More Lessons Learned

Three things I learned this weekend that I DIDN'T know...

1. I am capable of holding a full bladder and enema, while being fucked, and orgasming, without spilling a single drop

2. The muscle movements required for an orgasm are diametrically opposed to the muscle action required to hold in a vast quantity of liquid in ones bowels and bladder

3. Conflicting muscle movements make for unsatisfactory orgasms

Lessons Learned

Five things that I *knew* but apparently had to *relearn* over the weekend:

1. Enemas, while pleasant and enjoyable and erotic while going in, is like the worst case of the shits coming out... over the course of the next 24 hours (note, this is especially true if while holding said enema, someone is fucking you vigorously, forcing the liquid higher up than it might go otherwise)

2. Ciabatta Baguette and Butter is one of the few foods that SOUNDS appetizing when I have no appetite and am feeling waves of nausea

3. Ciabatta Baguette and Butter is one of the WORST foods I can eat - it only makes me feel violently nauseous and weak, just like all other food.  IT IS NOT AN EXCEPTION!

4. Pleading with LD to abstain from enema play while the rest of my GI tract is rebelling, is only incentive for Him to decide all the more to do so - He likes it when I'm weak and subservient from feeling ill

5. I do not do my best cooking while feeling ill, and should not attempt 'complicated' meals when I have spent most of the day sleeping due to said illness.

Apparently this is ok...

but my "mentor for sex" ad is not...

BEAUTIFUL WOMEN looking for friendship for allowance (no sex) - w4m

from craigslist | miscellaneous romance in toronto

Looking to do fun activities, travel, and have fun in exchange for allowance. Ask for my photos

If you can't say it...

... you probably shouldn't be doing it... and since when is "down" a word that should be censored?!

Seeking fun, org*smic female who LUVS receiving Or*l ;) - m4w (Dowtown Toronto)

from craigslist | miscellaneous romance in toronto

Fun easy to talk to guy here with varied interests. But really, what I enjoy doing most and have been complimented on the most, is going d*wn on a woman. I enjoy that more than anything in the world. More than traveling which I love. More than dining out which I also love. I really like cuddling too by the way. Anyway, if you're serious, clean and disease free, give me a shout and we'll see what happens. We'll exchange emails and pics and meet at a bar first and take it from there. Bonus points if you're multi-orgasmic as I have lots of stamina. And you can even be greedy and not return the favour if you'd like. Lol ;) Hope to hear from you soon!

Hi Wednesday

So I got laid off yesterday my dear friends... while this means in the long run that I will have more time to devote to coming up with amusing anecdotes for you all, today I am justifiable distracted.  So here's a confusing craigslist ad:

 First time Guy Want female SEX 16 -50 yrs Any race (Toronto & near)

from craigslist | miscellaneous romance in toronto

Prefer Asian - Other type females welcome (Any age or colour) Am Easygoing friendly, polite guy. I`m white Canadian , I have pic I can`t wait to experience exciting thrills (IN & Out) "FUCK Fuck Fuck and lot`s MORE *SEX* *Together Alright ** I love tits * Want to make your Vagina throb:" with pleasure - You can Have my COCK It want you to Play OK Message me ~ I will check Mail every 3 hours ------ To Reply to you I can give you my PHONE NUMBER# We will chose where to go Place * I have apartment I can cum to your place We will Talk about it with you OK Your girl friends welcome Sextime I like Girfriend

Some Self-Pity

Warning: Non-Sexual conversation involving vomit up ahead

Oh Woe Is Me.

I have reached a point where I am going in to talk to my Pharmacist today about dietary supplements... the only food I'm able to eat without being violently nauseous are rice cakes.  Rice cakes are tasty.  They are not nutritionally diverse.  

That said, I do take Iron, B12 and Vitamin C supplements, plus a regular multi-vitamin.  The thought of ensure makes me want to puke.  The thought of 'protein shakes' makes me want to puke even more violently.  I tried eating some scrambled eggs (which I'd secretly fortified with cheese) and some ham and bread yesterday.  I then spent the next two hours lying in bed trying to fall asleep despite the feeling that I'd have to make a mad dash to the bathroom at any minute.

The bread was ok... I had another piece or two later on that afternoon.  So I lied earlier, I'm subsisting on bread and rice cakes.  Bananas and Applesauce are also supposed to be easy to digest, but I hate applesauce and the thought of bananas right now makes me want to gag.

Fun Fact:  I rarely actually vomit.  I feel overwhelmingly nauseous to the point of breaking out in perspiration and hovering near the door of the bathroom, but I never puke.  Sometimes I wonder if I should learn to embrace sticking my fingers down my throat.  Not sure if that would make me feel better or worse.

The golden lining to this is that when I weigh myself tonight I bet you a million dollars that I've continued to lose weight, and that by the time this migraine issue is resolved I will have hit my goal weight. So.. ummm.... yay for weight loss!

I really gotta get some better marketing copy for this diet... I'm not gonna sell it with what I just wrote.

Creep Alert

I know I said I was taking today off, but I couldn't resist sharing this with you... it just got my spidy senses tingling...

My little girl where are you?? - m4w (GTA)

Daddy is looking for his special little girl and so far has not found her.
You should be bewtween 5' to 5' 8" thin build petite body weight around
140 pds max and have small tits and be ready to grow with Daddy.

This is not for everyone however if I find you then it will
be your growth and developement that will prosper together
while we explore our roles in this lifestyle.

Daddy is waiting for you.