Hello DR - did you all have a good Atheist Winter Break (AWB)?
I've managed not to gain any weight over the holidays thus far... something about having the nickname 'piggy' echo through my head every time I reach for any of the baking I did is an effective deterrent... so I suppose it's good for something ;) Instead, I brought in all of my baking to work. If nothing else, my coworkers are all very grateful to LD without knowing to whom or why they are grateful.
LD has been away, visiting family, since the 23rd, and is due back on Wednesday. I told myself that I would follow 'the rules' while he was away and not initiate any contact with him - let him enjoy his time with his family. He started out texting me every morning, which was sweet, but stopped on the 26th. I'm assuming that his family has been kidnapped by pirates and are now in the hold of some ship while the ninjas battle overhead trying to save them. Then his pet monkey who is secretly a Nazi will betray him to the French (wait, he IS the French... suspicious) and the ninjas will have to break him out of his carbonite prison in order join the other rebel scum in destroying the pirates. Truly Epic I look forward to hearing the story when he returns home. (I may have watched a lot of Harrison Ford movies this past week)
I've also been spending this 'break' doing some thinking about our trust issues and how to overcome them, as well as trying to take an 'outsiders' look at my behaviour and reactions.
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...
I really let myself get carried away, eh? I may talk the talk about taking a step back and putting my guard back up, but I've failed miserably at it. I'm just as entrenched as I always was... nothing has changed except that my rational side is stopping me from acting and making a fool of myself - thank god for that. My introspection this week has helped me come up with a master plan on how to deal with this trust thing though...
On the one hand, I could stop playing with him all together and insist on 'vanilla' dates to get to know him better and see if that regrows that trust that was lost... downside to this is that there is so much sexual tension between us, and roles already defined, that I KNOW D/s would leak through... there's no way we could be completely vanilla together, without so much effort that we would be concentrating more on that than on getting to know each other better.
My other initial idea was to continue with our play dates, and work my way towards submitting as far as I can with him... but only during our play dates. Once I walk out of his apartment I am "my own woman" so to speak. The risk of this is that so far we really only spend time playing and I risk my judgement becoming clouded by the submission and stop thinking objectively.
So the more I thought of these scenarios, the more it seemed like the solution was to combine them. I will work towards submitting to him to the fullest extent possible when we are in his home and I belong to him. I am also going to insist on time spent together as equals - either out on dates or in his or my home, where we can get to know each other better in a more 'vanilla' setting. Time together where I don't have to worry about saying or doing something to get myself punished. This won't be easy on either of us - I know that what I'm asking is something that LD is not used to, so it will be a struggle on his part. In my opinion, this is good - he should have to struggle a little to regain my trust. On my part, I will have to remember that when we are together as equals that we are together as equals - that I am my own woman and can act as such and that when our dynamic leaks in to our date, that I can choose whether or not to adhere to it.
My hope, is that through this I will regain my trust in him, and will desire our vanilla dates to become less and less vanilla, until over time I reach that point where I trust him enough to become his, completely and utterly.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Pet Names
LD has been searching for a pet name to call me for some time now... pretty much since we've started dating. Name calling is something that I enjoy, and it fits in so well with humiliation play, or to put me in the proper mindset for a scene... Aside from the variety of names used 'in scene', having a regular pet name is affectionate, it sets a mood/mindset even when not in scene, reminds the submissive of their place... LD has a name, which I do not know, which he would like to call me... one day... once our dynamic is at that point... His second choice, and my name for the time being is...
piggy
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...
...
Are you all done with your moral indignation and gasping? One friend, when I told her my pet name, responded with "omg I would cry". 'Humiliating' names are apparently fine for play, but not as an every day nickname.
Do I like the nickname 'piggy'? not particularly; I'm not particularly against it either. I'm actually fairly apathetic about it... it doesn't bring about any strong reaction of shame or embarrassment... nor does it fill me with warm fuzzy feelings of love and tenderness. It does make me feel slightly more self conscious about my weight, but considering I'm trying to drop a few pounds, that's not a bad thing. Will I want to blush and stammer and whisper it the first time he makes me call myself piggy? Probably... Will I let myself? No. Will I learn to love it? Most likely... much as giving my husband the middle finger has come to represent "I love you", any demeaning/degrading/disrespectful action or word can take on its own meaning to a couple.
On that note... I'm off to market - I've got a roast beef to purchase...
piggy
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...
...
Are you all done with your moral indignation and gasping? One friend, when I told her my pet name, responded with "omg I would cry". 'Humiliating' names are apparently fine for play, but not as an every day nickname.
Do I like the nickname 'piggy'? not particularly; I'm not particularly against it either. I'm actually fairly apathetic about it... it doesn't bring about any strong reaction of shame or embarrassment... nor does it fill me with warm fuzzy feelings of love and tenderness. It does make me feel slightly more self conscious about my weight, but considering I'm trying to drop a few pounds, that's not a bad thing. Will I want to blush and stammer and whisper it the first time he makes me call myself piggy? Probably... Will I let myself? No. Will I learn to love it? Most likely... much as giving my husband the middle finger has come to represent "I love you", any demeaning/degrading/disrespectful action or word can take on its own meaning to a couple.
On that note... I'm off to market - I've got a roast beef to purchase...
Monday, December 21, 2009
Where to draw the line?
Have you missed me, Dear Readers?
When we last left our story, I was unraveling a web of deceit which had been spun around me. I'm not going to get in to the details here, but suffice it to say that I was lied to, which has broken my trust and we are working to get that back. One of my stipulations of this, was that I wouldn't submit any further than I already had, until I felt that that trust had returned. Originally I had told him that I would bottom for him, but not submit. After some discussion, I agreed that I would only submit to the level that I already had.
I will admit that I am finding this to be a bit of a challenge, both from the original challenge of submitting after so long, and the fact that when I am in his presence I just want to lose myself to him, which I just can't do right now. I HAVE to hold myself in reserve... keep that control so that I don't move quicker than I ought to... My emotional/submissive side might be keen to pick up where we left off... but my rational side knows that I just can't move that quickly without regretting it later.
This brings me to my conundrum for the moment, DR (are you excited that you've gotten your own initials Dear Readers? I promise I don't put you in the same category as the other prospects... you and me have something special).
I had a date last night with LD. During that time he asked me if, within the four walls of his home, I belonged to him. I replied yes. However, I find myself wondering if it is fair to belong to someone in a 'scene' sense, when you are working to rebuild the trust required to belong to them in a much more 24/7 M/s sense. Is this the way to regain that trust? Or will it just blur the lines and make things confused? Can I truly let myself belong to him during a scene, or will those trust issues get in the way?
Despite my saying that I would not submit any further, LD verbalized an expectation that... I was supposed to intuitively have known(?) regarding not being 'helpful' and acting before being ordered to. I had arrived with the mindset that we were at a plateau... our relationship in stasis, so to speak, and arrived to a new rule. Upon reflection I decided that this didn't really push my level of submission much farther than it was already at, and so I've added it to my list of rules and will make every effort to incorporate it in to my behaviour around him. But that brings me back to my original confusion.
When I told him that I would not submit to him any further than I already have... did I mean during play or as a relationship level? If I am able to overcome the trust issue and submit to him fully during play, will that not blur my judgement/actions in submitting to him as a development of our relationship? Or... by submitting to him 'en scene' will that help me to work towards trusting him him enough to submit to him as part of the M/s relationship we're working towards? I told him that actions speak louder than words, and while I've said before that I trust him implicitly with my physical safety, how is he to prove to me that he is trustworthy with everything else unless I give him the opportunity?
Delving in to psychoanalyic bullshit for a moment... is the reason that I am 'helpful' and jump the gun on his orders because we have not resolved this yet? Is this a symptom of our trust issues - not that I don't actually trust him to remove my bra, or remember to take off my watch, but that I have not been able to reach the mindset to really submit in every way and this is how it is manifesting itself? Am I perhaps not able to fully submit even during a scene at the moment? If so, how do I get myself to that point? I can verbalize that I trust him to submit to him during a scene, but if my actions bely my words... what do I do?
Friday, December 11, 2009
More Questions...
If he was doing something that he felt he wasn't being upfront about, why would he post to his twitter about it? He had no way of knowing if I was following his twitter or not, but had to know that I'd see it eventually...
Why is he putting in effort to explain and 'make things right'? Things are so new that surely it would be easier to just drop me and find a new mark if he was conning me? Yet, he replied to the text message I sent last night about the airline not cancelling their flights, saying that he would call me this evening because he doesn't want me to be troubled. He hasn't invested that much time in me - I don't see the motivation to lie your way out of a situation like you would with a relationship you'd had forever.
Why would he invite me to check up on him, unless he really believed he was telling the truth? He has to know me well enough by now to know that I WOULD check, and not just take his offer as confirmation of truth.
Is my judgement in men really this bad? I mean... seriously? I'm not talking about my bad luck in the bedroom (as evidenced by this blog), but in relationships in general... I'm starting to wonder what's wrong with DH, because he seems to be the big exception to my track record. Maybe he's leading a secret second life behind my back?
He seems to genuinely care, and we seem to be compatible in a million different ways... but how much of that is truth? On the other hand, what's the point of concocting a huge scam? Some of it must be truth...
Weird thing is... I'd still trust him to play with him. I'd put my physical safety into his hands in a heartbeat, and I'm feeling this loss of trust worse than the hardest lashing he'd ever given me. This, folks, is why I usually stick to random one night stands... keep the emotions out of it and there's less opportunity for heartbreak and angst.
Why is he putting in effort to explain and 'make things right'? Things are so new that surely it would be easier to just drop me and find a new mark if he was conning me? Yet, he replied to the text message I sent last night about the airline not cancelling their flights, saying that he would call me this evening because he doesn't want me to be troubled. He hasn't invested that much time in me - I don't see the motivation to lie your way out of a situation like you would with a relationship you'd had forever.
Why would he invite me to check up on him, unless he really believed he was telling the truth? He has to know me well enough by now to know that I WOULD check, and not just take his offer as confirmation of truth.
Is my judgement in men really this bad? I mean... seriously? I'm not talking about my bad luck in the bedroom (as evidenced by this blog), but in relationships in general... I'm starting to wonder what's wrong with DH, because he seems to be the big exception to my track record. Maybe he's leading a secret second life behind my back?
He seems to genuinely care, and we seem to be compatible in a million different ways... but how much of that is truth? On the other hand, what's the point of concocting a huge scam? Some of it must be truth...
Weird thing is... I'd still trust him to play with him. I'd put my physical safety into his hands in a heartbeat, and I'm feeling this loss of trust worse than the hardest lashing he'd ever given me. This, folks, is why I usually stick to random one night stands... keep the emotions out of it and there's less opportunity for heartbreak and angst.
Confused
Dear Readers, I come to you for your advice... I am going to try and present this as neutrally as possible, prior to posting my own thoughts below.
1) When LD and I first met, he was emphatic that if he ever caught me lying, he would drop me immediately
2) Yesterday, LD was supposed to be leaving on a business trip early in the morning. He came online and I asked how his flight was. He told me that his early flight had been cancelled and he was booked for an early afternoon flight instead. He told me that, in fact, the airline in question had been shut down all morning due to the winds and weather we're currently having.
3) LD logs off to go catch his flight, and curious to see if he would be able to make it out ok, I check the airline website. All of their flights from our hometown to his destination show up as having left and arrived.
4) This sets off my radar and I decide to do a little more digging. I re-stumble across his twitter, where the following is posted:
just home from date # 2. Was it always this hard?
Thursday, December 10, 2009
I feel pretty... oh so pretty...
I've been wearing makeup for a week now... 7 days of concealer and foundation; lipstick and eyeliner...
Someone tell me how to get mascara off! I scrub my face and eyes raw every evening and every morning I wake up with mascara smudges under my eyes. What gives?! I've tried the pre-moistened makeup remover clothes, I've tried make up remover lotion... nothing seems to get it all off.
My own personal challenges aside. In the past 7 days, I have received 10 compliments on my appearance... "you're looking pretty today" "have you done something different?" "did you get new glasses? your hair is different? you look good today". On the one hand, who doesn't like compliments? It's nice to know that other people find you attractive or that you've done something to get their notice. On the other hand, it still burns that the reason I'm getting these compliments is solely because I am now made up.
It is becoming a habit though... Today, LD left for a short business trip, so I am 100% certain that I will not be seeing him tonight. My rule is very clear that the only time I am *required* to be made up is in his presence... and yet I dutifully did my makeup this morning, thinking of him as I did it. Yesterday, there was some confusion between am and pm on my alarm clock and I woke up when I should have been leaving the house. With piercings to clean and lunch to put together, despite all of the running around, I did my makeup before rushing out the door. Sunday, I caught myself throwing on some concealer and lip gloss before going grocery shopping.
I'm afraid of turning in to one of *those girls*... it feels like it won't be long until I will be like my sister - unable to let anyone see my natural face, dependent on this artificial beauty.
On a completely separate note, I "pleasantly surprised" LD last night when I called to wish him a safe and stress-free trip. I was planning on leaving a message for him, in that he was at an event, but to my delight he picked up the phone. I like 'pleasantly surprising' him... it means that I've exceeded his expectations, and that's a goal that I strive for. There was lots of background noise so it was difficult to hear everything he said, but I secured a promise that he would let me know once he'd returned home safely. It's not that I fear his travel methods, it's just nice to know when he's home.
Sadly, the fates are conspiring against us, for after this business trip he has family visiting for the weekend, and he is away again for the beginning of next week, concluding the trip that he is on now. It will actually be a week from today before our schedules will allow us to see each other. I suppose this gives me plenty of time to get my baking done for the holidays.
Someone tell me how to get mascara off! I scrub my face and eyes raw every evening and every morning I wake up with mascara smudges under my eyes. What gives?! I've tried the pre-moistened makeup remover clothes, I've tried make up remover lotion... nothing seems to get it all off.
My own personal challenges aside. In the past 7 days, I have received 10 compliments on my appearance... "you're looking pretty today" "have you done something different?" "did you get new glasses? your hair is different? you look good today". On the one hand, who doesn't like compliments? It's nice to know that other people find you attractive or that you've done something to get their notice. On the other hand, it still burns that the reason I'm getting these compliments is solely because I am now made up.
It is becoming a habit though... Today, LD left for a short business trip, so I am 100% certain that I will not be seeing him tonight. My rule is very clear that the only time I am *required* to be made up is in his presence... and yet I dutifully did my makeup this morning, thinking of him as I did it. Yesterday, there was some confusion between am and pm on my alarm clock and I woke up when I should have been leaving the house. With piercings to clean and lunch to put together, despite all of the running around, I did my makeup before rushing out the door. Sunday, I caught myself throwing on some concealer and lip gloss before going grocery shopping.
I'm afraid of turning in to one of *those girls*... it feels like it won't be long until I will be like my sister - unable to let anyone see my natural face, dependent on this artificial beauty.
On a completely separate note, I "pleasantly surprised" LD last night when I called to wish him a safe and stress-free trip. I was planning on leaving a message for him, in that he was at an event, but to my delight he picked up the phone. I like 'pleasantly surprising' him... it means that I've exceeded his expectations, and that's a goal that I strive for. There was lots of background noise so it was difficult to hear everything he said, but I secured a promise that he would let me know once he'd returned home safely. It's not that I fear his travel methods, it's just nice to know when he's home.
Sadly, the fates are conspiring against us, for after this business trip he has family visiting for the weekend, and he is away again for the beginning of next week, concluding the trip that he is on now. It will actually be a week from today before our schedules will allow us to see each other. I suppose this gives me plenty of time to get my baking done for the holidays.
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Indiscriminate
After that lighthearted intermission, it's back to the serious stuff dear readers... and boy do I have a great topic!
But wait... what about DH? How does one reconcile a 24/7 M/s relationship (using an extreme example) with what is essentially a vanilla marriage. If you look at my rules page, DH is an exception to many rules... for example - no sexual contact with others... except DH. So what is stopping me, when I've been denied orgasms for 2 weeks, to initiate a little hanky-panky with my husband? Does that encounter just not count? It certainly is within the letter of the rule set forth for me, but seems to be breaking the spirit of the rule a little, no? There are plenty of other ways that I could 'break the rules' using DH as an excuse if I wanted to... really any rule could be broken justifying that it was interfering with my vanilla home life, which is my primary relationship and priority.
the thing is... I don't want to do that... it's not part of my personality or mindset to look for loopholes and excuses (ok, I LOOK for loopholes, I just don't use them, DH is the king of loopholes)
that doesn't change the fact that I can foresee potential conflict between my relationship with LD and my relationship with DH. This is going to be complicated to maintain and will require a lot of communication amongst all parties to ensure that toes aren't stepped on. This brings me to my biggest fear...
LD and DH meeting.
Scratch that, it's not their meeting that I fear - that will happen sooner or later and is a requisite for any secondary relationships I have (though I do have concerns over the low-protocol / high-protocol potential for conflict). My *real* fear is LD and DH getting along.. and colluding... DH knows all of my likes, dislikes, fears, and buttons... he could give LD a great many ideas that I'd prefer not be known (who the hell blows air in your face to watch your reaction like you're some sort of kitten?!). Of course, now that I've written this I've practically guaranteed that the two of them will at some point gang up against me and make my life... interesting.
It mean, would be great if they got along, just not.. toooo well, yaknow?
I am (apparently) indiscriminate. I am bisexual, poly, a switch, and equally happy with high and low protocol relationships/play. That's right folks - I will play with anyone, anytime, in any capacity. It annoys me when people make the assumption that because I like "both" (of whatever it may be) it means that I like "all" or "any". That is a rant for another time, I specifically wanted to discuss protocol and polyamory (or linguistically correctly - polyphilia or multiamory) today.
These are closely linked for me right now, because I am in a very interesting position - my husband is my primary relationship, however we do not have any real D/s dynamic anymore. When we did, we would be what one would describe as "no/low-protocol". With LD, He is significantly higher up on that scale... I would say we're mid-protocol with periods of high protocol thrown in in public.
There has traditionally been much conflict between the 'Old Guard'/high-protocol crowd and the low-protocol group. High-Protocol believes that Low-Protocol aren't seriously in to the lifestyle, will never be more than just 'kinky' or are only in it for bedroom games. Low-Protocol thinks that High-Protocol is stuck up and too confined by their own rules, full of themselves, or taking things too seriously. Obviously these are generalizations and I know plenty of people who identify as one or the other who aren't anything like this, however it is a perception that remains on both sides.
I've done High-Protocol scenes as a submissive, and have enjoyed them. I have had Low-Protocol relationships and scenes from both sides, and enjoyed those. Now that I am embarking on a mid/high-protocol relationship I've started doing some further research in to protocol (we all know how much I like to be informed... is it possible to have a research-fetish?). I found some really great web pages, including this one: http://www.mselorin.com/protocol.html which very closely follows my own thoughts and ideas on the subject. I encourage you to give it a read, it's quite thought provoking.
Having never been in a High-Protocol relationship, I am a Tabula Rasa - coming in to this relationship with LD without any previous training that He will have to 're-program'... experienced enough to be able to play hard, but new enough to be able to mold into whatever shape He desires.
But wait... what about DH? How does one reconcile a 24/7 M/s relationship (using an extreme example) with what is essentially a vanilla marriage. If you look at my rules page, DH is an exception to many rules... for example - no sexual contact with others... except DH. So what is stopping me, when I've been denied orgasms for 2 weeks, to initiate a little hanky-panky with my husband? Does that encounter just not count? It certainly is within the letter of the rule set forth for me, but seems to be breaking the spirit of the rule a little, no? There are plenty of other ways that I could 'break the rules' using DH as an excuse if I wanted to... really any rule could be broken justifying that it was interfering with my vanilla home life, which is my primary relationship and priority.
the thing is... I don't want to do that... it's not part of my personality or mindset to look for loopholes and excuses (ok, I LOOK for loopholes, I just don't use them, DH is the king of loopholes)
that doesn't change the fact that I can foresee potential conflict between my relationship with LD and my relationship with DH. This is going to be complicated to maintain and will require a lot of communication amongst all parties to ensure that toes aren't stepped on. This brings me to my biggest fear...
LD and DH meeting.
Scratch that, it's not their meeting that I fear - that will happen sooner or later and is a requisite for any secondary relationships I have (though I do have concerns over the low-protocol / high-protocol potential for conflict). My *real* fear is LD and DH getting along.. and colluding... DH knows all of my likes, dislikes, fears, and buttons... he could give LD a great many ideas that I'd prefer not be known (who the hell blows air in your face to watch your reaction like you're some sort of kitten?!). Of course, now that I've written this I've practically guaranteed that the two of them will at some point gang up against me and make my life... interesting.
It mean, would be great if they got along, just not.. toooo well, yaknow?
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
And now for something completely different...
Gee, things have been getting serious around here lately... what's up with that?!
So let's break things up a little with a blast from the past...
Remember BR? So he's moved to BC, where he is now unemployed in a different province... The other day though, I received this gem:
Hey R,
Just wanted to toss you a quick note to let you know I'm in BC now. I'm really sorry for the way things were left between us. I wish I had made some smarter choices. I hope you don't hold it all against me. I'm trying not to be a dick anymore.
Anyway, hope things are great with you. I miss you.
Isn't that sweet? He misses me and is trying to rectify his dickish ways.
Let's all wish him the best of luck with that!
So let's break things up a little with a blast from the past...
Remember BR? So he's moved to BC, where he is now unemployed in a different province... The other day though, I received this gem:
Hey R,
Just wanted to toss you a quick note to let you know I'm in BC now. I'm really sorry for the way things were left between us. I wish I had made some smarter choices. I hope you don't hold it all against me. I'm trying not to be a dick anymore.
Anyway, hope things are great with you. I miss you.
Isn't that sweet? He misses me and is trying to rectify his dickish ways.
Let's all wish him the best of luck with that!
Monday, December 7, 2009
You are feeling sleepy...
Back when I was a wee young pervert, and the Internet was in its infancy - before my parents clued in that they should be watching what I was doing - I stumbled across my first porn. This wasn't porn in the heteronormative male-centric visual cornucopia of tits and cunts sense, but a website of erotic stories... some of it fan fiction, 99% of it not. What caught my interest about this website though was its central theme. Mind Control. These stories all focused on hypnotism and other forms of mind control, though the majority of them also included other aspects of BDSM. This was, I suppose, my first exposure to pornography outside of the chat rooms that I had previously been haunting, practicing my flirtation and seduction skills. Needless to say, I was hooked. At that time, my thoughts tended to identify most with the submissives in the stories. This was the ultimate submission! You've given up *ALL* control! With a single command, your own body can betray you, compulsion leading you to all sorts of debauchery. What could be hotter?!
Well, my parents eventually realized that they should be monitoring my Internet usage, and my time sitting in front of the computer reading smut came to an end (for a few years anyways). They probably would have been better off letting me rub one out to the dirty stories online as opposed to where my life led me next, but that's not a story I'll be telling here. The new and wonderful things that I learned online though stuck with me. I knew right away that I identified as kinky (yes, at the tender age of... 11) and through the years the idea of mind control has stayed with me, as my secret little fantasy. Wanting to be completely controlled, and as I grew in to my Dominant side, wanting to control. I still go back to that website from time to time to immerse myself in the smut there.
I finally decided to do something about this fantasy recently.
I found someone online who does hypnotism erotically (we shall call him ER) and we started chatting. We get along fairly well and he's agreed to teach me how to hypnotise, as well as to put me under and implant some post-hypnotic triggers. I've always wanted to have some trigger words implanted to make me cum on command... it's always seemed to be a ... useful... compulsion. So, we made plans for Saturday after I had my piercings done.
This was possibly not the best time to have done this, in that I was unable to touch myself... as of right now, my trigger words make me aroused, but no orgasm. (I have 2 trigger words, one to orgasm silently, the other a more generic trigger that will allow LD to specify conditions surrounding the orgasm). This isn't much of a surprise, because my brain is a very interesting place. I go under quite easily and quite deeply, but part of me is unable to completely let go of my critical thinking faculties and some commands work better than others. Pair that with the fact that my first orgasm of a session is usually very difficult to obtain, and it's not a surprise that he was unable to make me orgasm through suggestion. I suspect that it will take some work with joint physical and mental reinforcement before it will be completely successful. I'm sure that LD is looking forward to the day that he can whisper a trigger word in my ear while we are in public, and watch the struggle on my face as I try not to give myself away.
My memories of my time under are sketchy - it's like trying to remember a dream... indistinct and fuzzy... I remember that being under felt quite similar to subspace - I was floaty but lucid. I never once felt unable to do anything - for example when I was given the suggestion that my arm was frozen in place and I was unable to move it... I didn't actually feel as though I couldn't move my arm, just "why would I want to move it?". Some post-hypnotic suggestions worked better than others, but I recall being quite agreeable and suggestible while under. It was an incredible experience and I can see how it could quickly become addictive (both being under, and putting people under).
While I *really* enjoy being put under and I look forward to having these trigger words firmly implanted, I'm also looking forward to learning these skills... it's difficult to get a sense of what to do when you're under, because your memory is so spotty afterwards. I suspect that I will have to find a victim...er... volunteer... to eventually come with me when I meet ER so that he can demonstrate and I can practice... I promise not to do anything too evil while you're under...
Well, my parents eventually realized that they should be monitoring my Internet usage, and my time sitting in front of the computer reading smut came to an end (for a few years anyways). They probably would have been better off letting me rub one out to the dirty stories online as opposed to where my life led me next, but that's not a story I'll be telling here. The new and wonderful things that I learned online though stuck with me. I knew right away that I identified as kinky (yes, at the tender age of... 11) and through the years the idea of mind control has stayed with me, as my secret little fantasy. Wanting to be completely controlled, and as I grew in to my Dominant side, wanting to control. I still go back to that website from time to time to immerse myself in the smut there.
I finally decided to do something about this fantasy recently.
I found someone online who does hypnotism erotically (we shall call him ER) and we started chatting. We get along fairly well and he's agreed to teach me how to hypnotise, as well as to put me under and implant some post-hypnotic triggers. I've always wanted to have some trigger words implanted to make me cum on command... it's always seemed to be a ... useful... compulsion. So, we made plans for Saturday after I had my piercings done.
This was possibly not the best time to have done this, in that I was unable to touch myself... as of right now, my trigger words make me aroused, but no orgasm. (I have 2 trigger words, one to orgasm silently, the other a more generic trigger that will allow LD to specify conditions surrounding the orgasm). This isn't much of a surprise, because my brain is a very interesting place. I go under quite easily and quite deeply, but part of me is unable to completely let go of my critical thinking faculties and some commands work better than others. Pair that with the fact that my first orgasm of a session is usually very difficult to obtain, and it's not a surprise that he was unable to make me orgasm through suggestion. I suspect that it will take some work with joint physical and mental reinforcement before it will be completely successful. I'm sure that LD is looking forward to the day that he can whisper a trigger word in my ear while we are in public, and watch the struggle on my face as I try not to give myself away.
My memories of my time under are sketchy - it's like trying to remember a dream... indistinct and fuzzy... I remember that being under felt quite similar to subspace - I was floaty but lucid. I never once felt unable to do anything - for example when I was given the suggestion that my arm was frozen in place and I was unable to move it... I didn't actually feel as though I couldn't move my arm, just "why would I want to move it?". Some post-hypnotic suggestions worked better than others, but I recall being quite agreeable and suggestible while under. It was an incredible experience and I can see how it could quickly become addictive (both being under, and putting people under).
While I *really* enjoy being put under and I look forward to having these trigger words firmly implanted, I'm also looking forward to learning these skills... it's difficult to get a sense of what to do when you're under, because your memory is so spotty afterwards. I suspect that I will have to find a victim...er... volunteer... to eventually come with me when I meet ER so that he can demonstrate and I can practice... I promise not to do anything too evil while you're under...
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Needle Play
Let me make this perfectly clear - I dislike needle play... it is NOT my preferred form of pain.
That said, the results can be beautiful and useful.
Yesterday, I went in with LD to get some piercings done that I'd been planning - re-piercing my nipples as well as having a Christina put in.
For those of you who haven't already rushed to Google it, a Christina is a 'L' shaped surface piercing that enters where the outer labia meet at the top, and exits about 3/4" of an inch above, through the mons.
I am grateful to have had LD there with me, because even though the actual piercing wasn't that horrible, my nerves started to get to me just prior to going in to get pierced. Having him there centered me and gave me an alternate focus.
I am the proud new owner of 3 new holes! There isn't much pain to speak of, though if I put pressure on them accidentally they are tender. Hopefully healing will go quickly.
Friday, December 4, 2009
Friday is Smutday!
"you are a fat pig slut whore... *slap* undisciplined... *slap* untrained *slap* and too much in control. *slap* Don't worry though *slap* I will break you *slap* and remake you... no matter how much I have to beat out of you"
He lectures me as the blows rain across my face and head, occasionally travelling lower to torture my tits... I see stars and stagger at a particularly hard blow, trying my hardest to stay in position.
"What are you supposed to call me?" he suddenly asks.
"Sir" I mumble through my gag, drool escaping and making its slow, slimy journey down my chin and chest. I pay it no mind - this is an important lesson that I have just fucked up.
"that's right, slut, 'yes, SIR' *slap*, 'I'm doing well, SIR' *slap* 'I would like to inform you that I am enjoying our evening, SIR' *slap* Do you understand?"
Tears start to form in the corners of my eyes. Not from the pain, but from the anguish I am feeling at the disappointment I've caused both myself and Him. I long to let go and let them pour down, to mingle with the drool that I am no longer capable of holding back. To become nothing but a weeping mess, grovelling for his forgiveness. I am a strong and proud person though. I regain my posture, look Him in the eye and enunciate as clearly as I can with a mouthful of rubber - "yes SIR"
He looks at me with disgust. "You really are pathetic, whore. You possess too much control, too much desire to be the one controlling. You need to learn to let go. You need to learn your place. You need to learn to CALL ME SIR. Do you not trust me?"
"Yes Sir, I do" I nod emphatically to make my point.
"Obviously you do not. You have not trusted me enough to give up your control to me, now have you slut?"
"No Sir"
"Turn around and hold the chair"
On shaky legs I bend over and assume a position I know well. A part of me is relieved that the beating will not be too bad. If he meant to seriously whip me he would have me seated so that I would not collapse.
I hear the falls of the flogger cut through the air and the first blow to my back nearly knocks the breath out of me. I grunt and gasp through the gag. Blows begin to rain down on me... my back, my ass, my ribs, my thighs... no area is safe as he takes out my transgression on my hide. Soon I am moaning and crying out, my flesh bright pink and hot to the touch, welts forming upon welts. Soon it is all that I know... the outside world has ceased to exist and my entire focus is on the steady ebb and flow of pain. Soon *I* cease to exist... I am nothing but a fiery ball of burning flesh, made up entirely of pain and His will. A particularly strong blow makes me open my eyes and cry out. Three more blows in quick succession to the tender flesh under my arms has me let out one last scream and allow the tears to fall.
My knees give out and I find myself sobbing on the floor, mumbling through the gag "I'm sorry Sir" as if it were a mantra that would deliver me from this pain. Distantly, I hear the flogger drop to the floor and I am quickly wrapped up in strong arms, soothing me, telling me what a good girl I have been... With the floodgates open, thick black streaks of mascara run down my cheeks and I look up beseechingly at him, begging his forgiveness with my eyes. He quickly undoes the gag and cocoons me in a nearby blanket, pulling me next to Him, murmuring sweet words and petting and kissing me wherever he can reach. A hand passes over my flank and I hiss as the residual pain. "You were very good sweetheart. I forgive you"
With those words, I sink once more back in to the ocean of endorphins and cuddle up closely to Him. Knowing that I am once more in his good graces, and one step closer to completely belonging to him, brings a smile to my face, even as the tears continue to fall.
He lectures me as the blows rain across my face and head, occasionally travelling lower to torture my tits... I see stars and stagger at a particularly hard blow, trying my hardest to stay in position.
"What are you supposed to call me?" he suddenly asks.
"Sir" I mumble through my gag, drool escaping and making its slow, slimy journey down my chin and chest. I pay it no mind - this is an important lesson that I have just fucked up.
"that's right, slut, 'yes, SIR' *slap*, 'I'm doing well, SIR' *slap* 'I would like to inform you that I am enjoying our evening, SIR' *slap* Do you understand?"
Tears start to form in the corners of my eyes. Not from the pain, but from the anguish I am feeling at the disappointment I've caused both myself and Him. I long to let go and let them pour down, to mingle with the drool that I am no longer capable of holding back. To become nothing but a weeping mess, grovelling for his forgiveness. I am a strong and proud person though. I regain my posture, look Him in the eye and enunciate as clearly as I can with a mouthful of rubber - "yes SIR"
He looks at me with disgust. "You really are pathetic, whore. You possess too much control, too much desire to be the one controlling. You need to learn to let go. You need to learn your place. You need to learn to CALL ME SIR. Do you not trust me?"
"Yes Sir, I do" I nod emphatically to make my point.
"Obviously you do not. You have not trusted me enough to give up your control to me, now have you slut?"
"No Sir"
"Turn around and hold the chair"
On shaky legs I bend over and assume a position I know well. A part of me is relieved that the beating will not be too bad. If he meant to seriously whip me he would have me seated so that I would not collapse.
I hear the falls of the flogger cut through the air and the first blow to my back nearly knocks the breath out of me. I grunt and gasp through the gag. Blows begin to rain down on me... my back, my ass, my ribs, my thighs... no area is safe as he takes out my transgression on my hide. Soon I am moaning and crying out, my flesh bright pink and hot to the touch, welts forming upon welts. Soon it is all that I know... the outside world has ceased to exist and my entire focus is on the steady ebb and flow of pain. Soon *I* cease to exist... I am nothing but a fiery ball of burning flesh, made up entirely of pain and His will. A particularly strong blow makes me open my eyes and cry out. Three more blows in quick succession to the tender flesh under my arms has me let out one last scream and allow the tears to fall.
My knees give out and I find myself sobbing on the floor, mumbling through the gag "I'm sorry Sir" as if it were a mantra that would deliver me from this pain. Distantly, I hear the flogger drop to the floor and I am quickly wrapped up in strong arms, soothing me, telling me what a good girl I have been... With the floodgates open, thick black streaks of mascara run down my cheeks and I look up beseechingly at him, begging his forgiveness with my eyes. He quickly undoes the gag and cocoons me in a nearby blanket, pulling me next to Him, murmuring sweet words and petting and kissing me wherever he can reach. A hand passes over my flank and I hiss as the residual pain. "You were very good sweetheart. I forgive you"
With those words, I sink once more back in to the ocean of endorphins and cuddle up closely to Him. Knowing that I am once more in his good graces, and one step closer to completely belonging to him, brings a smile to my face, even as the tears continue to fall.
Dear Body, You are the worst roommate ever. Love, The Brain
I arrive and kneel at his door, knock, and sit back on my heels to patiently await his arrival. The thought of neighbours walking through the hallway through the hallway and seeing me doesn't phase me - my head is held high - I'm proud to be there on my knees for him.
The door opens and LD is smiling above me. He takes my purse and the toy bag and leaves me briefly in the hallway, returning to give me permission to enter. As I crawl through the entryway, I think "hrmm.. note to self, do not undo scarf prior to entering, lest you choke yourself again" ... Is there any graceful way to crawl while wearing winter gear? I suppose I shall learn.
LD takes my coat and scarf and allows me to stand. He leads me further in to the room, telling me how pretty I look. Despite my best efforts he obviously sees my internal eye roll and comments on it. I reply that it is not the compliment that I have troubles with "I'm pretty without makeup" ... we briefly discuss my blog post and my thoughts and feelings on this.
I remove my shirt and bra for him, and return to position so that we can continue talking. As we discuss everything from the inconsequential ("how was your tattoo consultation?" "Have you eaten?" "How was your day?") to the serious ("I am going to hurt you tonight" "If you are good tonight, I will allow you to see my cock"), LD begins to play with my breasts. Slapping them, pinching the nipples, making me gasp ever so slightly. It will be a while until he is able to play with them again, what with the piercings coming up on Saturday. At this point, it is here that I hit my paradox for the evening... something I'm still thinking through.
I am a Switch. There is a LOT of Dominant in me, and I've been basically nothing but Dominant for the last 7 years. When I am submitting, I reign in those tendencies... I suppose to a certain extent, I use my Dominant side to Dominate itself in to keeping quiet. That said, when I am with LD it's not like there are any Dominant tendencies rearing their head anyways... LD commented again on the 'fire' in my eyes, and how he quite enjoyed it, and would enjoy stripping me of all of my control, until I had none left and was completely under HIS control. If I let go of the control that is keeping my Domme side in check, I only foresee blood and tears on my part... how can I lose control, thereby wanting to TAKE control, and still be under HIS control? I suspect that the war between Domme!Rubenesque and sub!rubenesque will be a challenging ongoing one... this is something that I will have to think on deeply and most likely deserves its very own blog post at some point.
We move on to discussing terms of endearment, and what he shall call me... by the end of the evening there were still no decisions made. Things move forward - I am told to remove my skirt. At this point things because beautifully hazy, so forgive me for the lack of flowery prose (I'm sure you're all waiting for the summary at the bottom anyways).
Nipple clamps go on, I'm bent over the chair, spanked, slapped, punched, flogged. The soundproofing must be amazing! or he has no neighbours sharing a wall. Gag goes in, I nearly topple over trying to demonstrate stomping my feet in high heels as my 'safeword' I'm a beautiful mess... sweaty, breathing heavily, hair messed up and in my face, eyes pleading. I'm bent over the chair again and the flogging begins in earnest. One or two brief moments where I feel I might be on the verge of tears, but he pulls back. Saving that treat for another time?
Tied to the chair, I make the first mistake that is still haunting me... I forget to call him Sir. I sincerely hope that he could see the anguish in my eyes as he beat me for my transgression. I'm close to hyperventilating and inhale when I should have swallowed, and start to cough and choke. I barely even remember him dropping everything and undoing the gag... it just seemed like one moment I couldn't breathe and the next I was gasping and coughing. A few minutes of coughing and some water and I'm feeling better, though apparently hadn't learned me lesson. I forget to call him Sir a second time.
It is at this point that I came my closest to shedding tears - not because of the pain of the beating I received, but from the disappointment - both his and mine for my failure. I am promised to be whipped until I bleed the next time I break this rule... this is also something that's been on my mind, in that blood is a hard limit unless I am fluid bonded with a person. I trust that he would never break my hard limits, but most certainly do not want to find out what an alternate punishment would be should I slip up.
I honestly don't remember too much more of the evening until he untied me. I obviously was not allowed to see or touch his cock directly - I did not earn the privilege and do not deserve to. Wrapped up in a blanket, we briefly discussed the scene and other mundane things such as the logistics of seeing each other. My endorphin high is tainted by my failure, sobering me far quicker than I'd have liked. As I'm getting dressed, he comments that I look very Dominant in my outfit. I reply that I look Dominant in most of my clothing - the key to feeling sexy/attractive is confidence, and appearing confident includes looking in control and powerful. Most of my business clothing achieves this effect. His reply was something along the lines of "we'll fix that". When I told my coworker earlier in the day that LD was interested in having more control over my wardrobe, she mused as to whether this meant I'd become more or less stylish.
We leave and he walks me down to my car... gives me permission for 5 orgasms... It had been almost 4 days since my previous orgasm, and throughout the evening I was wet and horny... However once I got home, I could only manage one - I was too distracted by my failure to get in to the mood... how shitty is that?! 4 days without an orgasm, I'm finally allowed to have some, and I'm too preoccupied beating myself up (when he's already beaten me plenty) to enjoy myself.
TL;DR
I was beaten, I fucked up, I was beaten some more. A good time as had by all.
Dear Readers, this is where things get weird... I look at my body and wonder what the hell is going on. To summarize:
I was slapped across the face to the point of seeing stars and ringing ears
I was flogged, slapped, and punched across my back, flank, ass, thighs and anywhere else he could reach
My tits were slapped, pinched and had clamps on them.
Would anyone like to guess where I've bruised?
My knees. From crawling in and out of the apartment.
Face - not a mark
Body - very faint remnants of a couple of the worst welts, otherwise not even any tenderness or pain
Tits - a couple of small bruises on the undersides, nipples are still plenty tender
Seriously though Body - what the hell is going on here... WHAT. THE. FUCK?! I spent less than a minute on my knees in total, part of that on the carpeting in the hallway outside. I don't understand the process that is causing me to bruise there so easily, when I'm barely (if at all) marking anywhere else. Does anyone else have this problem?
Also, as an aside for those of you who heard about the penis gag - the milk didn't work after all, just delayed the reaction... about 2 minutes in the firecock gag (now its new name) started to burn. The gag definitely needs another round of milk, Sir.
Thursday, December 3, 2009
The Business of Pretty...
So far as I embark on this journey I have very few rules... this is good - it gives me a chance to get back in to the swing of things without being overwhelmed and going in to Domme mode :) Of these rules, the one that everyone seems to think I will have the most trouble with is the orgasm control.
One friend even went so far as to say "so how long until you rebel? I know how much you like your orgasms." The truth is, the rule that I am so far struggling the most with isn't that one, it's the makeup rule. Because I must be made up whenever in his presence, and at the moment there's a certain amount of uncertainty/spontaneity in when we meet, I am trying to get in to the habit of wearing makeup every day. Otherwise I know that I will forget. Let me just say though...
I hate makeup.
I hate it because I dislike how it feels. Even the lightest mineral powder makeup feels heavy and confining and I feel trapped in my own body. I am suddenly not able to rub my eyes for fear of smudging my eyeliner or mascara... must check that my lipstick hasn't faded or been transferred to the bottle of water I'm drinking... is my foundation staying on? am I shiny? is everything in place?
As I put on my lipstick this morning, I looked in the mirror and thought to myself "I look like a clown". For the record, I am wearing pale grey eyeshadow with green eyeliner, mineral powder foundation and some "wild berry" lipstick. All in all fairly understated (I checked with a coworker) - however all the same, I feel like I'm wearing a mask.
I hate it because it's time consuming. I will have to wake up at least 15 minutes earlier every morning to make sure I get everything done in the morning. I hate that I have to be so much more careful, because I'm already prone to breakouts and it can quickly become a vicious circle of "I have acne so I need more foundation / All of this extra foundation is causing acne." I hate that it starts a snowball effect... if I'm all made up than I HAVE to straighten my hair because it looks so much worse in comparison, and now if I'm wearing makeup and my hair is straightened, I definitely have to dress up for work - no comfy khakis and sweaters...
I hate it because of the societal pressure that I should be wearing it. Yesterday was my first day getting in to the habit. I received 3 compliments from people trying to guess what I'd done differently. I hate that all of a sudden now that I'm all made up, I'm suddenly "pretty" or worthy of notice and compliments. As a teen, I went through that initial stage of discovery and quickly decided that it was a pain in the ass and not worth my effort. If boys (or girls) didn't find me attractive without makeup, that they weren't worth my time... a philosophy that I still hold pretty close. Perhaps I just had more self-confidence than other girls?
My sister, who is the antithesis of myself - tall where I'm short, skinny where I'm rubenesque, blond where I'm brunette... got heavily in to makeup and has become one of those girls who can't be seen without it. She will spend half an hour putting on makeup just to run out to the store to grab milk. As envious as I am at her makeup skills, I will never become one of those girls. A little part of me though, hates that I'm not one of those girls... that I don't have the skills. My concession to my sister on my wedding day was that I would wear makeup and let her do it. Never in a million years could I achieve the same effects as her, and I certainly do not denigrate the skill that is required to tastefully apply makeup. It's just not a skill that I have any desire to posses.
I hate that the beauty industry makes so much money off of such a disposable product. I was at Sephora last night, picking up refills for my negligible supply of beauty products (If I am to do something, I will do it *right*) and nearly wept at the prices... I purchased the few basics that I knew should be *good quality* and headed over to Shoppers for the rest. Silly me for thinking that Shoppers makeup would be less expensive. All of these supplies will be used up, each application disposed of at the end of the day with no tangible result.
It has only been 2 days that I have been trying to get in to the habit of being made up every day, and I am already struggling with it. Does a little part of my enjoy being made up and "looking pretty" ... I suppose so... but the feminist in me has her thoroughly gagged and locked in a closet. Makeup is a "special occasion" thing, not an every day thing. It's just not who I am.
However...
Each time I touch up my lipstick... Every time I go to rub my eyes and have to stop... Every time I receive a "have you done something different to your hair? You look really pretty today"... I think of him.
When I "put on my face" in the morning and it feels heavy and confining, it reminds me that it is him who is really confining me... and while I struggle against the shackles, metaphorically, I inevitably give in.
Looking in the mirror and seeing the face looking back at me, (which hardly looks like me!), I see myself through his eyes and revel at knowing that he is pleased with my actions... knowing that enjoys how I look made up... and will enjoy how I look after he's messed up my makeup even more...
So yes, while I am slowly going insane from not having cum since Sunday night, THIS is my biggest struggle thus far...
One friend even went so far as to say "so how long until you rebel? I know how much you like your orgasms." The truth is, the rule that I am so far struggling the most with isn't that one, it's the makeup rule. Because I must be made up whenever in his presence, and at the moment there's a certain amount of uncertainty/spontaneity in when we meet, I am trying to get in to the habit of wearing makeup every day. Otherwise I know that I will forget. Let me just say though...
I hate makeup.
I hate it because I dislike how it feels. Even the lightest mineral powder makeup feels heavy and confining and I feel trapped in my own body. I am suddenly not able to rub my eyes for fear of smudging my eyeliner or mascara... must check that my lipstick hasn't faded or been transferred to the bottle of water I'm drinking... is my foundation staying on? am I shiny? is everything in place?
As I put on my lipstick this morning, I looked in the mirror and thought to myself "I look like a clown". For the record, I am wearing pale grey eyeshadow with green eyeliner, mineral powder foundation and some "wild berry" lipstick. All in all fairly understated (I checked with a coworker) - however all the same, I feel like I'm wearing a mask.
I hate it because it's time consuming. I will have to wake up at least 15 minutes earlier every morning to make sure I get everything done in the morning. I hate that I have to be so much more careful, because I'm already prone to breakouts and it can quickly become a vicious circle of "I have acne so I need more foundation / All of this extra foundation is causing acne." I hate that it starts a snowball effect... if I'm all made up than I HAVE to straighten my hair because it looks so much worse in comparison, and now if I'm wearing makeup and my hair is straightened, I definitely have to dress up for work - no comfy khakis and sweaters...
I hate it because of the societal pressure that I should be wearing it. Yesterday was my first day getting in to the habit. I received 3 compliments from people trying to guess what I'd done differently. I hate that all of a sudden now that I'm all made up, I'm suddenly "pretty" or worthy of notice and compliments. As a teen, I went through that initial stage of discovery and quickly decided that it was a pain in the ass and not worth my effort. If boys (or girls) didn't find me attractive without makeup, that they weren't worth my time... a philosophy that I still hold pretty close. Perhaps I just had more self-confidence than other girls?
My sister, who is the antithesis of myself - tall where I'm short, skinny where I'm rubenesque, blond where I'm brunette... got heavily in to makeup and has become one of those girls who can't be seen without it. She will spend half an hour putting on makeup just to run out to the store to grab milk. As envious as I am at her makeup skills, I will never become one of those girls. A little part of me though, hates that I'm not one of those girls... that I don't have the skills. My concession to my sister on my wedding day was that I would wear makeup and let her do it. Never in a million years could I achieve the same effects as her, and I certainly do not denigrate the skill that is required to tastefully apply makeup. It's just not a skill that I have any desire to posses.
I hate that the beauty industry makes so much money off of such a disposable product. I was at Sephora last night, picking up refills for my negligible supply of beauty products (If I am to do something, I will do it *right*) and nearly wept at the prices... I purchased the few basics that I knew should be *good quality* and headed over to Shoppers for the rest. Silly me for thinking that Shoppers makeup would be less expensive. All of these supplies will be used up, each application disposed of at the end of the day with no tangible result.
It has only been 2 days that I have been trying to get in to the habit of being made up every day, and I am already struggling with it. Does a little part of my enjoy being made up and "looking pretty" ... I suppose so... but the feminist in me has her thoroughly gagged and locked in a closet. Makeup is a "special occasion" thing, not an every day thing. It's just not who I am.
However...
Each time I touch up my lipstick... Every time I go to rub my eyes and have to stop... Every time I receive a "have you done something different to your hair? You look really pretty today"... I think of him.
When I "put on my face" in the morning and it feels heavy and confining, it reminds me that it is him who is really confining me... and while I struggle against the shackles, metaphorically, I inevitably give in.
Looking in the mirror and seeing the face looking back at me, (which hardly looks like me!), I see myself through his eyes and revel at knowing that he is pleased with my actions... knowing that enjoys how I look made up... and will enjoy how I look after he's messed up my makeup even more...
So yes, while I am slowly going insane from not having cum since Sunday night, THIS is my biggest struggle thus far...
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Rubenesque's Rules
This post will be to record all rules given to me by LD so that I may remember them correctly and have something to refer to. My #1, overriding rule is obedience to Master.
Personal Grooming
La Maison
Personal Grooming
- Makeup is mandatory when going out, and optional in private with His permission
- I will not wear panties while in His presence at any time, unless with express permission
- When clothing is required, I am to wear a skirt whenever with Him
- My bra shall be worn only when necessary
Demeanour
- During Scene I will only do what He tells me to - I am not to "help" or assume that I know what He will ask for next.
- During Scene I will address Him as 'Sir' or 'Master' at all times, and end every comment that comes from my mouth with this address.
- When placed in position, I will not move from that position for any reason.
- I will be on-time, or early whenever we meet. I have the right to suggest alternative times if I will be unable to be on-time for His proposed meeting time.
Positions
- When I am told to 'stand' or 'present' I will stand at attention: my feet shoulder width apart, hands clasped behind me, posture straight, hips and legs relaxed.
- Position #1: I am to kneel on the floor (with pillow), back straight, my hands on my thighs, with a condom-covered dildo suctioned to floor and half-way in my pussy.
- When arriving, I shall kneel in the hallway while awaiting permission to enter.
Sex
- He has total control over my orgasms
- Immediately prior to orgasming, to the best of my ability, I will say "Your slut comes for You, Sir/Master"
- If not given specific orders, I have carte blanche over my orgasms
- I will not go more than 72 hours without an orgasm unless directly ordered to
- I am to cease playing with all others, save my husband. However, playful groping/cuddling/socializing is allowed as long as my loyalty to Him is not questioned
- I am not to eat after 19h00 without His permission
- I am not allowed to eat any chocolate products, except those which He feeds me
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Introducing LD
If all things go well, the focus of this blog will be changing for a while (or possibly permanently... who knows). As usual, my recollection when catching you all up on my activities are a little hazy, and this document would not stand up in a court of law...
Friday I was supposed to be attending my sitcom scenario fet event, and then work conspired to fuck me over in a royal way. At 4:30 I realized that I would be staying late and would not have the energy to go to this party. I contacted the 2 Doms and DT to let them know. Now, D2 (henceforth to be refered to as LD or "Le Dom") and i had been chatting back and forth all day and it turned out he'd be working late at well. I suggested that we meet for dinner... early enough that I can get to bed at a reasonable hour, yet still allowing me to check out my most promising candidate.
And the Fates looked down upon me and said "yeahhhhh let's screw with her a little" ...
5:30 - I'm putting the finishing touches on this diagram that I've been working on all day. I go to PDF it and.. ... half of the graphics are coming out looking like they're made of bar codes. I delete the file and try again... same result. I close my program, reopen it. I try converting to PDF in a different way. I try begging the Fates... I try restarting my computer... I try cursing the Fates... I go to the party for whom I'm creating this document and ask her to resend the photos... I replace one of the photos and pdf it. Hallelujah! It worked! I go through and replace every other photo in this diagram. PDF it. ... ... FUCK YOU FATES IT'S NOT NICE TO TEASE!
5:45 - I go to the party and tell them that unfortunately, because the work was given to me at the last minute, I'm unable to fix this issue within the time constraints given and they will have to go to the client with a diagram with messed up photos.
6:00 - I'm rushing to get out the door, I had made plans with LD for 6:30 and am now running late. Oh No! Senior Staff Member right ahead starts engaging me in conversation... dude, if you have a crappy home life by all means spend Friday night here, but don't stop the rest of us from finally leaving!
6:10 - I'm out the door! Text LD to let him know that I will be late. Into my car, onto the highway... WTH, this direction on the highway is usually low traffic... why is everyone stopped?
7:00ish - I finally make it downtown and to our table. Great first impression Rubenesque... you prize punctuality and are half an hour late for your first date. This puts me off my game to the point that LD comments that I look flustered. Great.
Things quickly calm down and we begin to talk. I get a glass of wine, he orders some calamari to share and we chat. The chemistry we felt online is easily transferred and there is a simmering sexual tension between us. The gentleman at the table next to us gives me a few strange looks as he eavesdrops on our discussion. I'm sure they had a good laugh over it later when he told the rest of his group.
Dinner ends... 9:30 already! He asks me if I'm interested in pursuing this further, to which I reply that I do... this seems to catch him off guard for a moment - he seemed to think I'd need time to think this over, but really at this point the only information I had needed to make that decision was whether or not our chemistry extended to real life, and whether or not I got a vibe that I could trust him. With both answers yes, we made plans to meet on Saturday afternoon for a brief date.
We head off and LD offers to walk me to my car, which I readily accept. Once there, we kiss... and kiss.. and kiss some more. He grabs my throat and my hair and I whimper... more delicious kissing... I can taste the red wine he'd been drinking and the subtle flavour that is purely *him* (yes, cliche I know, but so true) ... we part and make it over to the drivers side of the car, where he opens the door for me. One last kiss where he firmly grabs a handful of my hair and pushes me in to the drivers seat. I need a moment to compose myself before I'm capable of driving. WOW!
Fast forward to Saturday afternoon. I have the toys that I've been ordered to bring, and directions to his place. I head over and after some technical glitches (WTF, I have no cell phone service?) we make it up to his place. We spend a very pleasant couple of hours together, where he begins to get to know my body and how I react to various stimulus. All of it fairly tame, but a good warm up considering it's been almost 7 years since the last time I deeply submitted to anyone, and we are practically strangers. One half of me revels in the thought of him controlling me on various levels... while the other half bristles at being micromanaged. Luckily nothing we did brought out the Domme in me, because I suspect I will get in real trouble should I try to turn the tables.
By the end of Saturday, I have given control over my orgasms to him, and have received rules concerning entry/exit (always crawling, then kneeling in the hallway until released) and my clothing (no panties). I made a date for him to join me during my piercing, and to spend time with him afterwards. On Sunday we made plans for Thursday evening as well, after my tattoo consultation.
I'm warning you folks now, this blog is about to get very explicit and possibly quite disturbing. Let the Wild Rumpus Begin!
Friday I was supposed to be attending my sitcom scenario fet event, and then work conspired to fuck me over in a royal way. At 4:30 I realized that I would be staying late and would not have the energy to go to this party. I contacted the 2 Doms and DT to let them know. Now, D2 (henceforth to be refered to as LD or "Le Dom") and i had been chatting back and forth all day and it turned out he'd be working late at well. I suggested that we meet for dinner... early enough that I can get to bed at a reasonable hour, yet still allowing me to check out my most promising candidate.
And the Fates looked down upon me and said "yeahhhhh let's screw with her a little" ...
5:30 - I'm putting the finishing touches on this diagram that I've been working on all day. I go to PDF it and.. ... half of the graphics are coming out looking like they're made of bar codes. I delete the file and try again... same result. I close my program, reopen it. I try converting to PDF in a different way. I try begging the Fates... I try restarting my computer... I try cursing the Fates... I go to the party for whom I'm creating this document and ask her to resend the photos... I replace one of the photos and pdf it. Hallelujah! It worked! I go through and replace every other photo in this diagram. PDF it. ... ... FUCK YOU FATES IT'S NOT NICE TO TEASE!
5:45 - I go to the party and tell them that unfortunately, because the work was given to me at the last minute, I'm unable to fix this issue within the time constraints given and they will have to go to the client with a diagram with messed up photos.
6:00 - I'm rushing to get out the door, I had made plans with LD for 6:30 and am now running late. Oh No! Senior Staff Member right ahead starts engaging me in conversation... dude, if you have a crappy home life by all means spend Friday night here, but don't stop the rest of us from finally leaving!
6:10 - I'm out the door! Text LD to let him know that I will be late. Into my car, onto the highway... WTH, this direction on the highway is usually low traffic... why is everyone stopped?
7:00ish - I finally make it downtown and to our table. Great first impression Rubenesque... you prize punctuality and are half an hour late for your first date. This puts me off my game to the point that LD comments that I look flustered. Great.
Things quickly calm down and we begin to talk. I get a glass of wine, he orders some calamari to share and we chat. The chemistry we felt online is easily transferred and there is a simmering sexual tension between us. The gentleman at the table next to us gives me a few strange looks as he eavesdrops on our discussion. I'm sure they had a good laugh over it later when he told the rest of his group.
Dinner ends... 9:30 already! He asks me if I'm interested in pursuing this further, to which I reply that I do... this seems to catch him off guard for a moment - he seemed to think I'd need time to think this over, but really at this point the only information I had needed to make that decision was whether or not our chemistry extended to real life, and whether or not I got a vibe that I could trust him. With both answers yes, we made plans to meet on Saturday afternoon for a brief date.
We head off and LD offers to walk me to my car, which I readily accept. Once there, we kiss... and kiss.. and kiss some more. He grabs my throat and my hair and I whimper... more delicious kissing... I can taste the red wine he'd been drinking and the subtle flavour that is purely *him* (yes, cliche I know, but so true) ... we part and make it over to the drivers side of the car, where he opens the door for me. One last kiss where he firmly grabs a handful of my hair and pushes me in to the drivers seat. I need a moment to compose myself before I'm capable of driving. WOW!
Fast forward to Saturday afternoon. I have the toys that I've been ordered to bring, and directions to his place. I head over and after some technical glitches (WTF, I have no cell phone service?) we make it up to his place. We spend a very pleasant couple of hours together, where he begins to get to know my body and how I react to various stimulus. All of it fairly tame, but a good warm up considering it's been almost 7 years since the last time I deeply submitted to anyone, and we are practically strangers. One half of me revels in the thought of him controlling me on various levels... while the other half bristles at being micromanaged. Luckily nothing we did brought out the Domme in me, because I suspect I will get in real trouble should I try to turn the tables.
By the end of Saturday, I have given control over my orgasms to him, and have received rules concerning entry/exit (always crawling, then kneeling in the hallway until released) and my clothing (no panties). I made a date for him to join me during my piercing, and to spend time with him afterwards. On Sunday we made plans for Thursday evening as well, after my tattoo consultation.
I'm warning you folks now, this blog is about to get very explicit and possibly quite disturbing. Let the Wild Rumpus Begin!
Friday, November 27, 2009
Like the set-up for a sitcom...
Tonight there's a fetish event going on, that I will be attending...
It originally started out, that I was just going to go and hang out with friends, indulge my voyeurism a little, and mix and mingle... do that whole social networking thing...
Now, I've had ads up in various places, looking for a partner, and have been e-mailing back and forth a few guys... 2 of whom I've hit it off with fairly well.
Dom 1 is in his mid 30's and has a little experience with kink but is looking to learn more, etc, etc... I'd call him BabyDom but someone else already is using that term for their guy, so I don't want to get confused... His photo on his profile is a very impressive set of 6-pack abs, and we've sent some e-mails back and forth but haven't really had the chance to sit down and really get to *know* each other...
Dom 2 is in his very late 40's, and actually has a child my age... he's quite experienced but is newish to Toronto and the scene here... we definitely seem to click and have been chatting fairly regularly, getting to know each other, etc
So last week I suggested to Dom 1 that we meet up at a munch we were both going to... somehow we managed to not connect, but he mentioned he'd be at this fet event tonight....
Meanwhile, last week I suggested to Dom 2 that we could meet at this event and finally see each other in person and see how we click...
yesterday, DT msn'd me from Utah, on his way to possibly Las Vegas if they could get on a flight, yadda yadda jet setting bastard, asking me to RSVP for him for tonight, 'cause he'd love to come out if his flight comes in in time and he's not to tired...
So here I'll be tonight, trying to juggle three guys... which normally would be a big fantasy of mine ;) except I see the potential for awkwardness here... or perhaps one of those situations in sitcoms where I'm constantly excusing myself to go from one guy to the next...
At least these two guys are active in the community (well, Dom 2 was active in his old community, hasn't really started going to events here yet) and I've been able to do some basic checking around on them...
One the one hand, I want to swear off any kinky guy I can't verify through someone in the community, but on the other hand, that gets pretty incestuous fast...
It originally started out, that I was just going to go and hang out with friends, indulge my voyeurism a little, and mix and mingle... do that whole social networking thing...
Now, I've had ads up in various places, looking for a partner, and have been e-mailing back and forth a few guys... 2 of whom I've hit it off with fairly well.
Dom 1 is in his mid 30's and has a little experience with kink but is looking to learn more, etc, etc... I'd call him BabyDom but someone else already is using that term for their guy, so I don't want to get confused... His photo on his profile is a very impressive set of 6-pack abs, and we've sent some e-mails back and forth but haven't really had the chance to sit down and really get to *know* each other...
Dom 2 is in his very late 40's, and actually has a child my age... he's quite experienced but is newish to Toronto and the scene here... we definitely seem to click and have been chatting fairly regularly, getting to know each other, etc
So last week I suggested to Dom 1 that we meet up at a munch we were both going to... somehow we managed to not connect, but he mentioned he'd be at this fet event tonight....
Meanwhile, last week I suggested to Dom 2 that we could meet at this event and finally see each other in person and see how we click...
yesterday, DT msn'd me from Utah, on his way to possibly Las Vegas if they could get on a flight, yadda yadda jet setting bastard, asking me to RSVP for him for tonight, 'cause he'd love to come out if his flight comes in in time and he's not to tired...
So here I'll be tonight, trying to juggle three guys... which normally would be a big fantasy of mine ;) except I see the potential for awkwardness here... or perhaps one of those situations in sitcoms where I'm constantly excusing myself to go from one guy to the next...
At least these two guys are active in the community (well, Dom 2 was active in his old community, hasn't really started going to events here yet) and I've been able to do some basic checking around on them...
One the one hand, I want to swear off any kinky guy I can't verify through someone in the community, but on the other hand, that gets pretty incestuous fast...
Where's the Funny?!
Thank you, dear readers, for all of your concern over the lack of content to keep you amused while you should be working... as you've all noticed, there have been a dearth of posts lately... this is because I've gone celibate.
....
...
..
.
yes, that's right... until I get my STI test results back, I'm keeping it in my pants so as not to pass along anything my darling date may have. Public Health informed me that I need to wait 2 weeks after the incident to get tested, lest I get false negatives, so my date with destiny is for December 8th.
Honestly, I'm not that concerned... Considering the events of that evening I sort of got the vibe that he doesn't get laid very often, so the odds of him having anything serious are slim.
To make things worse for you, I am getting some piercings done on December 5th, which will limit my activity for 6 more weeks... don't worry though, my mouth will remain unaffected so I predict many amusing dates for you in the coming weeks.
....
...
..
.
yes, that's right... until I get my STI test results back, I'm keeping it in my pants so as not to pass along anything my darling date may have. Public Health informed me that I need to wait 2 weeks after the incident to get tested, lest I get false negatives, so my date with destiny is for December 8th.
Honestly, I'm not that concerned... Considering the events of that evening I sort of got the vibe that he doesn't get laid very often, so the odds of him having anything serious are slim.
To make things worse for you, I am getting some piercings done on December 5th, which will limit my activity for 6 more weeks... don't worry though, my mouth will remain unaffected so I predict many amusing dates for you in the coming weeks.
Friday, November 20, 2009
Follow-up to Last Night...
Chat Log from This Morning:
Him:: Good morning....Are you there today?
Rubenesque: Hello - work is busy, replies will be fragmented
Him:: That's fine....Thought you were in a meeting.....I'm leaving here at 11:30 anyways....How are you feeling? I am feeling a bit shaky myself still because last night was so exciting....Had a good sleep though
Rubenesque: To be honest, I was unimpressed with your lack of respect for hard limits, and your views on aftercare do not mesh with mine. Sorry, but I'm not interested in continuing anything with you.
At this point I blocked him. The following are e-mail messages and chat logs that Google saved after I blocked him.
Chat Him:: I am confused.....I did apologize for forgetting about your hard limits and I did rectify the situation....And as for aftercare, I'm not sure what you mean.....I am saddened that I will not see you again but I do honour you, your spirit, and your beauty
Email:
One final point is that I just reviewed your BDMS checklist and yes, unprotected sex was listed there as a NO, a hard limit ....So I had more than one warning beforehand ....You are right and I am humbled...If you could do me the favour though and let me know what you meant by aftercare, I would appreciate that...Be safe
Hello,
Your view on aftercare seemed to be that solitude and very little contact was appropriate. In general, when a submissive drops they are essentially going in to shock - they need warmth, sugar, contact, reassurance... being left alone is NOT the best thing to do. In that headspace, a submissive is incoherent and incapable of properly articulating their needs and they need someone with them to take care of them... If I were a less experienced submissive it would have been a very disturbing experience for me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I realize that this is a more serious turn to this blog, but
1) I feel that this is something that has to be shared so that less experienced people understand that what he did was NOT OK and
2) we can all giggle a little hysterically whenever we encounter a head of garlic
This week is the Everything to Do With Sex Show... I will be there pretty much all weekend so I hope to have some better stories for you!
Him:: Good morning....Are you there today?
Rubenesque: Hello - work is busy, replies will be fragmented
Him:: That's fine....Thought you were in a meeting.....I'm leaving here at 11:30 anyways....How are you feeling? I am feeling a bit shaky myself still because last night was so exciting....Had a good sleep though
Rubenesque: To be honest, I was unimpressed with your lack of respect for hard limits, and your views on aftercare do not mesh with mine. Sorry, but I'm not interested in continuing anything with you.
At this point I blocked him. The following are e-mail messages and chat logs that Google saved after I blocked him.
Chat Him:: I am confused.....I did apologize for forgetting about your hard limits and I did rectify the situation....And as for aftercare, I'm not sure what you mean.....I am saddened that I will not see you again but I do honour you, your spirit, and your beauty
Email:
One final point is that I just reviewed your BDMS checklist and yes, unprotected sex was listed there as a NO, a hard limit ....So I had more than one warning beforehand ....You are right and I am humbled...If you could do me the favour though and let me know what you meant by aftercare, I would appreciate that...Be safe
Hello,
Your view on aftercare seemed to be that solitude and very little contact was appropriate. In general, when a submissive drops they are essentially going in to shock - they need warmth, sugar, contact, reassurance... being left alone is NOT the best thing to do. In that headspace, a submissive is incoherent and incapable of properly articulating their needs and they need someone with them to take care of them... If I were a less experienced submissive it would have been a very disturbing experience for me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I realize that this is a more serious turn to this blog, but
1) I feel that this is something that has to be shared so that less experienced people understand that what he did was NOT OK and
2) we can all giggle a little hysterically whenever we encounter a head of garlic
This week is the Everything to Do With Sex Show... I will be there pretty much all weekend so I hope to have some better stories for you!
WARNING: This post may be disturbing or triggering for some. Viewer Discretion is advised.
Reply to one of my ads - a gentleman who seemed to really click... we spent much of this last week chatting, both online and on the phone and everything seemed to really mesh well... so we made a play date for last night...
I arrived and parked in the back, as requested. I called to let him know I had arrived and he said he would come and help me with the toy bags. He comes downstairs, but in the dark and the rain and the streetlights behind him, he's in silhouette. He takes one of the bags and tells me to precede him up the stairs. As I enter his apartment he drops the bag he's carrying, claps a hand over my mouth and tells me not to make a noise. He grabs me and manhandles me over to the couch and bends me over it, pushing my face into the cushions, pulling my my skirt and pushing my panties to the side. He enters me roughly and starts fucking me hard. I'm shaking and whimpering... he grabs my arms behind my back to immobilize me and fucks me harder... pulls out and using my own juices as lube enters my ass and starts fucking me hard... all the while telling me what a fucking tight cunt I am, and how this is what I deserve, and to stop making noise or I'll be sorry... he stops after my second orgasm and helps me stand up... I'm trembling and gasping for air and my clothes are soaked in sweat. He leads me to his washroom and tells me to tidy up and compose myself, then tell him when I'm ready to come out... turns on the light as he closes the door.
I wash my face and use the facilities... take a few deep breaths and think about how well the evening is going so far... we had discussed what a hot button kink rape play is for me, and I thought that the evening was getting of to a great start. I let him know that I'm ready to come out, and he opens the door, turns off the washroom light and immediately blindfolds me. My first thought is "ok, I'm betting he doesn't look like his photo... otherwise he'd let me see his face clearly... I've seen his silhouette so I know he's not hideous, we'll just let this play out"
He leads me back to the living room and lays me down on my back on a futon on the floor. Tells me to lay still. He grabs some rope and starts tying my wrists together, my inner Domme criticizing his technique... once my wrists are secured with my arms stretched out above my head, he starts undressing me... the buttons on my shirt.. my skirt.. my bra... finally my panties. Stocking and Heels stay on (and in fact, did not come off the entire evening). As I lay there shivering slightly, he leaves me to go to the kitchen and I can hear the sound of metal on metal, and other random kitchen noises... he returns and joins me on the floor, when suddenly a leather clad hand is put over my mouth and I'm told to keep my fucking mouth shut and stay quiet as he starts fucking me again. It's at this point that I realize... he's not wearing a condom... Unsafe sex is a HUGE hard limit for me. He fucks me a while longer while I struggle against him and he threatens me. He climbs off of me and I thank my lucky stars that he did not ejaculate in me. Reduced risk. He grabs a knife and starts trailing it over my body... describing all of the damage he could do... hacking off a nipple... cutting along my belly or my throat... I'm lying there completely still, in shock.. we did not discuss knife play, and while I enjoy it, it's certainly not a first date activity!
The knife gets tossed aside and suddenly there's something cold on my nipples... then a hot wet mouth... and then through the fog I hear "well that wasn't the smartest thing I've done, now I'm going to taste like garlic" ... A remote part of my mind starts giggling hysterically, wondering what the hell is going on. He says something about putting the garlic back in the kitchen and I lay there, dazed and confused... quickly entering subspace despite wanting to keep a clear head. He returns and after some light touching, I sense light and heat.. very close to the blindfold.. and the faint scent of candles (slightly overpowered by the smell of garlic) ... he teases me with the candle... threatening to spill hot wax on my nipples... holding on at the edge between fear and safety... pleasure and pain... after some time he stops and asks if I've like some water. I agree and he goes to get some.
He returns with the water, unties my wrists and helps me drink. He then asks me how I'm feeling. I tell him I'm confused because I knew we had discussed safe sex. He gives me some bullshit about 'being in the moment' and his desire for me 'overwhelming him' and how he has a policy not to apologize, just to rectify and assures me he'll use condoms the rest of the evening... asks me to repeat my hard limits, which I do, to which he replies "oh yes, I remember now, I do owe you an apology"
I float for a little while longer and he turns me over, a cushion under my hips raising my ass up... pulls out his strap and starts strapping my ass and back... assured me he won't leave any marks... after a good amount of strapping he starts fucking me again... This time I can tell he's using a condom... I let myself sink a little further in to the endorphin high and he continues to strap and spank me. After what seems like forever, he stops and runs his hands over my back and ass... I whimper and he takes me in to his arms and talks soothingly to me... rolls me on to my back and grabs one of the vibrators he told me to bring... goes down on me and brings me to orgasm .. 3.. 4... times? I've lost count, I'm in a haze of endorphins and adrenaline like I haven't experienced in a *very* long time...
He pets me some more, talking soothingly and asking how I'm feeling... "floaty" is my reply... he says something like "in that case" and rolls me over again to strap me some more while he fucks me. He finishes and I start to shiver... I'm cold and alone and the part of my mind that's still engaged tells me that I'm dropping... I don't think I've EVER dropped before. I manage to get across to him that I'm cold, and he brings me a blanket, tucks it around me... and then... goes to sit on the couch? I lie there shivering on the floor, covered in a blanket while he sits and meditates on the couch or some shit. After a while I become coherent enough to ask for some water, which he brings me... and then asks if I'd prefer his bed. I nod shakily and he helps me stand up... I'm still wearing my stilettos... I stumble over to his bedroom, slip off my shoes and slide under the covers. He drapes them over me and then... leaves... I drift for a while and then... what's that that I hear... it sounds like a TV show... I make my way out of bed, grab my shoes and blearily enter the living room. I'm able to see him for the first time clearly...
He SAID he was 45, gave me a photo which I suspect is from his late 30's and is possibly actually older than 45... As I had suspected he did NOT look like his photo. He's watching TV and notices me enter the room... asks if I'd like something to eat. I nod and he goes in to the kitchen... asks if I'd like an apple or orange, I choose the orange and start packing up the toys and getting dressed. He brings me a peeled orange and heads back in to the kitchen.. I hear the microwave go on. I eat my orange, get dressed and pack everything up. He comes back holding.. a frozen dinner... (really?!). I eat some of it and he rubs my back and we chat. He gives me this speech about how when I'm in 'recovery mode' I need solitude to process everything... my inner mind is screaming "no you idiot, I need someone to make sure I'm not going in to shock! I need human contact!" I gather my things and he carries my bags down to my car, kissing me goodnight. I get in to my car, still processing the evening. Halfway home, I start giggling hysterically... I can smell garlic.
I arrive home and eventually make it in to the shower... I catch sight of myself in the mirror... he's bruised my left shoulder along the top bony part.
I will not be returning to this man - not only because he broke my trust from the beginning by not using a condom... I'm pissed off that I need to go get tested again, when I was JUST TESTED at my GYN in October... I feel weird going back to him asking for ANOTHER round of tests, so I have to find a public health clinic to go to. The garlic thing was... weird... I have no clue what was going on with that and I really didn't want to ask... I think I'm better off not knowing... The lack of aftercare, when I know he was aware that I needed some (and any experienced Dom would have recognized that I needed help even if I had previously said I DIDN'T need aftercare)... all add up to someone that I do NOT want to play with again. In fact, if I were hearing this story from a less experienced submissive, I'd be seriously concerned. I am saddened that my first play date getting back into the submissive role after such a long hiatus has turned out like this, and makes me seriously reconsider what I'm looking for. At least with bad vanilla dates, you don't have to worry (too much) about physical or psychological damage.
I arrived and parked in the back, as requested. I called to let him know I had arrived and he said he would come and help me with the toy bags. He comes downstairs, but in the dark and the rain and the streetlights behind him, he's in silhouette. He takes one of the bags and tells me to precede him up the stairs. As I enter his apartment he drops the bag he's carrying, claps a hand over my mouth and tells me not to make a noise. He grabs me and manhandles me over to the couch and bends me over it, pushing my face into the cushions, pulling my my skirt and pushing my panties to the side. He enters me roughly and starts fucking me hard. I'm shaking and whimpering... he grabs my arms behind my back to immobilize me and fucks me harder... pulls out and using my own juices as lube enters my ass and starts fucking me hard... all the while telling me what a fucking tight cunt I am, and how this is what I deserve, and to stop making noise or I'll be sorry... he stops after my second orgasm and helps me stand up... I'm trembling and gasping for air and my clothes are soaked in sweat. He leads me to his washroom and tells me to tidy up and compose myself, then tell him when I'm ready to come out... turns on the light as he closes the door.
I wash my face and use the facilities... take a few deep breaths and think about how well the evening is going so far... we had discussed what a hot button kink rape play is for me, and I thought that the evening was getting of to a great start. I let him know that I'm ready to come out, and he opens the door, turns off the washroom light and immediately blindfolds me. My first thought is "ok, I'm betting he doesn't look like his photo... otherwise he'd let me see his face clearly... I've seen his silhouette so I know he's not hideous, we'll just let this play out"
He leads me back to the living room and lays me down on my back on a futon on the floor. Tells me to lay still. He grabs some rope and starts tying my wrists together, my inner Domme criticizing his technique... once my wrists are secured with my arms stretched out above my head, he starts undressing me... the buttons on my shirt.. my skirt.. my bra... finally my panties. Stocking and Heels stay on (and in fact, did not come off the entire evening). As I lay there shivering slightly, he leaves me to go to the kitchen and I can hear the sound of metal on metal, and other random kitchen noises... he returns and joins me on the floor, when suddenly a leather clad hand is put over my mouth and I'm told to keep my fucking mouth shut and stay quiet as he starts fucking me again. It's at this point that I realize... he's not wearing a condom... Unsafe sex is a HUGE hard limit for me. He fucks me a while longer while I struggle against him and he threatens me. He climbs off of me and I thank my lucky stars that he did not ejaculate in me. Reduced risk. He grabs a knife and starts trailing it over my body... describing all of the damage he could do... hacking off a nipple... cutting along my belly or my throat... I'm lying there completely still, in shock.. we did not discuss knife play, and while I enjoy it, it's certainly not a first date activity!
The knife gets tossed aside and suddenly there's something cold on my nipples... then a hot wet mouth... and then through the fog I hear "well that wasn't the smartest thing I've done, now I'm going to taste like garlic" ... A remote part of my mind starts giggling hysterically, wondering what the hell is going on. He says something about putting the garlic back in the kitchen and I lay there, dazed and confused... quickly entering subspace despite wanting to keep a clear head. He returns and after some light touching, I sense light and heat.. very close to the blindfold.. and the faint scent of candles (slightly overpowered by the smell of garlic) ... he teases me with the candle... threatening to spill hot wax on my nipples... holding on at the edge between fear and safety... pleasure and pain... after some time he stops and asks if I've like some water. I agree and he goes to get some.
He returns with the water, unties my wrists and helps me drink. He then asks me how I'm feeling. I tell him I'm confused because I knew we had discussed safe sex. He gives me some bullshit about 'being in the moment' and his desire for me 'overwhelming him' and how he has a policy not to apologize, just to rectify and assures me he'll use condoms the rest of the evening... asks me to repeat my hard limits, which I do, to which he replies "oh yes, I remember now, I do owe you an apology"
I float for a little while longer and he turns me over, a cushion under my hips raising my ass up... pulls out his strap and starts strapping my ass and back... assured me he won't leave any marks... after a good amount of strapping he starts fucking me again... This time I can tell he's using a condom... I let myself sink a little further in to the endorphin high and he continues to strap and spank me. After what seems like forever, he stops and runs his hands over my back and ass... I whimper and he takes me in to his arms and talks soothingly to me... rolls me on to my back and grabs one of the vibrators he told me to bring... goes down on me and brings me to orgasm .. 3.. 4... times? I've lost count, I'm in a haze of endorphins and adrenaline like I haven't experienced in a *very* long time...
He pets me some more, talking soothingly and asking how I'm feeling... "floaty" is my reply... he says something like "in that case" and rolls me over again to strap me some more while he fucks me. He finishes and I start to shiver... I'm cold and alone and the part of my mind that's still engaged tells me that I'm dropping... I don't think I've EVER dropped before. I manage to get across to him that I'm cold, and he brings me a blanket, tucks it around me... and then... goes to sit on the couch? I lie there shivering on the floor, covered in a blanket while he sits and meditates on the couch or some shit. After a while I become coherent enough to ask for some water, which he brings me... and then asks if I'd prefer his bed. I nod shakily and he helps me stand up... I'm still wearing my stilettos... I stumble over to his bedroom, slip off my shoes and slide under the covers. He drapes them over me and then... leaves... I drift for a while and then... what's that that I hear... it sounds like a TV show... I make my way out of bed, grab my shoes and blearily enter the living room. I'm able to see him for the first time clearly...
He SAID he was 45, gave me a photo which I suspect is from his late 30's and is possibly actually older than 45... As I had suspected he did NOT look like his photo. He's watching TV and notices me enter the room... asks if I'd like something to eat. I nod and he goes in to the kitchen... asks if I'd like an apple or orange, I choose the orange and start packing up the toys and getting dressed. He brings me a peeled orange and heads back in to the kitchen.. I hear the microwave go on. I eat my orange, get dressed and pack everything up. He comes back holding.. a frozen dinner... (really?!). I eat some of it and he rubs my back and we chat. He gives me this speech about how when I'm in 'recovery mode' I need solitude to process everything... my inner mind is screaming "no you idiot, I need someone to make sure I'm not going in to shock! I need human contact!" I gather my things and he carries my bags down to my car, kissing me goodnight. I get in to my car, still processing the evening. Halfway home, I start giggling hysterically... I can smell garlic.
I arrive home and eventually make it in to the shower... I catch sight of myself in the mirror... he's bruised my left shoulder along the top bony part.
I will not be returning to this man - not only because he broke my trust from the beginning by not using a condom... I'm pissed off that I need to go get tested again, when I was JUST TESTED at my GYN in October... I feel weird going back to him asking for ANOTHER round of tests, so I have to find a public health clinic to go to. The garlic thing was... weird... I have no clue what was going on with that and I really didn't want to ask... I think I'm better off not knowing... The lack of aftercare, when I know he was aware that I needed some (and any experienced Dom would have recognized that I needed help even if I had previously said I DIDN'T need aftercare)... all add up to someone that I do NOT want to play with again. In fact, if I were hearing this story from a less experienced submissive, I'd be seriously concerned. I am saddened that my first play date getting back into the submissive role after such a long hiatus has turned out like this, and makes me seriously reconsider what I'm looking for. At least with bad vanilla dates, you don't have to worry (too much) about physical or psychological damage.
Where Men are MEN
I Can Take care of you I come from part of world that women are women and Man are Man I am not in relationship and can host if this fits and are willing to be tamed let me know.
Sam
I've never worn a hijab... I wonder if this guy really thinks that misogyny = BDSM?
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
The Intellectual
I'll just let this chat log speak for itself...
He says (11:13 AM): do u watch movies / offcourse u do / stupid wuestion / ok tell me if u r a horror movie lover
Me says (11:14 AM): not really /I don't watch movies other than documentaries really...
He says (11:15 AM): wow / u r my type in this case / have u seen zeitghiest?
Me says (11:15 AM): nope
He says (11:16 AM): thats strange / u should have watched that. thats on youtube./ thats gonna change ur perspective of looking into life / i m serious
Me says (11:18 AM): I'll look it up
...
He says (11:25 AM): hmm / let me tell u / u 'll be the very first lady i 'll meet who is into these intellactual things. / and i love that / i on't like the girls look like models but are dumbass / i prefer mind over body / if u don't have anything to chat about and the girl expects that u gonna praise her and than give her a good job and than leave / i refuse to be a part of the situation
I rest my case... humanity IS getting less intelligent...
He says (11:13 AM): do u watch movies / offcourse u do / stupid wuestion / ok tell me if u r a horror movie lover
Me says (11:14 AM): not really /I don't watch movies other than documentaries really...
He says (11:15 AM): wow / u r my type in this case / have u seen zeitghiest?
Me says (11:15 AM): nope
He says (11:16 AM): thats strange / u should have watched that. thats on youtube./ thats gonna change ur perspective of looking into life / i m serious
Me says (11:18 AM): I'll look it up
...
He says (11:25 AM): hmm / let me tell u / u 'll be the very first lady i 'll meet who is into these intellactual things. / and i love that / i on't like the girls look like models but are dumbass / i prefer mind over body / if u don't have anything to chat about and the girl expects that u gonna praise her and than give her a good job and than leave / i refuse to be a part of the situation
I rest my case... humanity IS getting less intelligent...
The Dom who was really a sub
I received reply the other day to the ad I had put up looking for a Dominant man...
"I am a dominant very strong buff male with experience in bdsm. Thuddy play, spanking and alll the other 'normal' bdsm play are part of what I like including breath play, anal and humiliation. I would approach edge play once I understand your limits better. Safe sex for sure. This is kinky edgy and fun or should be. Let me know and I will post photos on msn. 5 10 190 buff strong etc for real."
Sounds good, right?
So I add the guy to my MSN and we start chatting... things are going ok and then he finds out I'm switch...
I have now spent 3 days chatting with him on and off, outlining my preferences as a Domme, listening to him tell me about the activities that various Dommes have made him do, what previous submissive girlfriends have asked him to do (mostly homosexual activities), and what sorts of things he'd like to 'force' me to do (three guesses what side of the whip I'd be on)...
FFS MAN JUST ADMIT THAT YOU'RE A SUBMISSIVE AND BE A HAPPIER PERSON FOR IT!!!!!!! I haven't heard ONE THING about any Dominant activities you've participated in, you're not selling yourself here!
"I am a dominant very strong buff male with experience in bdsm. Thuddy play, spanking and alll the other 'normal' bdsm play are part of what I like including breath play, anal and humiliation. I would approach edge play once I understand your limits better. Safe sex for sure. This is kinky edgy and fun or should be. Let me know and I will post photos on msn. 5 10 190 buff strong etc for real."
Sounds good, right?
So I add the guy to my MSN and we start chatting... things are going ok and then he finds out I'm switch...
I have now spent 3 days chatting with him on and off, outlining my preferences as a Domme, listening to him tell me about the activities that various Dommes have made him do, what previous submissive girlfriends have asked him to do (mostly homosexual activities), and what sorts of things he'd like to 'force' me to do (three guesses what side of the whip I'd be on)...
FFS MAN JUST ADMIT THAT YOU'RE A SUBMISSIVE AND BE A HAPPIER PERSON FOR IT!!!!!!! I haven't heard ONE THING about any Dominant activities you've participated in, you're not selling yourself here!
The Tale of Mr. Twitchy
For a lark I've been replying to CL ads that aren't necessarily exactly what I'm looking for... trying out the 'stereotypes' so to speak... for example - I sent a response to an ad from a gentleman who claimed to be a money manager on Bay street and was looking for a princess to spoil (hey, I can be a princess!)
I receive a reply to my e-mail and he seems OK, we make plans to meet at the mall near my workplace for lunch today because he'll be up in the area (which is nowhere NEAR Bay Street)
We meet and he... generally fits the description he gave... so bonus points there! However.. he twitches... like.. has a number of involuntary ticks... which, OK, is really not his fault, but is still a little off putting.
He chooses to eat at one of those food-court type places that's not actually located at the food court... low-quality deli meat served by minimum wage immigrants who would spit in your food if you turned your back.
And then he opens his mouth... and he has worse social skills than the most female-phobic engineer I know... spends the entire time babbling about his travels around the GTA for family obligations, and how he lives and works right near where I work, and how he DOES do money management but sort of on his own and how he's also doing some P.I. work and pulls out this mini tape recorder and explains about how he tapes conversations sometimes but he's not a snoop (I checked, the recorder was NOT going during lunch) and why does my gmail show that I have a camera sometimes and aren't I worried about people recording what I show them and on and on and on!
Finally, I pull out my phone and exclaim at the time... oh noes! I have big deadline for client this afternoon! must be going! so sorry!
I made my excuses and left as quickly as possible. First meeting/date I've gone on that they haven't even earned a peck on the cheek or hug goodbye...
...
I'll just go put away my tiara...
I receive a reply to my e-mail and he seems OK, we make plans to meet at the mall near my workplace for lunch today because he'll be up in the area (which is nowhere NEAR Bay Street)
We meet and he... generally fits the description he gave... so bonus points there! However.. he twitches... like.. has a number of involuntary ticks... which, OK, is really not his fault, but is still a little off putting.
He chooses to eat at one of those food-court type places that's not actually located at the food court... low-quality deli meat served by minimum wage immigrants who would spit in your food if you turned your back.
And then he opens his mouth... and he has worse social skills than the most female-phobic engineer I know... spends the entire time babbling about his travels around the GTA for family obligations, and how he lives and works right near where I work, and how he DOES do money management but sort of on his own and how he's also doing some P.I. work and pulls out this mini tape recorder and explains about how he tapes conversations sometimes but he's not a snoop (I checked, the recorder was NOT going during lunch) and why does my gmail show that I have a camera sometimes and aren't I worried about people recording what I show them and on and on and on!
Finally, I pull out my phone and exclaim at the time... oh noes! I have big deadline for client this afternoon! must be going! so sorry!
I made my excuses and left as quickly as possible. First meeting/date I've gone on that they haven't even earned a peck on the cheek or hug goodbye...
...
I'll just go put away my tiara...
Monday, November 16, 2009
More Translation Needed
From: <name redacted>
Date: 2009/11/16
Subject: mediu-core
To: pers-vja6m-1468853017@craigslist.org
** CRAIGSLIST ADVISORY --- AVOID SCAMS BY DEALING LOCALLY
** Avoid: wiring money, cross-border deals, work-at-home
** Beware: cashier checks, money orders, escrow, shipping
** More Info: http://www.craigslist.org/about/scams.html
this message was remailed to you via: pers-vja6m-1468853017@craigslist.org
Huh?
Subject: mediu-core
To: pers-vja6m-1468853017@craigslist.org
** CRAIGSLIST ADVISORY --- AVOID SCAMS BY DEALING LOCALLY
** Avoid: wiring money, cross-border deals, work-at-home
** Beware: cashier checks, money orders, escrow, shipping
** More Info: http://www.craigslist.org/about/scams.html
Hi,
You must do as I tell you. Miss this reply at your pearl!
this message was remailed to you via: pers-vja6m-1468853017@craigslist.org
Huh?
Translation Please...
A reply I just received from my "Personal" Trainer ad:
Looking for the same, I live in Mississauga, work shift work. Would love to connect with you and I too trying to loose some weight. I feel a partner is important when exercising. A picture is not necessary the result of what we have experienced is the perfect picture.
Hoping to hear from you.
ummm.. what?
Looking for the same, I live in Mississauga, work shift work. Would love to connect with you and I too trying to loose some weight. I feel a partner is important when exercising. A picture is not necessary the result of what we have experienced is the perfect picture.
Hoping to hear from you.
ummm.. what?
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Worst of Craigslist
Attractive Couple Looking for a Submissive - mw4w
We are an attractive professional couple looking for a submissive for on going encounters. The ideal sub must be bi or bi curious and must be genuine and have sincere desire to serve.
Couple: Male is a professional gentleman (blk). Female is an Asian beauty with a class.
You: A true obedient submissive, clean and respectful.
Couple: Male is a professional gentleman (blk). Female is an Asian beauty with a class.
You: A true obedient submissive, clean and respectful.
A Class what? What's with all of the "true" Dominants and submissives... did I miss a class somewhere to get my certification?
I NEED A LADY TO LAY WITH MY HUSBAND FOR TONITE WHILE ON BUSINESS - mw4w - 30 (MISSISSAUGA)
hi ladies my husband is always away on business and i feel real bad because i cant assist him while he's away. He is a beautiful good looking englishman and i am black pretty women. who just want him well taking care of while he's away. i know it sounds wierd. but thats the way we are. we look after each other. its just for a night. and you would not be disappointed. he has a 8inch cock and the best tongue i have ever had upon my clit. he knows exactly what to do with both. I cant stop having orgasms lol. believe me no lie. you would have just as much fun as him. and me. i will be happy because i know hes happy and well taking care of in all aspects of the word. so please ladies from women to women wouldn't you do this for your man. well if not u should and you will recieve more back from them. caring is sharing. please send me a photo and a phone number and we go from there, no flakes please. and no email taggs. lets get this rolling girls. lets have some fun, good luck to the lucky ladies,
Dude... you need to learn capitalization and punctuation... and you sound nothing like a lady...
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Worst of Craigslist
Ok.. let's see a raise of hands - how many of you have measured your tongue? This guy has...
free full body massage and reflexology for women - m4w - 39
I am a good looking open minded guy 100% D/D free and would love to please women, I can give you a great full body massage and worship your body from head to toe, great reflexology, great oral and if you like more I have a 7" uc hard tool and 7" soft tongue as well, don't worry I am trustworthy and you can feel comfortable and relax with me
Craigslist isn't the only source of fail...
I received an e-mail today from a kinky website that I am a member of...
"I am a fairly new submissive male, unexperienced. I am seeking for one Dominant lady to take me under her wing, and teach me her ways of controlling me.
I would luv to be tied up, facesat, worship feet and all other tasks, I am still not extreme, but hope to explore as time passes :)
I saw ur pics.. wish could kiss ur feet rigt now ;)"
Aside from never having heard from this person before in my life in any way shape or form, nor having solicited this type of contact (it's not a matchmaking site), I go to check out his profile... here's an excerpt:
"I am seeking One, Dominant Partner, for whom I would do everything she commands. I am seeking to be under a wing of a true Mistress who will top and explore me as she pleases"
Alas, I am not "True" so I suppose I'll have to pass up this candidate...
Worst of Craigslist
I've noticed an alarming trend on Craiglist that I don't understand... do people have no sense of self preservation or safety?
Departure: Toronto, Arrival: El Salvador, Cancun, Cuba somewhere, etc. (all inclusive) Have this sudden need to go somewhere warm. Looking for someone to travel with for a week for about ideally 600 each deals like the places i listed above...
Established single professional looking for a woman partner for vacation trips to cuba, costa rica and panama. ...
Looking for a Female Travel Partner... We meet to decide where and when to go, I will pay for half of your fare , we book it, and escape some of December's cold.
41 y.o., heterosexual male, need a vacation companion to share the hotel room (this was a m4m posting!)
I am looking for a vacation companions of either gender to split the costs by sharing a hotel room and to take advantage of these great savings. ...
I'm so tempted to post an ad looking for a travel companion to Thailand.. or someplace equally "lawless" ...
Do people actually find random people willing to travel out of country without knowing each other? Am I the only one who finds this prospect scary and dangerous in a non-sexually-exciting way?
I'm amazed that we don't hear of more people being murdered at all-inclusive resorts...
Worst of Craigslist
Reward Given: Submissive Women - m4w - 26 (Toronto)
You are open mined & know how to treat your master. Nothing is off limits & closet submissive's are welcome.
Those who please will be taken care of and those you satisfy me will be "rewarded" (dinners, travel, shopping..)
Reply with full description and photos.
Those who please will be taken care of and those you satisfy me will be "rewarded" (dinners, travel, shopping..)
Reply with full description and photos.
Monday, November 9, 2009
How NOT to reply to an ad...
BBW
Im a mulato good looking guy. I stand 5 10 and weigh 176 lbs, I have very short hair and clean shaven. BBW's are hot but I would also like to loose some weight. I dont like my belly. I am in my early 40's but most say I look mid thirties. I like the running then shower part. I love curvy women especially in the butt area. I like the be firm in bed and I have been told that my penis hurts then thats why I love bbw's. Im not 12 inches but I am 8 and love to please a woman. If I can help you loose weight and have shower fun with you bonus for me. If interested write back. If I don't hear from you I'll quess you are not interested, and if so good luck.
Has someone stolen his apostrophe key? Is his spellcheck broken?
Has someone stolen his apostrophe key? Is his spellcheck broken?
Worst of Craigslist
SUBMISSIVE FEMALE SOUGHT BY EXPERIENCED MASTER - m4w - 34 (TORONTO)
I am outgoing, intelligent, playful and fun, an all around nice guy.....but in private, NOTHING brings me greater pleasure than controlling, roughly using and creatively demeaning, defiling and degrading a really good looking woman who gets off on being a decadent lil freak! You MUST be: (1) a real biological female in the TORONTO/GTA area who is both genuinely submissive and who yearns to be roughly and selfishly used and humiliated (2) willing to send your picture and (3) willing to speak on the phone. If any of that is a problem for you, don't respond.
You may be of any weight, height and/or body type. I am not picky so long as you have as few sexual limits as possible. You must be naturally submissive and masochistic. I have no interest in fakes or those who are naturally bratty and defiant. I have absolutely no interest in "conquering" you. You must already be genuinely submissive, and if not, please do not waste my time or yours.
I am REAL and do NOT play games!. I am not here to evaluate you or engage in any sort of phone or cyber fantasy with you. You are a kinky and submissive slut who gets off on and YEARNS to be extremely well used and degraded in real life. I am a polite, friendly, well educated, well spoken, safe, sane, clean, down to earth, easy going dominant guy who is 34 years old, 6 feet tall, 250 lbs, short brown hair, blue eyes, clean shaven face, hairy body. I have been into the BDSM scene for over 10 years and trained many submissives in the past. If you are READY to be a good lil freak on a leash for me and you get off on being verbally humiliated and used by a kinky and creative yet crude Master who is highly skillful, erotic and creatively kinky, but also a demanding sexual savage, I will MAKE you cum like a fucking volcano, as I bend you and twist you literally and metaphorically, so as to maximize my extreme gratification and your total humiliation!.
Rest assured I am super safe and 100% sane!. While I will tax and push your limits, I will always send you home safe and sound, as well as very raw and sore!. Send a detailed reply with a description of yourself. One liners, even with hot pics, will be completely ignored since if you are sincerely craving exceptional use and treatment, you will take the time to display your genuineness.
Did you read my entire post, little girl?. Just so I know you read my entire posting here, you will copy and paste the phrase "I AM A KINKY SUBMISSIVE SLUT" in the subject line of your e-mail reply. Begin right now and do not forget to address me as Sir. Send your contact information in the form of a telephone number along with your e-mail reply.
Don't disappoint me now you naughty lil girl!!!.
I am an experienced Master who is ready to train you in the dark arts of BDSM, if you dare!.
Black Stud, Part 2
3am Saturday I get a text message "you sexy mofo come back here, I'm horny"
well ok then.. apparently he wasn't as weirded out as I thought?
So then we chat a bit... and it's just easier for me to put in some of the logs than it is for me to try and explain this conversation...
well ok then.. apparently he wasn't as weirded out as I thought?
So then we chat a bit... and it's just easier for me to put in some of the logs than it is for me to try and explain this conversation...
BS:: come over here
me: I can't - I've got a dozen people over for dinner at 5
me: i'm sure you can find another eager and willing girl for today ;)
BS: you were a good fuck though
me: thank you... I'm sure we'll find time for a second 'date' sometime find some time when you can come here and we'll have a bed and toys
BS: what kinda toys
me: rope.. gags... crops.. etc ... dildos, paddles... you name it, we've got it
BS: do you fuck ur husband with strap on?
me: sometimes, why, you want me to do you?
BS: ive never done that
me: you want kinky honey, we can do kinky
....
BS: id like to have a 3some with you n another woman
me: I'm sure you can find another lady for that I've done 3somes and 4somes... lots of fun
BS: i dont know any other bi women
BS: ive never been dominated
me: I noticed that you tend to take the leading role ;) it's a little intimidating to try and Dominate you, 'cause I know that you can overpower me so easily... but once I've got you tied up...
...
BS: got one
me: one what?
BS: but she dont like anal
me: got photos of her?
BS: i will get
me: ok
BS: i have a feeling i will be taking her ass tho
me: oh yeah?
BS: i always get what i want
(UM... WHAT?!!)
me: do you now?
BS: ummhmm
me: that just makes me want to deny you
BS: lol, you cant deny me
me: oh yeah? what would happen if I did?
BS: i have no idea... never happened
me: well.. what would you have done last night if I told you you couldn't fuck my ass?
BS: that didnt happen so i cant say
me: would you ever force someone if they denied you?
BS: i dont cross limits
me: good to hear
...
BS: was i a good fuck for u
me: yes you were
BS: would you pay t fuck me?
me: no - I can get sex for free, why would I pay anyone?
BS: no no, i meant was i good enough to pay for
me: I guess so... considering a career change?
BS: no change ... just something on the side
I am.. hrmm... the sex was good enough that I'll probably have a second (or third) date if the situation comes up... but I am NOT seeing anything long term here, as hot as he is...
me: I can't - I've got a dozen people over for dinner at 5
me: i'm sure you can find another eager and willing girl for today ;)
BS: you were a good fuck though
me: thank you... I'm sure we'll find time for a second 'date' sometime find some time when you can come here and we'll have a bed and toys
BS: what kinda toys
me: rope.. gags... crops.. etc ... dildos, paddles... you name it, we've got it
BS: do you fuck ur husband with strap on?
me: sometimes, why, you want me to do you?
BS: ive never done that
me: you want kinky honey, we can do kinky
....
BS: id like to have a 3some with you n another woman
me: I'm sure you can find another lady for that I've done 3somes and 4somes... lots of fun
BS: i dont know any other bi women
BS: ive never been dominated
me: I noticed that you tend to take the leading role ;) it's a little intimidating to try and Dominate you, 'cause I know that you can overpower me so easily... but once I've got you tied up...
...
BS: got one
me: one what?
BS: but she dont like anal
me: got photos of her?
BS: i will get
me: ok
BS: i have a feeling i will be taking her ass tho
me: oh yeah?
BS: i always get what i want
(UM... WHAT?!!)
me: do you now?
BS: ummhmm
me: that just makes me want to deny you
BS: lol, you cant deny me
me: oh yeah? what would happen if I did?
BS: i have no idea... never happened
me: well.. what would you have done last night if I told you you couldn't fuck my ass?
BS: that didnt happen so i cant say
me: would you ever force someone if they denied you?
BS: i dont cross limits
me: good to hear
...
BS: was i a good fuck for u
me: yes you were
BS: would you pay t fuck me?
me: no - I can get sex for free, why would I pay anyone?
BS: no no, i meant was i good enough to pay for
me: I guess so... considering a career change?
BS: no change ... just something on the side
I am.. hrmm... the sex was good enough that I'll probably have a second (or third) date if the situation comes up... but I am NOT seeing anything long term here, as hot as he is...
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