While the cat's away...

so LD is in Bali until April 1st... I woke up at 4:30 on Saturday to get him to the airport as comfortably as is possible at 6am on a Saturday.  Woke up at 4:45am on Sunday when he texted me from Seoul to confirm the 2nd leg of his flight had gone smoothly.  Woke up this morning at 7:30, rolled out of bed, got ready for work, arrived at work and realized...

I didn't put on any makeup.  It never even occurred to me.  I had thought that after all of this time (3 months? 4 months? wow, that long already?) I had gotten in to the habit of wearing makeup every day.  I certainly put some on yesterday for my birthday party...  But this morning, barely 48 hours after LD had left Toronto, I had reverted back to my original 'au natural' look.  

Looking in the mirror at work though... I feel ugly... I feel the urge to dive in to my emergency supply of 'touch up' makeup in my purse.  I still feel like I'm wearing a mask though when I put on a full face of cosmetics.  How can I live in this aesthetic purgatory? I feel ugly without makeup, but I feel like an impostor while wearing it? Where does that leave me?  A girl should not have an existential identity crisis over a pile of prettily coloured chemicals.  

I'm going to take the next 2 weeks off from 'putting on my face' and try to look at it as a cosmetic vacation.  This will probably be just enough time for me to get used to myself without makeup again and make it all the more difficult to go back to wearing it when LD returns.  I'll cross that bridge when I arrive at it.

In the meantime, maybe I'll go get a facial and pray that my complexion will settle down while he's gone.