Contestant #3

Confession time Dear Readers:  I can get annoyed easily.  Especially when someone is abusing one of my pet peeves.

Such as "l337' speak or SMS shorthand or whatever the hell the kids are calling it these days (aside: "GET OFF OF MY LAWN!")

Take, for example this candidate:

hey  im very interested in ur ad! im basically a tall 19 yr old guy who wud love to get together wit u and play on the edge!...i have some experiece and am very openminded, and i really badly wanna do ALL the things that u like, such as humiliation pain bondage etc... i wud love to do any ANYTHING u like just for ur pleasure (no waiting or wrry of pushin boundaries for me, i am up for anythin u wanna do anytime!)

 plz consider me,  hope to hear back soon! 
ps. i kno u prob got like a million replies but im very real and very serious and hope to hear back from u!

This e-mail causes me physical pain to read.  Seriously... here's a tip boys:  If you're trying to impress someone, type out full words and try to make yourself look like you've got a higher IQ than a slug.

I replied with my standard "you're not what we're looking for, best of luck" e-mail and got another barely worded reply

aw really? is it cuz of my pic??? i promise u wont regret me tho im soo sub n openminded, wud love to try anything! plz consider me:)

So at this point I decided I was going to be the benevolent teacher and let him know exactly what the problem was.  

It's actually because I dislike the lack of care and attention you've put in to your emails with your dismal short hand. First impressions count for a lot. If you can't be bothered to take the time to type out
full words, where else will you take short cuts?  Something to think about when you reply to other ads.

His reply?

Hey again I'm sorry that's just how I was used to typing because that's how I see everyone do it, if I knew that it showed lack of care I would have typed better like I am now...trust me I really would have taken the extra time to do so!
But as for taking short cuts I can promise you that I do not take any when it comes to serving you as your most loyal slave!
 
Hope to hear back from you again!
Ps. I know you probably got a lot of replies to your ad, did you already find someone else to be your sub? 

I suppose I should give him points for persistence in his post script.  But seriously... "If I knew it showed lack of care"?!  Has the world really gotten to the point where being too lazy to type out the word "you" isn't an indication of lack of care?  Would you really type like this in a cover letter or on your resume?  Isn't finding a partner (especially one with a D/s dynamic) a little like a job interview anyways?  Don't you want to impress someone with your first contact?

kids these days...