Almost makes you wish fondly for the angst filled days of bad one night stands, eh? Too bad sex with LD is so good, otherwise I'd have more stories for you ;) maybe I'll try to be more diligent in posting some of our hotter scenes...
Lately I've been thinking a lot of commitment, and collars, and emotions. In the past couple of weeks the 'L' word has shown its head and thrown me in to an existential whirlwind. How do you know that it's love? Can one develop love that quickly? LD and I have been dating for 4 months... mind you we've spent quite a bit of time together (most of the weekends, plus one evening a week) and we chat almost every day... I don't remember how long DH and I were dating before we said we loved one another... it was within the first year... and the weather was still warm so I'm guessing within the first 6 months, but I don't remember exactly... I certainly have been missing Him the same way I miss DH when he's gone...
But at the same time, I still put in that effort to appear 'perfect' when I spend time with Him... I don't bring my nightguard when I spend the night... I despair about my complexion and how hairy I am and whether my hair looks good... is that how you define love? When you no longer try to hide the 'unsexy' parts of you? Laying yourself bare for them to see and saying "I am as far from perfect as a person can get. Love me, not the illusion I wear every day"
This brings me to the question of commitment... collars and fluid bonding and all that... How well do I feel I have to know Him to take that plunge? I'm sure that there are deep dark secrets that I don't know (and likewise I'm sure there's stuff He doesn't know about me). Despite our rocky start, I'd say that there's a lot of trust that's developed... I have His keys while He's gone, I've been helping Him with His personal filing and have access to all sorts of personal information (not that I've looked). But how much better do I have to know Him? I suppose it depends on our definition of 'collaring' ... Complete and total ownership... 24/7 (or as close as it can get) utter, absolute ownership to me is akin to marriage... it's a very serious commitment which I know that I am not ready for. It took 5 years for DH and I to get married! (though we knew were were going to get married long before that... it was at LEAST a year though, maybe 2)... a lesser level of collaring/ownership? I might be prepared to make that vow... I suppose this requires some in depth discussion between LD and I as to what we both are looking for and what we expect. As for fluid bonding, due to some medical issues that's off the table until August... that is *definitely* something I'm looking forward to.
I don't know that this rambling has really helped me sort out my thoughts or come to any great conclusions... I do know that the thought of not having LD in my life is painful though, so maybe that's indication enough?
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