The Business of Pretty...

So far as I embark on this journey I have very few rules... this is good - it gives me a chance to get back in to the swing of things without being overwhelmed and going in to Domme mode :)  Of these rules, the one that everyone seems to think I will have the most trouble with is the orgasm control. 

One friend even went so far as to say "so how long until you rebel? I know how much you like your orgasms."  The truth is, the rule that I am so far struggling the most with isn't that one, it's the makeup rule.  Because I must be made up whenever in his presence, and at the moment there's a certain amount of uncertainty/spontaneity in when we meet, I am trying to get in to the habit of wearing makeup every day.  Otherwise I know that I will forget.  Let me just say though...

I hate makeup.

I hate it because I dislike how it feels.  Even the lightest mineral powder makeup feels heavy and confining and I feel trapped in my own body. I am suddenly not able to rub my eyes for fear of smudging my eyeliner or mascara... must check that my lipstick hasn't faded or been transferred to the bottle of water I'm drinking... is my foundation staying on? am I shiny? is everything in place? 

As I put on my lipstick this morning, I looked in the mirror and thought to myself "I look like a clown".  For the record, I am wearing pale grey eyeshadow with green eyeliner, mineral powder foundation and some "wild berry" lipstick.  All in all fairly understated (I checked with a coworker) - however all the same, I feel like I'm wearing a mask. 

I hate it because it's time consuming.  I will have to wake up at least 15 minutes earlier every morning to make sure I get everything done in the morning.  I hate that I have to be so much more careful, because I'm already prone to breakouts and it can quickly become a vicious circle of "I have acne so I need more foundation / All of this extra foundation is causing acne."  I hate that it starts a snowball effect... if I'm all made up than I HAVE to straighten my hair because it looks so much worse in comparison, and now if I'm wearing makeup and my hair is straightened, I definitely have to dress up for work - no comfy khakis and sweaters...

I hate it because of the societal pressure that I should be wearing it.  Yesterday was my first day getting in to the habit.  I received 3 compliments from people trying to guess what I'd done differently.  I hate that all of a sudden now that I'm all made up, I'm suddenly "pretty" or worthy of notice and compliments. As a teen, I went through that initial stage of discovery and quickly decided that it was a pain in the ass and not worth my effort.  If boys (or girls) didn't find me attractive without makeup, that they weren't worth my time... a philosophy that I still hold pretty close.  Perhaps I just had more self-confidence than other girls? 

My sister, who is the antithesis of myself - tall where I'm short, skinny where I'm rubenesque, blond where I'm brunette...  got heavily in to makeup and has become one of those girls who can't be seen without it.  She will spend half an hour putting on makeup just to run out to the store to grab milk.  As envious as I am at her makeup skills, I will never become one of those girls.  A little part of me though, hates that I'm not one of those girls... that I don't have the skills. My concession to my sister on my wedding day was that I would wear makeup and let her do it.  Never in a million years could I achieve the same effects as her, and I certainly do not denigrate the skill that is required to tastefully apply makeup.  It's just not a skill that I have any desire to posses.

I hate that the beauty industry makes so much money off of such a disposable product.  I was at Sephora last night, picking up refills for my negligible supply of beauty products (If I am to do something, I will do it *right*) and nearly wept at the prices...  I purchased the few basics that I knew should be *good quality* and headed over to Shoppers for the rest.  Silly me for thinking that Shoppers makeup would be less expensive.  All of these supplies will be used up, each application disposed of at the end of the day with no tangible result. 

It has only been 2 days that I have been trying to get in to the habit of being made up every day, and I am already struggling with it.  Does a little part of my enjoy being made up and "looking pretty" ... I suppose so... but the feminist in me has her thoroughly gagged and locked in a closet.  Makeup is a "special occasion" thing, not an every day thing. It's just not who I am.

However...

Each time I touch up my lipstick...  Every time I go to rub my eyes and have to stop... Every time I receive a "have you done something different to your hair? You look really pretty today"... I think of him.

When I "put on my face" in the morning and it feels heavy and confining, it reminds me that it is him who is really confining me... and while I struggle against the shackles, metaphorically, I inevitably give in.

Looking in the mirror and seeing the face looking back at me, (which hardly looks like me!), I see myself through his eyes and revel at knowing that he is pleased with my actions... knowing that enjoys how I look made up...  and will enjoy how I look after he's messed up my makeup even more...

So yes, while I am slowly going insane from not having cum since Sunday night, THIS is my biggest struggle thus far...