interest about this website though was its central theme.  Mind Control.  These stories all focused on hypnotism and other forms of mind control, though the majority of them also included other aspects of BDSM.  This was, I suppose, my first exposure to pornography outside of the chat rooms that I had previously been haunting, practicing my flirtation and seduction skills.  Needless to say, I was hooked.  At that time, my thoughts tended to identify most with the submissives in the stories.  This was the ultimate submission! You've given up *ALL* control!  With a single command, your own body can betray you, compulsion leading you to all sorts of debauchery.  What could be hotter?!

Well, my parents eventually realized that they should be monitoring my Internet usage, and my time sitting in front of the computer reading smut came to an end (for a few years anyways).  They probably would have been better off letting me rub one out to the dirty stories online as opposed to where my life led me next, but that's not a story I'll be telling here.  The new and wonderful things that I learned online though stuck with me.  I knew right away that I identified as kinky (yes, at the tender age of... 11) and through the years the idea of mind control has stayed with me, as my secret little fantasy.  Wanting to be completely controlled, and as I grew in to my Dominant side, wanting to control.  I still go back to that website from time to time to immerse myself in the smut there.

I finally decided to do something about this fantasy recently. 

I found someone online who does hypnotism erotically (we shall call him ER) and we started chatting.  We get along fairly well and he's agreed to teach me how to hypnotise, as well as to put me under and implant some post-hypnotic triggers.  I've always wanted to have some trigger words implanted to make me cum on command... it's always seemed to be a ... useful... compulsion.  So, we made plans for Saturday after I had my piercings done.

This was possibly not the best time to have done this, in that I was unable to touch myself... as of right now, my trigger words make me aroused, but no orgasm. (I have 2 trigger words, one to orgasm silently, the other a more generic trigger that will allow LD to specify conditions surrounding the orgasm).  This isn't much of a surprise, because my brain is a very interesting place.  I go under quite easily and quite deeply, but part of me is unable to completely let go of my critical thinking faculties and some commands work better than others.  Pair that with the fact that my first orgasm of a session is usually very difficult to obtain, and it's not a surprise that he was unable to make me orgasm through suggestion.  I suspect that it will take some work with joint physical and mental reinforcement before it will be completely successful.  I'm sure that LD is looking forward to the day that he can whisper a trigger word in my ear while we are in public, and watch the struggle on my face as I try not to give myself away.

My memories of my time under are sketchy - it's like trying to remember a dream... indistinct and fuzzy... I remember that being under felt quite similar to subspace - I was floaty but lucid.  I never once felt unable to do anything - for example when I was given the suggestion that my arm was frozen in place and I was unable to move it... I didn't actually feel as though I couldn't move my arm, just "why would I want to move it?".  Some post-hypnotic suggestions worked better than others, but I recall being quite agreeable and suggestible while under.  It was an incredible experience and I can see how it could quickly become addictive (both being under, and putting people under). 

While I *really* enjoy being put under and I look forward to having these trigger words firmly implanted, I'm also looking forward to learning these skills... it's difficult to get a sense of what to do when you're under, because your memory is so spotty afterwards.  I suspect that I will have to find a victim...er... volunteer...  to eventually come with me when I meet ER so that he can demonstrate and I can practice... I promise not to do anything too evil while you're under...