*Puts on her Hard Hat*

For those of you who read me on your RSS feed (or get my posts delivered right to your inbox), check out the following:

1) Remember when I said that BR is back? He's been a regular commenter on the blog since then and I highly encourage you to read through my latest posts and their comments!

2) I've done some updates to the design of the blog - I'd love your input on what works for you and what doesn't.

3) Along with updating the design, I've gone back and updated all of my tags, so all posts should be tagged. If you're looking for a specific post, scroll down to the bottom of the page to the tag cloud to see if that helps. As well, if any posts seem to be missing tags, are miss-tagged, or need additional tags, please let me know!

Now go back to enjoying your long weekend - I'll see you all back here Tuesday.

Sorry Folkes

All joking aside, my head has really been bothering me this week and it's turning me in to a space cadet.  Sorry for missing most of this week, I'll try to do better starting Monday.

I know you'll forgive me though, I give the best head ;)

A Very Special Favour

Hi Everyone!

I was hoping that maybe y'all could do me a really big favour... I don't THINK it's too much to ask... I mean, I know that I haven't known some of you for very long.. but others.. we go way back, yeah?

See the 7 million icons along the right side of my blog?  Those are all to refer the site to different social networking pages.

Could y'all start clicking on them?  If you recommend my page to some place like stumbled upon or digg, it really increases my exposure, and we all know how much I enjoy being exposed!

It seriously helps me get new readers, and you have no idea how excited I get when I find out that people I DON'T ACTUALLY KNOW IN PERSON are reading the blog.

I think that I may have had a very small orgasm the other day when a *stranger* commented...

When I am internet famous, I will be sure to look kindly upon you all and credit you for helping to spread the word of RB.

Amen.

An Apology

I'm sorry Dear Readers, for abandoning you all yesterday.  The SS Le Dom hit some rough waters and I was preoccupied for most of the day.  Never fear though, I believe that the storm is over and we're on our way to smooth sailing (except for the punishment looming over my head that's scheduled for tomorrow evening... the anticipation is going to punish me more than the actual punishment).

So let's get on with a little housekeeping (funny, that's what sparked the turbulence with LD)..

First of all - Stacky is our lucky winner of my Wednesday Windfall and has won a batch of cookies - any type... just let me know when you want them hon!  Remember, all you have to do is comment on a post to be entered in to the draw!

Next on our agenda, is this gift card that's been set aside for Rubenesque Brunette's Big Bad Boost Readership Contest (tm) ... I've had no entries and the contest closes next Monday.  Gimme some feedback here DR - why haven't you entered?  Is it the content? Was the contest too difficult?  Do you all hate Swiss Chalet that much? (or Kelseys, or Montanas, or Milestones, etc, etc)?  I cry bitter tears every night that there are no contest entries, and while this is satisfying LDs thirst for my misery, it's doing nothing to bring me the internet fame and fortune that I so crave... help me out here people!

June 1st I will be launching another contest (because I've obviously had so much success with contests in the past) so make sure you stay tuned!  This one will be much easier to enter, and doesn't require exposing your secret shame at reading my blog.

Finally, my search for a boytoy continues to thwart me at every turn.  Tuesday evening we were supposed to meet a very promising boy, who then cancelled that afternoon claiming he had to work.  Totally plausible, so we'll give him another chance... it's just very frustrating and my Domina side is screaming in rage filled frustration at being locked up for so long (hmm.. another contributing factor to yesterday's woes?)... We DO have a date on the 5th with a boy that we met a little while ago, and heaven help him... he's in for a wild ride.

Rubenesque Brunette's Big Bad Boost Readership Contest (tm)

So I was on my hands and knees, being filmed while sucking off a dolphin shaped dildo while holding an enema and being pissed on when I had the thought "How can I boost my readership to the blog? What inventive way can I attract more readers? This has to be something that no blogger has ever done before, something new and innovative..." As the group of men completed the money-shot and the director yelled 'cut', it came to me "hold a contest RB!"

So that's exactly what I'm doing.

Now, because this blog isn't exactly making me any money (in fact, the legal fees for keeping this blog going eat in the vast advertising profits at an astounding rate), the grand prize isn't as mind-blowing as I'd like... but it's a little mind blowing.

It's a $25 Rubenesque Brunette gift card for Cara Foods.

Take your significant other out for a drink and laugh at your good fortune for not having experiences like the ones I write about...

Or go alone and drown your sorrows that you could start a competing blog...

Or take a date and impress her/him with your sexy RB gift card...

Rules for entry are super simple:

1) Spread the love to everyone you know!

2) Have them read a random post, and then comment on THIS post with a fact from the post they read, and who sent 'em, for example:

NaughtyElephant says: "StudMuffin23 sent me and I loved the post where you had the threesome with the two guys who were more interested in each other than in you!"

3) The person who refers the most new readers wins!

Contest runs until May 30th. This gives you 3 weeks to drum up as many readers as possible, and for my custom gift card to arrive.

If this is successful, would you like to see other contests Dear Readers?

(also, for those of you with good eyesight, you'll notice the URL on the gift card... anyone willing/able to help me set that sucker up?)

A Contest? How new and exciting!

I think that I might be the first blogger to ever think of this... as a Digital Native, I love being on the cutting edge frontier of Web 2.0 and all that crazy shit...

Stay tuned on Monday for my big "Boost RBs Readership Contest" Announcement (tm)!

A New Resolution

So I realize that I'm late for every "new year" I could possibly imagine, including fiscal years and weird religious calendars...  but I've decided to make a resolution anyways.  It's never too late to turn over a new leaf!

I'm going to post to this blog every day, even if it kills me.

That said, Let's make up for my hiatus with all sorts of news that most of you probably already know!

Meet Alastair Jeurgen Horace Ross

As most of you know, a year ago (on our wedding anniversary actually) DH and I moved in to our first house.  Proud homeowners and all that sentimental stuff.  Approximately 3 weeks after moving in, I developed a migraine.  The migraine from hell.  The most persistent migraine I've ever experienced. I was on an ever changing cocktail of narcotics in an effort to control the pain and in the meantime, we also started renovations.  Have you ever had a gas line installed (which requires drilling all the way to the outside of the house) while you're in so much pain you're nauseous?  I highly recommend it to the masochists out there.

Try some Neurotoxin!

I digress.  This migraine did not go away... I was missing work, vanished from my social circle, and generally was in no shape to do much of anything but sleep.  Finally in... September? (yes, that's right, 4 months of migraine later) my doctor suggested I try Botox... the newest and greatest treatment for migraines, but also sort of a 'last resort' treatment.  I met my new neurologist, he poked my scalp/neck/face 42 times with a neurotoxin and about a week later... the pain faded.  It didn't go away entirely, but it was enough to get me back to acting more human.  Sadly, I metabolize drugs much quicker than most people, so the treatment that was supposed to work for 3 months, only worked for 2.  Back to the neuro I go...  did I mention that Botox is very expensive?  no?  Did I mention that because it's an "off label" use, it's not covered by insurance?  no?  Did I mention that I was missing a lot of work at the time? This was a somewhat stressful period of time.  

Because of the way that the Botox works, you have to wait for it to wear off before you can get another dose.  The only way you know that it's worn off (if it's working), is because the migraine returns.  Either way, the soonest between treatments you can do is about 2 months.  Once it's worn off, you need to try and get an appointment with your very busy neurologist.  This means that every 2 months or so, I'd have between 1 and 2 weeks of migraine before I could get treatment... and then another week for the treatment to kick in...  you know, looking back at this I'm not sure that the "2 months of relief, 1 month of pain" schedule was really worth the money I was shelling out for the treatment.

Three treatments later we get to March.  I go in and mention that it's a bit of a pain (heh) to be coming in every 2 months when the treatment should last for 3.  Doc suggests I try a double dose (at double the cost, naturally) and I mention that I'll think about it for next time.  I wait patiently for the Botox to kick in.  It doesn't.  I start getting violently nauseous and go on the BRAT diet (Bananas, Rice, Applesauce, Toast... the easiest to digest foods)... I basically stop eating except for the odd bit of plain rice or bread... tried bananas for a while but soon couldn't stomach them.  Can't stand applesauce.  

Back to my GP, who prescribes me more narcotics to manage the pain.  I make an appointment to get the double Botox done and wait out the time until I can go in for the injections.  I spent most of March and April high on percocet and weed. I decide to name the migraine considering it's been living with me for almost a year.  Alastair Jeurgen Horace Ross sounds like the right holy terror he is, right?

The Attack of the HOIR

Then DH suggests that I move in with Sir for a couple of weeks... just to see if perhaps it's the house that's making me sick.  It had briefly crossed my mind before - the timing was certainly suspect, but I figured that with all of the renovations we were doing that anything that could make me sick would have been discovered.  Despite that, I moved in with Sir 11 days ago.  6 days ago I began to be able to eat regular food.  5 days ago my head started to feel better.  At the present time I have a mild headache and am learning to live with the fact that after a month with almost no food, I'm not able to eat very much before feeling full.  

Sir and I have had a few growing pains adjusting to living with each other, but have worked things out and are getting along splendidly now.  I think that Sir will miss me when I move back with DH, despite a few days in to our adventure telling me that I had cured him of the idea that he'd ever want to live with another woman again.  

So to sum things up: Yup, it's quite possible that my beloved house is making me sick.  I will be staying with Sir the rest of this week to fully recover (and give me a bit of a break) and will then move back home to see if the migraine returns.  If it does, I will be moving back in with Sir while we figure out what to do with the house.  First step will be a comprehensive air quality test to see if there's anything that's easily fixable.  Then we decide how much money we're willing to sink in to the house to make it livable for me, or if we abandon ship and move.  Neither option is easy or appealing.

hmm.. this post hasn't exactly been funny or uplifting, has it?

Stay tuned for tomorrow... I'll talk about my patented no-fail diet plan!

Where's the Funny?!

Thank you, dear readers, for all of your concern over the lack of content to keep you amused while you should be working... as you've all noticed, there have been a dearth of posts lately... this is because I've gone celibate.

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...
..
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yes, that's right... until I get my STI test results back, I'm keeping it in my pants so as not to pass along anything my darling date may have.  Public Health informed me that I need to wait 2 weeks after the incident to get tested, lest I get false negatives, so my date with destiny is for December 8th. 

Honestly, I'm not that concerned... Considering the events of that evening I sort of got the vibe that he doesn't get laid very often, so the odds of him having anything serious are slim.

To make things worse for you, I am getting some piercings done on December 5th, which will limit my activity for 6 more weeks... don't worry though, my mouth will remain unaffected so I predict many amusing dates for you in the coming weeks.